AIBU to have a problem with a man being short?

[Whateveryoudoordontdo]

This sounds - and is - shallow. I know. But it really does bother me that the man I'm seeing is shorter than me. By about an inch. He's 5'5''. We met online, good chat, been seeing each other IRL for about 6 weeks. I wasn't that keen in the beginning, but he's kind, he likes me, he makes me laugh, sex is good and he accepts my weird living arrangement (sharing house with ex due to kids + finances). And I'm beginning to really like him, but his shortness puts me off! And when I talk to friends they tend to agree that height is a tricky one to compromise on...
So has anyone had similar (shallow) issues with their DP and got over it? Or am I just a really really bad person...

Think of Jamie Cullum and Sophie whats-her-name. He's 5ft 4" and she's 6ft. Happily married. And Dec Donelly who's probably 4" shorter than his dw. Really, height or lack of, shouldn't matter.

You're not a bad person but you are very shallow based on this.

Why is height "a tricky one to compromise on"? Is it because a male partner who is shorter than you feels against "the natural order" and/or you think someone has to be physically larger than you to be a valid man?

If so, those are fairly appalling sexist views IMO.

It doesn't sound something that is at all tricky to compromise on. Think yourself lucky to have met someone who seems to be lovely with you and take him as he is or not at all. If you look at it another way he's not too short, you are too tall. Either way it can't be changed and is a ridiculous reason to deny yourselves a lot of potential happiness. It will have no impact on your lives together at all.

mrsmalcolmreynolds people are attracted to others for many different reasons, equally they're not attracted to them for many different reasons.

It doesn't have to be so complex.

For example, I don't find the clean cut look attractive. DP is bald and has a massive beard. I love it. Maybe others don't?

Tbh I'd feel like you do too. But honestly if he is lovely you should count yourself very lucky.

Men's height is to woman is what fat bodies are to men. It's a former of shallowness.

Yabvu. Yes, completely shallow. He can't help his height.

You’re not a bad person - you can’t help how you feel I suppose, but it is shallow and you will struggle to find love with that kind of attitude. Besides, how would you feel if this man said the same thing about you?

Lisbon absolutely granted, and if it's just that OP doesn't find shorter men attractive then she is NBU of course. It was just the mention of friends all agreeing that height in a man is somehow extra difficult to compromise on that gave me pause for thought.

My partner is shorter than me by about 2ins and I also coincidentally have the same living situation!
If you find him attractive you’ll get over it, if not it’s fairer to move on.
I find my guy so attractive the height literally makes no difference.

Yes OP you’re shallow.
But so am I
Tbh, I’m with a man shorter than I’d like. Tbf though he lied about his height (put it at 6ft on pof when he’s actually 5’6)
He is taller than me so it’s a bit different I suppose. But had I know his (real) height when we began chatting then I probably wouldn’t have continued. It’s still early days and I admit I would prefer a taller (5’9/5’10+) man.
We all have things we’re shallow about, for some women it’s weight, body hair, tattoos. The only unfair aspect I suppose is that you can’t change your height.

Op.dump him. There will be another woman waiting to snap him up if he is as nice as you say.

I married a man a lot shorter than me and we have been together 20 years in total. I honestly can say , I give not a fuck about it. If it really bothers you, don't waste his time.. He deserves someone who is either shorter than you or who doesn't care about his height

He sounds lovely and a right catch. I'm tall (nearly 6ft) and an inch or two shorter than me has never been a problem, I'd hardly ever date otherwise!

What's a deal breaker to you is a deal breaker to you, but it sounds like you've got quite far into your dating journey with him now, surely if it bothered you enough you wouldn't have slept with him or been seeing him this long...?

No surprises so far - thank you for confirming my suspicions that I am, indeed, shallow and should be grateful to have find a nice man.

I think being from a tall family doesn't help. My 12 year old is 6'1", 10 year old almost my height already, my dating history so far rarely goes below 6' so I'm used to the feeling of being enveloped and protected and safe. And looking up at their face. And standing on tip toes to kiss. I think I miss that.

My dp of 27 years is 4-5" shorter than me. Doesn't bother me one bit. a good man is hard to find, I could've possibly found one 6ft1+, but it would've been narrowing down the options somewhat.

Coffeeandchocolate, his height doesn't bother me when we're horizontal 😄

You've a knowledged its shallow and it is but quite frankly you are still there and sleeping with him. All this adds up to one thing - you are just not that into him.

This issue actually comes up on MN lots and people get SO defensive about it!

But the way it is - we’re all attracted to different things. And short is not your thing. There’s nothing wrong with that!

There’s no way in hell I’d go out with someone shorter than me. I’m 5’ 4”.

5’ 5” is TINY for a man!!!

My dh is 6ft. I adore him. Truly believe he’s my soul mate. So if he work tomorrow and had suddenly shrunk, I’d still love him because I know him now and care about him.

But if he’d been short when we first met I’d never have gone out with him! Someone will probably say “then you’d be missing out”. Well yes. But I wouldn’t have known about it! 🤷🏻‍♀️

Very difficult because you can’t help whether you feel attracted to someone or not. I’m really short but have never been attracted to short men.

However as we get older I think it’s wise to be more ruled by your brain than your heart and if he ticks lots of other boxes I would file this issue and resolve to forget it. I’m pretty sure that over time it won’t be a thing any more.

*woke tomorrow 🙄

But your dating history withthe 6ft tall men hasn’t ended so well has it? so why not forget about the kisses on tippy-toes and compromise a bit on height in exchange for the wonderful qualities of this man you just described.

You can't help who you fancy, but equally having a sweeping "I don't find [x] attractive" mindset is fairly immature.

We're all entitled to have whatever criteria we want for partners. If you have absolutes then this is going to reduce your 'pool' and in some cases, not necessarily this one, individuals might be effectively sabotaging their chances by wanting more than they're likely to get. But if you're willing to accept that, no yanbu. Just own the consequences. That goes for men and women both.

If what you want is for us to tell you whether you'll be able to get past it in light of all the other positives, I don't think anyone on here can tell you that.

This is thought provoking for me, and I'm wondering if the height thing would be a problem if everything else was perfect. I'm not sure it would...
5'5" is tiny for a man, btw, thank you for pointing that out. I'm only 5'6" (obvs) so have never even come across this before.
Maybe I'm just not that into him...😢

My DP is short... really really short, he’s 5ft 2.

I met him through tinder (I know, cringe ) and he didn’t state his height on his profile.

Before DP I hadn’t dated anyone under 6ft 4 before!

I’m tiny too at only 5ft 1 but I wear heels a lot so I tend to tower over him at times.

My DP is incredibly handsome, charming, funny, and amazing in bed so I quickly got over it and realised if he was 6ft talk he probably wouldn’t be dating me because he is genuinely that gorgeous 😂😂😂

4 years later we’re engaged, in love and so very very happy. I adore him and I’m glad I wasn’t shallow enough to let his height put me off because he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.