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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family asking to stay in our home when we are away.

437 replies

LoveGigi · 02/08/2019 17:13

Okay please give me it straight!

AIBU

We are heading off on holiday for 2 weeks on Tuesday and my in laws have kindly agreed to house sit and look after our 2 indoor cats.

About 3 weeks ago one of my SILs messaged me asking if we would mind her, DH and DS could also come to stay whilst we are away. In said msg she also asked if we would like them to come down immediately prior to us leaving so we could all spend some quality time together. This I felt was disingenuous as she hasn’t visited us for 5 years and I think the comment was shoved in there to mask the fact that she is using us.

I seethed for 2 days and replied saying that they could stay whilst we were away but we were too busy to see them before we left. I chose to fester bitterly instead of dealing with the guilt I would feel for saying no.

Then today the other SIL has asked to come and stay whilst we are away it would be her and her three DCs!! That is a total of 9 people staying whilst we are on holiday. I again feel used as they also have not bothered to come and visit in countless years!!

This wing of the family all live within 10 mins of each other and we are miles away in the capitol.

I feel totally resentful as I feel I can’t say no without suffering years of disdain!

I am a working mother of 3 DCs and the effort it takes to pack to get the family out the door for the holiday is enough without the stress of sorting out the house for 9 guests!!

I also am being mega precious about my new bedroom which I’ve only just moved into so I really don’t want anyone staying in my new bed!!!

Go on, am I being chuffing unreasonable??

OP posts:
Snowfalling · 02/08/2019 17:17

Op, say no. This sounds like a nightmare, the house will probably get trashed, I couldn't relax on my holiday knowing 9 people were roaming around in my house!!

They don't feel bad imposing on you horribly, why do you feel bad saying no??

Snowfalling · 02/08/2019 17:19

Could you say that there are refurbishments ongoing, your home is not guest ready, you can't let anyone stay?

notsohippychick · 02/08/2019 17:19

Oh my god no no no no. Don’t do it OP. you’ll be worrying all the time you are away.

The brass neck of it! Cheeky fuckery indeed

CanIGoToBedNow · 02/08/2019 17:20

Fuck that - can’t a neighbour pop in to feed the cats? Cancel the whole lot of them! They are taking the piss!

GrandTheftWalrus · 02/08/2019 17:20

I let the ex bil and wife stay in our house but it was for 2 nights so they could get a domino's and they stayed in our spare room.

I however didnt like it as I know my mil would've been nosing around etc.

I wouldn't do it again.

Springhassprung11 · 02/08/2019 17:20

I think you should have just been honest and said 'sorry, I really don't feel comfortable with you all staying when we are away, but you are welcome to come when we get back- it would be lovely to spend some time together'

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 02/08/2019 17:21

Absolutely no way and make this very clear to your PIL

slipperywhensparticus · 02/08/2019 17:21

Ask them to let in pest control for you while your gone for your mice /flea/crab infestation tell them you think you have treated the bed bugs but they might want to bring antihistamine just in case and your sure that the wasps nest will go before they arrive?

TheHandsOfNeilBuchanan · 02/08/2019 17:21

Get a cat sitter/cattery and say there's been a cat flea infestation, sorry no visitors

Sunandrainallconfusedhere · 02/08/2019 17:21

Shame if you had a burst pipe and had to have your water off for a week for repairs...

MarthasGinYard · 02/08/2019 17:21

I wouldn't let anyone other than your cat sitters stay.

Powerof4 · 02/08/2019 17:21

YANBU- I think just say no as you don't have time to prepare the house for guests prior to the holiday.

BeanBag7 · 02/08/2019 17:21

Say no to second SIL on the basis that first SIL is already staying and there isn't space for all of them.
If you're going for 2 weeks suggest that one family comes for the first week and one for the second? Or if you really dont want them staying at all (not unreasonable!) Just say no and deal with the fallout. It doesnt sound like you are very close anyway

Bluntness100 · 02/08/2019 17:22

Jesus that's a proper piss take. They've all agreed it amongst themselves. Clearly using your home as a holiday home.

I'm not really sure what you can do withoutncausing issues. They have done it so sneakily asking one by one.

What does your husband think?

Andylion · 02/08/2019 17:25

Do you think your inlaws suggested they come along too? Have they said anything about it?

yourestandingonmyneck · 02/08/2019 17:25

Do you have a particularly nice / big house? In a particular location or something? I find it odd that they are all so desperate to visit for some reason, particularly when you are away. Like they are seeing it as a holiday Confused

I wouldn't feel comfortable with it and I'd feel pissed off that they'd rather stay in my house when we are away than visit to spend time with us.

I also suspect your house cats won't like it and that would be my excuse to cancel the whole lot of them and get a cat sitter / neighbour.

Idontwanttotalk · 02/08/2019 17:27

I'd sooner put the cats in a cattery and not let anyone stay.

reefedsail · 02/08/2019 17:29

See if you can find last minute availability in a cattery for the cats and cancel the lot.

Douberry · 02/08/2019 17:29

Omg just say no OP! Your house will get trashed.

Divebar · 02/08/2019 17:31

I was all ready to say that you were being mean until I got to the end of your OP - absolutely no way. They are a bunch of CFs. Who needs that? Having to clean and make beds for 9 people AND get ready for your own holiday. No way... say you’ll be happy to see them at another date.

bilbodog · 02/08/2019 17:31

No YANBU - i would be worried about coming home to a huge mess and all the beds to change! Is your house large enough to sleep that many comfortably? Perhaps say youve had second thoughts and only happy for inlaws to stay now. If they do end up coming ask them to bring all their own bedding.

MotherOfSoupDragons · 02/08/2019 17:32

Yep, cattery and noone stays. They've hatched this plan between them, CFs.

AnyFucker · 02/08/2019 17:32

Is your house an AirBnB ?

WhoAmIToTellYou · 02/08/2019 17:33

Imagine the state of the house when you return... i doubt they will leave it as they found it, doesn’t sound the type of people.
Fuck that. Just say no, im not comfortable with all of you staying over, it’s my private space, im sure you’ll understand. Would love to get together soon though.

PanamaPattie · 02/08/2019 17:34

Cattery. Even if you ask your family not to come, they will anyway - trash your house and post pictures on Facebook - taking the piss.