Well what a learning opportunity for someone behaving like a spoiled brat!
My oldest son is 21 and became very annoyed this morning because he couldn't find a pair of jeans.
Why is that anybody's problem but his own? Is he incapable of keeping track of his own wardrobe?
He was shouting his displeasure at 6.30 in the morning until I had no option to get up and find them (because it wasn't worth the complaints from the neighbours).
"Son, I am doing NOTHING to help you find what you have misplaced until you stop shouting. And if you have woken the neighbours, you will be visiting them later to apologise, as well as to me & anyone else here you have woken with your rudeness."
He tells me it is a problem with the system I have for the washing.
"Wow, you've devised amore efficient method? Great, can't wait to see you putting it into action!"
He was really rude and went out slamming the doors behind him.
What an angry little chap. Do you feel the need to appease him out of his tantrums, (eg by "having" to get up), or can you start challenging each incident as it arises?
"Son, I'm cross about the way you slammed the door this morning & you are not going to do it again. That is a non-negotiable part of living here as an adult. I expect adult behaviour from you."
Its not the first time, and yes, I've told him he should leave if he is not happy about it
Good. The only thing wrong with it is that the statement is topsy turvy.
Your son gets to leave if YOU are not happy about it.
You are going to have to impress that upon him, or all he will hear is 'like it or lump it' - & as his other behavioirs indicate that his acting out results in quite satisfactory outcomes for him, he is unlikely to believe that you mean it.
So turn it around. You require that he washes & manages his own clothes, as well as anyone else's which are in the laundry when he is filling the machine. That he does not shout & keeps an adult level of control of his temper. That sounds like the bare minimum to me, & I hope you also have a list of fairly-shared chores which are now his as well.
He behaves respectfully, keeps his temper, takes more responsibility for his own stuff & also some family chores - or he moves out.
It may sound an abrupt switch to harshness, OP, but he has a serious atitude problem & it must be driving you round the twist. If you don't lay it on the line now you will be entering a constant seesaw of him kicking off with entitled, demanding behaviour & you appeasing it by responding to & enabling it. Which props up his already grandiose notions, such as his time & sleep being more important than yours, so hey - next time he's frustrated all he need do is be as unpleasant & shouty as is required to start the seesaw of demands off again, & have then appeased .. & on & on ad infinitum.
A lot of young men can be like this OP. They can grow out of it if strong women around them start calling them out on it, & ensuring that the consequences are followed up.