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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son getting annoyed when his clothes are in the ironing pile

210 replies

Buxton22386 · 02/08/2019 23:54

My oldest son is 21 and became very annoyed this morning because he couldn't find a pair of jeans. He was shouting his displeasure at 6.30 in the morning until I had no option to get up and find them (because it wasn't worth the complaints from the neighbours). He tells me it is a problem with the system I have for the washing. He was really rude and went out slamming the doors behind him. Its not the first time, and yes, I've told him he should leave if he is not happy about it.

OP posts:
MothratheMighty · 04/08/2019 07:31

Yes, YABU to have raised yet another entitled arse who gets his own way by shouting.
DH does our laundry. No one has shouted to get their own way since they were small children, because it didn’t work way back then.

ThriftyMcThrifty · 04/08/2019 07:33

I wash and dry all our clothes and sort them into five piles. I put away mine and the babies, the 4 and 8 year old put away their own straight away. My husband leaves his in the laundry room for days but that’s up to him. I actually bought a spare laundry basket to dump his stuff in, so it’s not in my way. Can you ask your 21 year old to take over all laundry duties? Of course he will say no, but I would tell him you want him to do it and take it from there. Perhaps a good compromise would be like mine, you ensure it’s washed and dry, he takes over after that.

Benes · 04/08/2019 07:33

Why are you still doing his washing? At 21 he should be doing that himself as well as contributing to other household chores. My 4 year old would get short shrift if he woke me up at 6.30 looking for clothes.

I met my ex husband when he was 22 and still lived at home. His mum did everything for him. He was a bloody nightmare to live with and it didn't end well. His deeply ingrained misogynistic attitude was partly attributable to the fact his dad and all his brothers has never lifted a finger around the house.

user1480880826 · 04/08/2019 07:34

Where has he learned this behaviour? What’s his father like?

You need to stop being his skivvy. No more doing his laundry, making his dinner or buying his food. He’s a grown man.

Yeahnahmum · 04/08/2019 07:35

Hahahaha you got out of your bed for your t w e n t y o n e year old son who threw a tantrum over some pants 😂

Don't ever do that again op.

Those pp's being all smug about "my teenagers doing their own laundry "
Who cares. It is not a bad thing to do your kids laundry. It is a nice thing from op to do. Heck she even irons.

But op needs to do it from love
Motherly love. Not because her son thinks she is the maid.

AloneLonelyLoner · 04/08/2019 07:37

A quick anecdote, I was engaged to a man back in the nighties. It was a very promising relationship. He was 32.

One day he started having a similar hissy fit to your son about the same thing (we'd only just started to live together so I'd been unaware up until then or how warped his sense of responsibility was). My first thought? What kind of parents (mother if I'm honest) does this idiot have that he thinks this is acceptable.

I met his mother that Christmas. I found out. I didn't meet his dad because his dad ate in his study having his meal brought to him and generally being waited on.

I broke off the relationship by the end of the January.

You reap what you sow and your son needs to be sorted or it'll be something which others will blame you and your husband for later on. Do it now!!

speakout · 04/08/2019 07:37

Doing other people's laundry is not a problem in itself.

I don't think my OH has ever used our washing machine.

ThriftyMcThrifty · 04/08/2019 07:37

Oh and I didn’t realise people ironed jeans. I’ve never owned an iron and I’m 38, but I don’t buy things that look like they crease easily.

madcatladyforever · 04/08/2019 07:39

Wow he's going to make a fabulous mumsnet husband. Why isn't he doing his own laundry, he is a grown man.
I taught my son to do his own washing and ironing at 13 because I work full time and I'm not a maid.
I think you need to have that talk with him about behaviour under your roof.

kmammamalto · 04/08/2019 07:40

Is it only me that notices there are never these stories about grown adult daughters...

SeaEagle21 · 04/08/2019 07:42

"Congratulations, DS, here is a laundry basket for your room. You can now have your OWN laundry system, so you won't have anyone doing it wrong". End of conversation. Never engage in any convo about laundry again.

madcatladyforever · 04/08/2019 07:45

My mother was the miserable martyr who insisted on doing absolutely everything and none of us had any respect for her. It was a horrible house to grow up in.

slipperywhensparticus · 04/08/2019 07:48

My dd tried this my response was oh do shut up you have two choices move out or do it yourself, she is in university now and does it herself

MrsScamander · 04/08/2019 07:49

I did my own washing and ironing from age 13. Tell him to get a grip, stop doing his washing for him and tell him if he can't treat you with basic respect then he needs to move out.

I don't understand why you would put up with it??

maddening · 04/08/2019 07:51

Yep he does his own laundry but has to use a laundrette to do so as he can't interfere in your system.

omione · 04/08/2019 07:51

Why does he still live in your house ? If he has such a shitty attitude towards you and your home he needs to leave or more to the point he needs you to kick his childish backside out the door

Kittenance · 04/08/2019 07:52

@Buxton22386 please re-read what @AloneLonelyLoner wrote above.

You are quite right to object to your son's behaviour but how you respond to it now is absolutely critical to his long term happiness. He will not be able to form functional relationships with intelligent self-respecting people if he doesn't learn this lesson.

Remember that although at age 21 he is legally an adult, the human brain doesn't finish growing and maturing till late 20s - you still have a bit of parenting left to do.

Whilst obviously it might have been better to start this a few years ago, it's not too late now.

As an adult sharing your home he should be generally doing about a third of the domestic labour. I am sure that ironing isn't the only domestic task he thinks isn't his problem. But as pp say, there is a matter of individual choice when it comes to ironing and he can choose to wear unironed clothes if he doesn't prioritise that, but should not be given a free ironing service as if you were a servant.

Vulpine · 04/08/2019 07:53

His poor future wife

Greyhound22 · 04/08/2019 08:01

DS4 can put the washing machine on 😳

It sounds really unpleasant tbh - waking you up ranting at 6.30am because you hadn't got his clothes ready? It sounds quite abusive.

73Sunglasslover · 04/08/2019 08:08

He's absolutely right - the problem is the system. Can I suggest a new one? He can do all his own washing and ironing and perhaps all yours too.

Beamur · 04/08/2019 08:09

You have a wonderful opportunity here to allow your son to create the perfect washing system for his own clothes and execute it to his own satisfaction in future!
Plus you will genuinely be doing him (and his future partner) a huge favour plus saving yourself time and energy. Win win.

longwayoff · 04/08/2019 08:16

But he's already got a mostly satisfactory system, leave it to mum. Parents, please, train them. It would prevent so many future domestic upsets.

HJWT2 · 04/08/2019 08:22

God if this is how he treats his mother I don't want to see how he will treat his future partner 🤦🏻‍♀️

Rainbowknickers · 04/08/2019 08:24

I’ve done my own washing since I was 11
My brother used to treat my mother as the maid and she grew a back bone and told him to do his own
He did and it saved a lot of rows

LL83 · 04/08/2019 08:37

That's awful OP. No wonder you need to vent. Your son's behaviour is not acceptable, but you know that.

Not much advice unfortunately other than as others have said stop doing his laundry.

Many parents fall into the trap of doing to much for the children for a quiet life or dpnt notice they have become ungrateful you are not the first. Sorry you are getting such a hard time on here. I think people forget they are speaking to a person. I am sure they would not be so harsh to someones face.