To potentially let him miss the wedding?

[veryirritated]

Name changed in case I'm identified from this!!

So this evening DP and I both went for drinks with separate friendship groups. He got there about 8:15 and somehow ended up at a house party with colleagues who are all several years younger than him. He knows he has to go to a friends wedding and drive there tomorrow, so said he would only drink a couple. At 11pm he phones me in a complete state saying he's done loads of shots, drank several beers etc. He only just makes the train home because it's late, gets home at midnight, eats half a pizza and vomits. I then find him passed out in bed.

If this was once in a blue moon, I'd say no more about it. But he gets carried away and into a state so that he misses trains or is too hungover to do stuff every time he goes out with work people. I find it very frustrating especially when he's said he's not going to drink too much that he always gets really drunk.

I am not going to the wedding tomorrow. He's passed out and left all his stuff downstairs so not got an alarm. AIBU to just let him sleep, and if he is late to the wedding, let him deal with consequences?!

Jesus what a man-child. Do you have children? If this is his standard, no control once he has had a couple of drinks, id be rethinking things before i got in too far...

Some people may eye roll and think that is ridiculous. But i guess it depends on your ages and where you are with your lives atm.

But she said he does it all the time! He needs to grow a pair, the op is not his mother.

I wouldn't wake him. One because he is an adult and should be sorting himself out and taking responsibility for his actions. Two because he has to drive and I fear that if he does get up he will insist on driving and will be in no fit state too, this will put him and others at risk.

Yes I would help my husband, get to a wedding that was important to him
The wedding clearly isn't important to him though otherwise he wouldn't of got so drunk.

She didn't say he does it all the time. She said he does it when he goes out with younger work colleagues.

He knows what time he needs to go, I would set a (reasonably quiet) alarm and leave him to it. I'd also be worried if he was due to drive

I'd get him up for purely selfish reasons. A peaceful day to myself.

Is he up yet or still comatose????

Yes I would help my husband, get to a wedding that was important to him if he was generally a kind and decent man who just messed up on occasion.

It's not on occassion for this husbabd though. It's every time he's out with them.

I would nudge him if up but OP may not have even planned being awake then. If she was planning to sleep in, i wouldn't change my plans. Perhaps I'd take his car keys and set an alarm with a note saying get a cab. Depending on how annoyed i was with his repeated behaviour.

. I agree with coughing, nurse, bluntness, shox, walker to set the alarm for him or wake him. It's the normal and adult thing to do

Sweet baby Jesus.

It is categorically not normal to have to set an alarm to wake a grown man who knows he has a serious commitment the next day, but is too comatose to deal with it himself.

On what planet is this normal?!

FFS, the level of bar some people set for themselves.

One attempt to wake him by means of a fairly hard prod and then leave him. Literally.

Ooherrmissus

FFS, the level of bar some people set for themselves.

THIS! x 100000. It's unreal.

their children especially

Totally irrelevant.

This is an adult male. Unless you’re suggesting OP should continue to bail out a man child?

If I overslept and my dp was awake I would be disappointed if they didn't try and wake me.

Hope you manage to get to the wedding today OP and enjoy yourself.

Once this latest episode blows over I would have a good hard look at his behaviour when you get a chance to sit and reflect. Is this behaviour likely to continue? My DH was always the drunkest person in the room when we were younger and going out with groups of mates. At the time we were all out having a good time so I didn't really recognise it for what it was. Being married to someone with alcohol problems is horrendous and I wish I had picked up on it earlier.

It did irreparable damage to our relationship and there were many, many times when I was furious, humiliated and regretted marrying him.

I wish I had known then what I know now. I'm not suggesting your path will be the same, but just to give you the advice I wish someone had given me. Sorry you've had all that stress, I've been there!

The op had a lie in planned because of a weeks worth of night shift (so not a lie in really- rather just the essential catch up that she needs after a week of dreadful sleep)

But pps are arguing that she should forgo her plans, set an alarm, and wake her husband because he can't manage his own choices?! Really? REALLY?!!

I hope you are asleep op, you aren't his mother, and are not responsible for his choices, or the consequences of his actions.

In this case I would deliberately not do anything to help him, but once he's awake I would be vaguely sympathetic but uninterested. It's perfectly reasonable for you to have assumed that he had set his alarm and would be able to get his own grown-up ass out of bed in time.

The wedding is a one off occasion that he will not get the opportunity to go to again so to use this as a life lesson is really shitty. It will be the couple whose wedding he is going to that will be upset.

Yes he was a bit irresponsible last night and if it was a something he planned to do today that could be rearranged for another time I may leave him but I wouldn’t for something as important as a wedding. If my husband did that to me and him waking me up would be of no detriment to him I would be pretty pissed off with him.

Truffle- but it is to detriment of op! She's not going to be awake anyway- not watching the clock tick by enjoying punishing him! She's going to be asleep herself as she's exhausted after a week on nights! She shouldn't have to set an alarm to wake herself up, the only purpose being to then wake up the other adult who wasn't responsible enough to do it himself!

Hope you manage to get to the wedding today OP and enjoy yourself

Op isn't going

Normal people don't usually have to parent other adults. It was his choice to get hammered the night before someone else's wedding.

OP I hope you are still fast asleep and catching up on your well earned rest.

Have I missed OP say whether it's her friend or his?

The wedding is a one off occasion that he will not get the opportunity to go to again so to use this as a life lesson is really shitty

It's not a life lesson she is teaching him, she isn't his parent!

He made the decision to get hammered. So if he has consequences then they are his consequences to own.

The op has been on lates not nights. Her dp does this every single time he goes out with work friends.
The op is not invited to the wedding.