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Original poster

Son getting annoyed when his clothes are in the ironing pile

210 replies

Buxton22386 · 02/08/2019 23:54

My oldest son is 21 and became very annoyed this morning because he couldn't find a pair of jeans. He was shouting his displeasure at 6.30 in the morning until I had no option to get up and find them (because it wasn't worth the complaints from the neighbours). He tells me it is a problem with the system I have for the washing. He was really rude and went out slamming the doors behind him. Its not the first time, and yes, I've told him he should leave if he is not happy about it.

OP posts:
maroonpink · 04/08/2019 08:39

Wow...what?! I'd have told him where to go! The little brat.

Peanutbuttericecream · 04/08/2019 08:43

As soon as they can reach the controls on the washing machine, you teach them how to use it. Same goes for the ironing board.

These males that mothers are spoiling, are the ones that find a partner and expect them to do everything domestic for them.

speakout · 04/08/2019 08:47

I wouldn't want all famiy members doing their own washing. It is far more efficient for me to do it. I am at home al lday anyway so can line dry, I like to sort by fabric type/colours etc. I don't have a tumble drier and indoor hanging space is limited. I makes for much more practical sense for me to do it all. My DS (21) and DD (19) have never used the washing machine.

Isitweekendyet · 04/08/2019 08:49

Get a little laundry bin. Plonk it in his bedroom. Put all his unironed clothes on his bed. His problem not yours if he takes displeasure at this a sincere apology and a stark change in attitude and you may reconsider.

Little turd.

Idontwanttotalk · 04/08/2019 08:52

Part of parenting is to prepare your DC for their future adult lives living away from home. This includes being able to do their own washing and ironing.

I started by washing and ironing my school uniform whenIwas about 12. You need to teach your DS how to do this NOW otherwise he is going to expect a future partner/wife to do everything for him.

You are (maybe inadvertently) setting a poor example for him. Does he know how to cook too and is he responsible for keeping his own room clean and tidy? If not you need to start preparing him now.

You aren't doing him any favours by doing everything for him. In fact you are doing him a great disservice and are neglecting your role as a parent.

Peanutbuttericecream · 04/08/2019 08:55

@speakout

Part of a parent’s job is to teach children life skills and being responsible for themselves.

deste · 04/08/2019 08:55

I would put all his laundry on top of his bed before he comes back (clean and dirty) and if he asks what it’s doing there you know exactly what to say to him. How dare he.

MissCharleyP · 04/08/2019 09:01

In fairness to him my DM wouldn’t LET me do my own. “We can’t afford you to just do yours, it’ll get done when I’m ready to do everything”. Similar to speakout. She did have a tumble drier but refused to use it due to costs, so we’d be waiting fucking days for towels, jumpers to dry outside. All year round. In Lancashire. When I was still at home I used to pretend to lie in on a Sunday and the second she’d left to go help my dad run the shop they had I’d sprint down, do a quick wash and tumble dry, praying that it would be done before they got back and the drier would have cooled down. I even offered to up my housekeeping so I could do my own but that was refused.

It was bliss when I moved to my own place and could do what I wanted, when I wanted. That said, I never iron anything and never have.

Vulpine · 04/08/2019 09:02

I guess it's ok if your son marries a woman who wants full control of the laundry

WaxOnFeckOff · 04/08/2019 09:08

I agree that it's fine to do things out of love for our DC, and if they are happy and grateful, that's all good. However, they need to learn how to do these things and also appreciate that they need to contribute to the household as well. My 19 and 17 year olds definitely don't do a quarter, but they know that it's not my job to pick up and clean after them. DH and I both work full time, they are in holiday from uni and school, whilst I think they need to enjoy these times and be available to spend time with friends, there is no way I'm coming home from work to deal with their breakfast and lunch dishes etc.

They tried also just leaving DHs coffee cup in the side instead of adding it to the dishwasher as it wasn't theirs until They were told that it's disrespectful and that DH does their evening dishes every night.

There is definitely a balance, ours is that they do their own rooms and bathroom and contribute to the laundry and do loads as required, do their own ironing, clear up their own stuff from breakfast and lunch and ad hoc stuff such as running errands and hoovering. They haven't done all this since a particular age but have had things added as they've got older.

No one needs to shout at anyone, that's probably the worst bit of the OP to be honest. It's the attitude that needs sorted most.

Also, anything clean and dry in our house goes into the ironing pile, that doesn't mean it all gets ironed, it just hasn't yet been sorted into who it belongs to and decided if it needs ironed or not. We do iron jeans as it makes them softer, we don't use fabric softener due to allergies and don't tumble dry so I think more needs ironed just for a nicer feel.

SlowDown76mph · 04/08/2019 09:11

Well, he's actually done you a favour! He's brought your attention to the inefficiencies in the in-house wash system. Thank him profusely - and then ask him if he would like a quick lesson in how to use the washer - as you have realised that he is a big boy now.

speakout · 04/08/2019 09:15

Peanutbuttericecream
I agree- my kids are independent, doing their laundry does not negate that.
Both have lived away from home ( back now for the moment)

Using a washing machine is hardly rocket science!!

Bugsymalonemumof2 · 04/08/2019 09:15

He is 21. I would be giving him 28 days notice to move out, end of.

ChihuahuaMummy1 · 04/08/2019 09:16

I was given an iron for one of my xmas presents age 16,my mum refused to do mine after that

speakout · 04/08/2019 09:19

I don't mind admitting that I love doing laundry.

So washing everyone's clothes is not a task for me.

pooopypants · 04/08/2019 09:20

I haven't RTFT

Hand him the iron, congratulate him on being old enough to work out how to use the iron. Print some instructions on how the washing machine works to go with the iron

Job done

He's a brat. Nip it in the bud OP, it won't get better.
Or tell him he has 6 weeks to find somewhere else to live.

Why are you putting up with this level of shittery from a grown adult!?!?!?!???

Angelf1sh · 04/08/2019 09:21

So what are you going to do about it OP? Venting here will not change anything.

SistemaAddict · 04/08/2019 09:21

You must be so proud.

Peanutbuttericecream · 04/08/2019 09:22

Doing your adult, or even teenager’s washing is teaching them that it’s okay for a woman to be a domestic slave.

These young people grow up expecting someone else to do their dirty washing.

I bet you’re the one who cleans the toilet as well.

Pellegrinopolly · 04/08/2019 09:31

If that had been my son, dh and me would be waiting for him when he got in from work and we would be having a serious word. Tell him shouting like that is comp!etely unacceptable and you will no longer be doing his washing, his ironing, his food shopping or his cooking. And I would be handing him a rota of chores too. And putting up his rent if it is massively subsidised. If he doesn't like it, he can find a house share!

BTW, my teens can organise their own clothes off their own bat and lay them out on a chair the night before an early start, and have been doing so from the age of 13 yrs!

speakout · 04/08/2019 09:31

Doing all the laundry is not an indication of being a "domestic slave".

All family members do a fair share of household tasks. Not every task is split.
I never empty the dishwasher. I never clean the cat litter tray. I never clean out the fridge or wash the kitchen floor.

I do all the laundry. I fail to see how that makes me a domestic slave.

Pellegrinopolly · 04/08/2019 09:41

speakout I agree it makes practical sense and it's less hassle for you to do your DCs washing for them, but efficiency isn't the only thing at stake here. It would be kinder to them to let them practice and make mistakes at home with you there to advise, rather than them leaving home and not having a clue. Same applies to cooking and cleaning. Also, they need to start taking responsibility for their own lives and learn some appreciation of what goes in to running a house and that it's not always mums job! If drying space is an issue, why not allocate each of them a specific day once a week on which to do their own washing? I've done this with my DC and if they miss their slot then tough, they have to wait until the following week and have dirty clothes in the meantime! They soon learn!

Pellegrinopolly · 04/08/2019 09:43

Speakout

X post! I see you have a fair distribution of tasks which is fab.

(I still stand by the learning point though about preparing for life on their own )

speakout · 04/08/2019 09:50

I just don't see laundry as a "life skill".

It's not a difficult thing to learn.

WaxOnFeckOff · 04/08/2019 09:59

It's not about it being a life skill in and of itself, it's the responsibility, organisation and realisation of it needing done and the requirement to contribute that is the point. Nothing wrong with trading chores. I do pretty much all the food shopping except for top ups which are shared.