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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To potentially let him miss the wedding?

204 replies

veryirritated · 03/08/2019 01:02

Name changed in case I'm identified from this!!

So this evening DP and I both went for drinks with separate friendship groups. He got there about 8:15 and somehow ended up at a house party with colleagues who are all several years younger than him. He knows he has to go to a friends wedding and drive there tomorrow, so said he would only drink a couple. At 11pm he phones me in a complete state saying he's done loads of shots, drank several beers etc. He only just makes the train home because it's late, gets home at midnight, eats half a pizza and vomits. I then find him passed out in bed.

If this was once in a blue moon, I'd say no more about it. But he gets carried away and into a state so that he misses trains or is too hungover to do stuff every time he goes out with work people. I find it very frustrating especially when he's said he's not going to drink too much that he always gets really drunk.

I am not going to the wedding tomorrow. He's passed out and left all his stuff downstairs so not got an alarm. AIBU to just let him sleep, and if he is late to the wedding, let him deal with consequences?!

OP posts:
Treblat · 03/08/2019 07:23

If this was a one off I'd wake him, but you said it's regular, I wouldn't, he needs to learn to control his drinking.

SnuggyBuggy · 03/08/2019 07:24

Can he even get there on public transport

Aridane · 03/08/2019 07:27

I agree with coughing, nurse, bluntness, shox, walker to set the alarm for him or wake him. It's the normal and adult thing to do

cushioncovers · 03/08/2019 07:28

I wouldn't bother setting him an alarm. Set yourself one and leave the house go have breakfast somewhere with your phone switched off. Stay away from the drama op. He's being a tit and assumes you're going sort him out.

SnuggyBuggy · 03/08/2019 07:30

Personally I wouldn't want to make a habit of being a life manager for someone with a drink problem.

3boysandabump · 03/08/2019 07:33

I would wake him up.

He's going to be feeling rough and the last thing he's going to feel like doing is going to the wedding. If you don't wake him he's got a good excuse to lie in bed all day sleeping it off.

The wedding will be a better punishment especially if he's driving so won't be having a hair of the dog.

number1wang · 03/08/2019 07:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HerkyBaby · 03/08/2019 07:43

In all likelihood he will still be over the drink drive limit at 9am.

Vilanelle · 03/08/2019 07:43

Hmm I'm torn, if it was my dp I would wake her. Mainly because she never drinks and is a sweet person.

But if he does this all the time then no, I wouldn't set an alarm. If I woke naturally about 9am then I would give him a nudge.

I think I would set my alarm and put it on his side of the bed. The rest is up to him.

Whatisinaname1 · 03/08/2019 07:46

I'd wake him if i was up but I'd tell him to get a cab or lift from someone rlse and go back to bed. If i wasnt, not my problem.

Pinkout · 03/08/2019 07:50

I would give him one nudge to wake him up but that’s it, I wouldn’t go to town trying to wake him. Sucks to miss the wedding and let his friends down but he’s an adult who made poor decisions the night before. Not your responsibility, you’re not his Mother.

Beautiful3 · 03/08/2019 07:58

My husband used to have form for this. He would go out the night before an event and get smashed that he'd cancel it. I got annoyed when one if those events was to babysit so I could go for lunch with friends I hadn't seen for almost a year. So the next time he got drunk I didn't wake him up for his event the next day. He missed it. Now he doesn't go out the night before anything. Funny that. Think it's called facing your consequences.

mummmy2017 · 03/08/2019 08:00

If and only if your awake give him a shake.
Yes to the get dressed and as you go out, give him another shake and then leave it .
This way you can disclaim all knowledge ..

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 03/08/2019 08:01

I think I would have set my alarm near him and hidden his keys with a text to him reminding him he’ll be over the limit until lunch time.

Juells · 03/08/2019 08:05

I would wake him up, because I’m a doormat normal person.

I couldn't be bothered with nannying a grown-ass man*

*I've been binge-watching Kevin Hart

Marmozet · 03/08/2019 08:07

I'd proceed with my lie in. It's his own bloody fault if he misses the wedding!

wizzler · 03/08/2019 08:11

I wouldn't wake him. If you wake him he will drive and he isn't going to be in any condition to do that safely.

Go do something that you enjoy, away from the house... no need for you to be around when he realises what's happened.

MaMaMaMySharona · 03/08/2019 08:12

I feel really awful for the poor couple who have paid to have him at their wedding and he cares so little he can’t even get himself to bed at a decent time. Not your problem though OP, although I would pop someone a message to let them know if you are able to. Perhaps he can still make it for the meal if he misses the service?

gumbalina01 · 03/08/2019 08:13

“I’m a normal person”
What a fucking tool@ still caughing

MumUndone · 03/08/2019 08:19

I would wake him for a wedding, as it affects other people if he's late - if it just affected him I wouldn't bother.

TheInvestigator · 03/08/2019 08:20

What is it with these older men who go out with all the young ones from work and end up getting completely shit faced? It's just sad. Does he have no self control?

I really can't stand people who get themselves into such a state that they vomit and pass out. If it's a regular thing then he wouldn't be the man for me; he'd have to go. I'm surprised you find his qualities attractive if this is as regular as you make it seem.

He can't drive today so it doesn't matter if he gets up or not. And if he does drive, then he is putting every other road and pavement user at risk. Selfish, idiot man.

rainbowstardrops · 03/08/2019 08:20

If I woke up before him then I might give him a nudge to wake up but I certainly wouldn't be going out of my way!
He's a grown adult ffs. He's going to have to sort alternative transport anyway as he couldn't regulate his own drinking. He sounds like a tool

TwistyTop · 03/08/2019 08:27

If this was my DH I would wake him, but then again he would so the same for me. Also my DH gets in a state once in a blue moon, where as it sounds like this is a common theme for you and maybe you are fed up and want him to actually learn from this experience. I don't think anyone could blame you for just leaving him to it and letting him face the consequences. It's really not your responsibility.

I actually wonder if it would even be worth waking him anyway, given that he will almost certainly still be over the limit to drive... Could you drive him? Would you even want to drive him?

OMGshefoundmeout · 03/08/2019 08:33

Go out and have a nice day and leave him to it. If he is late or misses the wedding let him deal with the consequences of his drunken night out himself . You are his wife not his nanny.

omione · 03/08/2019 08:39

I would wake him up and insist he attends the wedding and i would hope to God he suffered all day.
As for him getting rat arsed every time he goes out with workmates that is up to him but he needs to realise the impact on your life, time you told him

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