To potentially let him miss the wedding?

[veryirritated]

Name changed in case I'm identified from this!!

So this evening DP and I both went for drinks with separate friendship groups. He got there about 8:15 and somehow ended up at a house party with colleagues who are all several years younger than him. He knows he has to go to a friends wedding and drive there tomorrow, so said he would only drink a couple. At 11pm he phones me in a complete state saying he's done loads of shots, drank several beers etc. He only just makes the train home because it's late, gets home at midnight, eats half a pizza and vomits. I then find him passed out in bed.

If this was once in a blue moon, I'd say no more about it. But he gets carried away and into a state so that he misses trains or is too hungover to do stuff every time he goes out with work people. I find it very frustrating especially when he's said he's not going to drink too much that he always gets really drunk.

I am not going to the wedding tomorrow. He's passed out and left all his stuff downstairs so not got an alarm. AIBU to just let him sleep, and if he is late to the wedding, let him deal with consequences?!

Yanbu

Put his phone on charge and set an alarm if he's hungover it's his own fault.

I would wake him up, because I’m a normal person.

Depends what time he has to get up - I think if I was up and about anyway I would probably make an attempt to tell him to get up. Just one, mind.

If it meant me making a special effort and getting up specifically to wake him up - nope, he’s an adult - you’re not his mum waking him for school.

What would he do if it were you?

He's got to leave at 9. I was planning on having a lie-in as I've been on lates all week and trying to get my sleeping pattern back (failing badly!). I also don't know his passcode to put his alarm on, so I'd have to put mine on.

I know I probably should but I just feel like he always gets very drunk without considering the consequences. Fine if we aren't doing anything - but if we have plans he needs to get up early for I end up having to make excuses for him. Drives me mad!

Set your alarm and leave him to it

Is he driving tomorrow?

I wouldn't be facilitating him driving anywhere at 9am, as he will still be significantly over the limit.

He'll still be over the limit, if he's planning on driving.

Set an alarm on his phone and leave him to it.

I wouldn’t get up and wake him as although I’m a normal person i’m not a mug. His event, his responsibility to get himself up to go to it. My sleep comes first, as should the OP’s and there’s no bloody way i’d be cutting short a well needed sleep in to parent a drunken arse adult.

He can’t drive tomorrow so you will have to drive him.

Have a lovely sleep OP. He's a "grown up" and capable of making his own decisions

Well he can't drive, so will have to find another way. I think him being a no show at the wedding would be unfair on the couple who have invited him. Different if it were an evening invitation but it's likely they have paid for his meal etc.

9am seems early for a wedding. Is he part of the wedding party? A groomsman?

I'd wake him up not for his sake but for the couple getting married (assuming he's close to them and they will be disappointed by his absence/lateness)

Personally I'd get him up- he's letting down the couple otherwise who could have invited someone else. And it gives you the whole day to yourself which you won't have if he sleeps in. And a chat when you're both not tired (and he's not hung over) that this won't be happening again if he wants to drink with friends, the responsibility is also on him to keep his life organised

I'd leave him too it. He'll still be over the limit so unable to drive so unless it's easy to get him there then he can't go.

9am seems early for a wedding

Seriously? This is what you leap on?

Nope I would leave him sleep and if he’s late , or misses the wedding, he only has himself to blame . Shame for the couple getting married but they will be upset with him and not you. You are not his mum.

He won't suffer for not being there though. It's just not fair to do that to the couple getting married. I get that it's not your responsibility and you are not his mum, but take that up with him at a time where it won't affect innocent others.

I would wake him up, because I’m a normal person.

normal people don't let others face the consequences of their own actions? right.

I'd probably wake him up ... once - certainly wouldn't be getting him up. But not because I am a normal person. I'd completely understand someone saying "up to you mate if you get maggoty drunk the night before a wedding - not my circus"

He won't be able to drive. I'd definitely wake him up and ask him what he reacts to do. He'll probably want to took over and go to sleep but at least you'll be beyond reproach.

Personally I'd wake him, purely as it's for a wedding; not for his sake but so as not to let down the couple who have paid to have him there. If he's so hungover it ruins his day, that's his problem!

If his phone was easy to find I'd put it where he was sleeping, or I had the ability to set him an alarm (and not be woken by it myself) then I'd do that but nothing more. I'd not give up my own much needed lie in because someone else got excessively drunk unless it was very unusual behaviour or a very important event (like a medical appointment or a job interview).

normal people don't let others face the consequences of their own actions? right.

For fuck’s sake, he hasn’t burned the house down - he got a bit pissed the night before a wedding. You do know this is the OP’s husband and not some random tramp?

Hide his car keys, he must not drive tomorrow morning, he'll be over the limit and a danger to himself and other people.

Set an alarm clock for 8 am and leave it near him. Let him sort himself out and arrange his transport.

Sometime soon when he's sober, have a chat about why he "can't" control what he's drinking when he's out with other people.