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AIBU?

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Original poster

To potentially let him miss the wedding?

204 replies

veryirritated · 03/08/2019 01:02

Name changed in case I'm identified from this!!

So this evening DP and I both went for drinks with separate friendship groups. He got there about 8:15 and somehow ended up at a house party with colleagues who are all several years younger than him. He knows he has to go to a friends wedding and drive there tomorrow, so said he would only drink a couple. At 11pm he phones me in a complete state saying he's done loads of shots, drank several beers etc. He only just makes the train home because it's late, gets home at midnight, eats half a pizza and vomits. I then find him passed out in bed.

If this was once in a blue moon, I'd say no more about it. But he gets carried away and into a state so that he misses trains or is too hungover to do stuff every time he goes out with work people. I find it very frustrating especially when he's said he's not going to drink too much that he always gets really drunk.

I am not going to the wedding tomorrow. He's passed out and left all his stuff downstairs so not got an alarm. AIBU to just let him sleep, and if he is late to the wedding, let him deal with consequences?!

OP posts:
KatherineJaneway · 03/08/2019 05:18

For me the question is, can he get there by taxi / public transport if you wake him in time? You don't want to risk him insisting he is 'fine to drive'.

LadyBrienneofTarth · 03/08/2019 05:41

Is he "in" the wedding? Best man or groomsman or usher or giving a speech or reading? If so, I'd be waking him up and then talking later about "never again" because by bailing him out you are (inadvertently) enabling the behavior

If he's just attending, I'd toddle off to bed and let him understand cause and consequence

number1wang · 03/08/2019 05:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yeahnahmum · 03/08/2019 05:53

Set your alarm. Or wake him. Just once.
And then it is all up to him. He will need to figure it out how to get to the wedding on his own.

You will not achieve anything by it by not waking him. Also it will not make him stop doing shots with his. much. Younger. Colleagues Grin

frazzledasarock · 03/08/2019 05:57

Have your lie in.

If you’re awake, wake him, if not, it’s his problem.

Purpleartichoke · 03/08/2019 05:59

I would do nothing to help him get to the wedding.

pseudonom · 03/08/2019 05:59

Are you in the same bed? Set your alarm, wake him up and then leave him to it

SeaEagle21 · 03/08/2019 05:59

Set your alarm, put it near him, then go to bed. Honestly it's foolish to facilitate his childish behaviour. I did it for my husband for years and it never got any better - some men are just lazy and they expect that their partner will "fix things" by waking them up. Don't do it !

I'd also be concerned about this habit of behaving like a drunken teenager when he goes out. That would be a big red flag for me, OP. He thinks you are his mother .

Dongdingdong · 03/08/2019 06:04

How come you’re not invited to the wedding OP? It seems a bit strange to invite someone on their own if they have a partner? Confused

Etino · 03/08/2019 06:20

@Dongdingdong what’s that for to do with anything?

Coyoacan · 03/08/2019 06:25

Well if he has a drinking problem, the OP would be called an enabler for making excuses for him and setting the alarm or waking him up falls into the same class.

I wonder at what point it is helpful to cover up for a drinker?

WhoKnewBeefStew · 03/08/2019 06:36

Yanbu

MRex · 03/08/2019 06:42

2h 45 minutes drinking (8.15-11) isn't that long, he must have really been going for it to get so drunk he was vomiting. 10 hours to sleep and get ready is quite a reasonable time though, if he's vomited up some of the booze then he might manage to get up by himself or set an alarm when he has an early morning wee.

I'd wake him, because the drinking issues can be dealt with separately when others aren't affected; I don't think I'd stay with him if he was persistently getting drunk like this though.

OP obviously isn't friendly with the couple getting married; small weddings often don't include every possible new girlfriend who doesn't know the couple.

RJnomore1 · 03/08/2019 06:43

does he have a role in the wedding?

If not let him get on with it. You’re neither his keeper nor his mother.

Sweetpea55 · 03/08/2019 06:47

He's a grown up responsible for his own actions.
He knew that he was going to the wedding when he was pouring alcohol down his throat.
Leave him to wake up in his own time. Get yourself ready and go out. It's his own fault if he misses it all.

Cheby · 03/08/2019 07:00

If he has to drive to the wedding at 9am, then I definitely wouldn’t wake him. If he was so drunk he was being sick after 11pm, it’s unlikely he will be safe to drive.

Rule of thumb is 1 hour per unit of alcohol and start counting when you stop drinking. He has 10 hours between 11pm and 9am, and said he had ‘several beers and loads of shots’. 3 beers is around 6 units, and being conservative and assuming ‘loads’ of shots is 5 (presumably could be more), that’s at least another 5. This is at a house party, so I suspect the likelihood of a shot being a 25ml measure is slim to none, shots probably much more like 10 units, making 15ish in total.

So for that reason alone I wouldn’t wake him. The fact that this is a regular occurrence would make me worried about his relationship with alcohol. Surely work people are the worst group to get wasted with? What if he makes a tit of himself and damages his reputation in the workplace, puts his job at risk?

Bluntness100 · 03/08/2019 07:11

I'd also wake him.the drinking should be dealt with separately.

I honestly can see why there is so many dysfunctional relationships and lonely people when I read the posts on here. Some folks are just horrible they are punitive to their friends, partner, kids.

Then they wonder why they are lonely and everyone hates them.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 03/08/2019 07:13

I would leave him too.If he cannot sort himself out tough...

rwalker · 03/08/2019 07:15

just wake him up

katewhinesalot · 03/08/2019 07:18

He doesn't deserve a nice lie in. Set an alarm for him and let the bugger suffer. In fact you might have to set the alarm earlier so that he can get public transport.

Shoxfordian · 03/08/2019 07:18

Yeah I'd wake him up and probably make us both breakfast tbh but then I'm not the alcohol or the fun police

TitsalinaBumSquash · 03/08/2019 07:20

I'd leave him. I can't stand it when people won't take responsibility for their actions, if he knew he was going to get bladdered he should have set an alarm for the morning before he started drinking and pre booked a taxi since he won't be safe to drive.

Is he one of these sad people that try and be part of the 'cool' younger group and keep up with them if his colleagues are all a lot younger than him?

fraxion · 03/08/2019 07:21

I'd wake him but suggest he find alternative mode of transport because if he was that drunk he will be over the limit.

BlueJava · 03/08/2019 07:23

I'd leave him. He's an adult - if he has to be somewhere it's his responsbility to get there. In this case I'd also be worried about him driving if he has to be there at 9am. Personally I'd spend the weekend making plans to get him out of my life I'd find that behaviour unacceptable if it's regular.

whitebowls · 03/08/2019 07:23

I'd wake him up and give him coffee. It's his decision from there, but it would be extremely rude to not attend a wedding.
Pick your battles. I get that this has annoyed you but if his drinking is affecting all your lives regularly he needs to deal with that.

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