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AIBU?

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Original poster

To potentially let him miss the wedding?

204 replies

veryirritated · 03/08/2019 01:02

Name changed in case I'm identified from this!!

So this evening DP and I both went for drinks with separate friendship groups. He got there about 8:15 and somehow ended up at a house party with colleagues who are all several years younger than him. He knows he has to go to a friends wedding and drive there tomorrow, so said he would only drink a couple. At 11pm he phones me in a complete state saying he's done loads of shots, drank several beers etc. He only just makes the train home because it's late, gets home at midnight, eats half a pizza and vomits. I then find him passed out in bed.

If this was once in a blue moon, I'd say no more about it. But he gets carried away and into a state so that he misses trains or is too hungover to do stuff every time he goes out with work people. I find it very frustrating especially when he's said he's not going to drink too much that he always gets really drunk.

I am not going to the wedding tomorrow. He's passed out and left all his stuff downstairs so not got an alarm. AIBU to just let him sleep, and if he is late to the wedding, let him deal with consequences?!

OP posts:
Abouttoblow · 03/08/2019 01:54

I'm off to bed now and will sleep so much easier now that I know StillCoughing is a normal person. How on earth did we all manage before we had that information Hmm

StillCoughingandLaughing · 03/08/2019 01:55

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Ihuntmonsters · 03/08/2019 01:56

Vomiting and then passing out isn't getting 'a bit pissed'. If he was just a bit drunk he'd not be needing anyone to wake him up, he would have remembered he needed to be up early and made sure he had an alarm ready. In any case it sounds as if he will still be well over the limit tomorrow morning and feeling like shit too.

HiJenny35 · 03/08/2019 01:58

So wait, op has been on nights, she's knackered, she wants to sleep, she should have to put her alarm on, wake him up, find out how he's going to get there or drive him all because he repeatedly is too pathetic to take responsibility for his own drinking. Nope his problem. Put his clothes and phone next to the bed so he can put it on if he wakes up other than that not your problem. Yes sad for the wedding party however he knew he had the wedding you aren't his mother. He'll have to explain. He can't drive tomorrow morning anyway.

CJsGoldfish · 03/08/2019 01:58

Considering you say he does this often, I wouldn't be making a stand when it is a wedding he is supposed to go to. People have paid for him to attend and yes, it would be his own fault for missing and it would be all his fault that someone else was out of pocket etc etc but I still wouldn't do that to the couple.

You've put up for it up until now, and he apparently does it all the time, I'd wait until it wasn't at someone elses expense.

LagunaBubbles · 03/08/2019 01:58

Is he driving?

Quartz2208 · 03/08/2019 01:59

If you are awake wake him if you aren’t don’t
Don’t do his work for him and set an alarm if you are up of course wake him

HerRoyalNotness · 03/08/2019 01:59

You’re not his mother, don’t wake him or set an alarm. It’s his responsibility

SadOtter · 03/08/2019 02:01

I was going to say set him an alarm but if he's that drunk he can't drive, can he get there by public transport?

Abouttoblow · 03/08/2019 02:02

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Weezol · 03/08/2019 02:04

Given this has happened many times in the past, I wouldn't wake him. He needs to see the cosequences of his actions.

TyneTeas · 03/08/2019 02:04

How is it OP's responsibility to even set an alarm?

Leave him to it and don't wake him, especially as he is very very likely to be over the limit.

HalfBearOtherHalfCat · 03/08/2019 02:15

He's an adult, who should be capable of managing his own social life. Which includes not incapacitating himself with drink when he is well aware he has to get up in the morning.

I would have my lie in without a shred of guilt, and I wouldn't be bothering with waking him up (unless I just so happened to be awake at the appropriate hour) as it doesn't sound like he will be fit to travel anyway - let alone drive himself.

If this was unusual behavior I would probably be more helpful, but it sounds like a pattern of boozy twattery. So meh, time he coped with the consequences of his own actions without any help.

I hope your lie in was lovely OP.

Rainbowqueeen · 03/08/2019 02:24

Agree with those who say he will be over the limit and shouldn’t be driving
I’d base my decision round that. If he is the type who would attempt to drive anyway or there is no other feasible way to get there I’d leave him. You can’t let someone drink drive

If there is another way for him to get there I’d set my alarm for 9 and get him up then.

Durgasarrow · 03/08/2019 02:26

I would not set an alarm for him or get him up.

timshelthechoice · 03/08/2019 02:30

I'd leave him to it but hide his keys if he's planning to drive. Fuck sorting him out. Tbh, I couldn't be with someone who was well into adulthood and still behaved like this. How immature and stupid.

timshelthechoice · 03/08/2019 02:34

He knows he has to go to a friends wedding and drive there tomorrow,

The OP states that he is supposed to drive there. His car is still over at the colleague's house and he'll be over the limit to drive at 9am. So she would have to get him up like a teenager and drive his irresponsible arse there and then pick him up. And he has form for this. What a knob!

If he takes the hump with you for not wiping his drunk arse for him and being his mum I'd tell him to fuck right off and to stop drinking altogether if he doesn't have an off switch (I'm bad about stopping myself, so guess what, I grew the hell up and stopped drinking).

timshelthechoice · 03/08/2019 02:35

Sorry missed out the bold
He knows he has to go to a friends wedding and drive there tomorrow,

GreenTooth · 03/08/2019 02:45

I hope you're sound asleep in bed OP and have done a big fuck all to help your 'd'p for tomorrow. He sounds like a dick! Enjoy your lie in Smile

Ilady · 03/08/2019 02:58

He is an adult. At this stage he should know that actions have consiquances. He was supposed to go to his friends wedding and drive their so he should not have gone drinking last night. He won't be safe driving in a few hours time either.
Why should you set an alarm or get up in the morning to wake him up? Then you will have to drive him their because he will still be over the limit.
Let him deal with the fall out of not attending a friends wedding.

K1ssIt · 03/08/2019 03:20

Am I reading this right.

A fully grown adult man, knows he has an early start and drive for a friends wedding and chooses to get shitfaced the night before knowing he has these commitments but some people are telling the OP that her not setting an alarm and/or getting him up in the morning and likely driving him there after being on late night shifts herself wouldn't be fair on the people getting married?

If the wedding couple were so important to him he would have done what normal adults do and prioritised that himself and not got shit faced. Instead of expecting her to get him for their sake he could have not got out drinking for their sake, if they are that close to him they'd be hurt not showing up then it's on him to hurt his friends by not prioritising their wedding.

If it was a one off and a genuine one drink too many type thing then I might have left an alarm on for him, but because it's a regular thing and what happens every time he goes out, no I'd leave him. I absolutely would not make excuses for him either, if his friends ask him why he didn't turn up I'd tell them it's because he prioritised getting staying out late and drinking shots the night before he knew he was driving early morning his friends wedding instead of either. It going out if he knows he can't stop when he starts, or only having the couple he said he intended to.

dreichhighlands · 03/08/2019 03:50

He is an adult, these are his choices. Leave him to work out in the morning what he wants to do. Have your lie in. This is nothing to do with you.
If you are awake then you wake him up but only if you wake up naturally.

RadioSpice · 03/08/2019 04:38

I'd attempt to wake him and then leave him to get a taxi there in the morning. If he refuses to wake up, it's on him.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/08/2019 04:54

I would set an alarm right next to his ear.
Then I'd go to bed somewhere as far away from him as possible and go to sleep myself, and leave him to it.
If he chooses to ignore the alarm in the morning, so be it.

That IS a normal person's reaction. I wouldn't be facilitating this repetitive behaviour any more.

Before DH was DH, he would often go out with his mates on a Saturday night and get rat-arsed. Then he'd call me at 1 or 2 in the morning to come and collect him. After I'd done this a couple of times, and even been coerced into taking his equally drunk mate home (out of my way) I started turning the phones off so he couldn't get through. I had to turn the volume right down on the answerphone as well.

His life, he's an adult, his responsibility - not mine.

Decormad38 · 03/08/2019 05:01

Stop facilitating the man child. It's his decision, his actions, his friends wedding. Just get yourself off to bed.

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