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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family asking to stay in our home when we are away.

437 replies

LoveGigi · 02/08/2019 17:13

Okay please give me it straight!

AIBU

We are heading off on holiday for 2 weeks on Tuesday and my in laws have kindly agreed to house sit and look after our 2 indoor cats.

About 3 weeks ago one of my SILs messaged me asking if we would mind her, DH and DS could also come to stay whilst we are away. In said msg she also asked if we would like them to come down immediately prior to us leaving so we could all spend some quality time together. This I felt was disingenuous as she hasn’t visited us for 5 years and I think the comment was shoved in there to mask the fact that she is using us.

I seethed for 2 days and replied saying that they could stay whilst we were away but we were too busy to see them before we left. I chose to fester bitterly instead of dealing with the guilt I would feel for saying no.

Then today the other SIL has asked to come and stay whilst we are away it would be her and her three DCs!! That is a total of 9 people staying whilst we are on holiday. I again feel used as they also have not bothered to come and visit in countless years!!

This wing of the family all live within 10 mins of each other and we are miles away in the capitol.

I feel totally resentful as I feel I can’t say no without suffering years of disdain!

I am a working mother of 3 DCs and the effort it takes to pack to get the family out the door for the holiday is enough without the stress of sorting out the house for 9 guests!!

I also am being mega precious about my new bedroom which I’ve only just moved into so I really don’t want anyone staying in my new bed!!!

Go on, am I being chuffing unreasonable??

OP posts:
truthisarevolutionaryact · 02/08/2019 18:29

Come on OP - you need to get a grip of this. 9 people living in your house??? People who can't be arsed to see you for years but now fancy a free trip to London at your expense? People with no sense of 'shame ' like this are the type of people who will not respect your rules.

There is nothing wrong in saying you have changed your mind - the wear and tear, never mind the offensiveness of them using all your belongings while not being arsed to see you for years.

Have you had a think to see if there is anyone who would mind the cats and the house for you? If the cats are vaccinated there may well be some last minute cancellations in local catteries.

There is nothing wrong in saying that you've reflected and changed your mind - they're using you.

colourlessgreenidea · 02/08/2019 18:29

Does anyone remember the thread a year or two ago where the OP went away and the entire family availed themselves of their house & loads of stuff was missing: duvets, crockery, etc?

I’ll see if I can find it, as it’s a spookily similar scenario so the OP might be wise to read it.

Rachelover40 · 02/08/2019 18:30

You have a generous heart! I'm sure SIL, BIL and their children will have a lovely holiday with grandparents while you're away. In your house :-).

I hope the cats are properly cared for, eg kids do not leave back door open or whatever.

My other hope is that you come back to a nice surprise from them all.
FlowersWine

Justsee · 02/08/2019 18:30

Say NO op and stand your ground. Otherwise it will all end it tears

cuppycakey · 02/08/2019 18:32

Does anyone remember the thread a year or two ago where the OP went away and the entire family availed themselves of their house & loads of stuff was missing: duvets, crockery, etc?

I remember one where the SIL was told she couldn't come when the OP was away but she came anyway and broke in the back door. I think there was a swimming pool involved but I may be getting confused.

justasking111 · 02/08/2019 18:33

I used my friends daughter and her boyfriend to look after cats, dogs, hens, when we went away. Hell would freeze over before I let my nosy mother loose in our home.

HappyNOTdriving · 02/08/2019 18:33

I would love to stay in a 4 bed London house for free!

It costs over £100 a night for a basic double in a not even fancy hotel in London!

They are getting a holiday in London for the cost of the train or fuel!

lavenderbluedilly · 02/08/2019 18:33

Hell no, you’ll end up coming back to do a pile of cleaning and laundry after that many guests! Book a cattery instead - I can’t see it being any worse for your cats than having 9 strangers suddenly living there!

colourlessgreenidea · 02/08/2019 18:33

Here we go: it was from earlier this year, I thought it was longer ago

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3552117-I-m-a-Mugg-AIBU-to-think-it-was-going-to-be-different

Pinkcat231 · 02/08/2019 18:33

As PPs said it’s not fair on the cats, it’s not fair on you and quite frankly it’s not fair on the rest of us because we’re all really stressed about the CFs using your house like this! Grin

Please tell them no, will you really be able to enjoy your holiday knowing they’re in your home?

Nosavingshere · 02/08/2019 18:34

thought that we would regret saying no as it would strain relations.
This has got to be on the first page of the cf manual.
Come on people of mumsnet just start saying no. And if relations are strained it’s not your fault.

GoodwithRocksandGems · 02/08/2019 18:34

YANBU. At all. I know how you feel. It’s not the potential trashing, its having them all there, in your space. I would hate it and also have family who would ask and there would be a fall out if it didn’t happen.

That is why I always use non relations for house sitting. We use trusted housesitters.com, recommended on Mumsnet incidentally! 😉

Sexnotgender · 02/08/2019 18:34

Get yourself on trustedhousesitters - I’ve used it for my 2 cats and dog. It’s FANTASTIC. I’ve got a referral code if you want to PM me it will give you a discount.
Do not let 9 people roam round your house while you’re on holiday Confused

KurriKurri · 02/08/2019 18:36

I see you have decided to let them stay - and I understand you don;t want to upset the apple cart - fair enough. If it were me I would not be able to stop myself saying something to PIL along the lines of 'I felt rather put on the spot, it really is a bit cheeky for everyone to descend on our house when we are away.' They want a free holiday in the capital but they don't want your company. That's rude and taking advantage.

As someone said upthread - you're not an airbandb.

Can you get a lock put on your door - i would not imagine people this cheeky would respect your request to keep out of your room - their kids will probably be jumping all over the bed.

SuzieQ10 · 02/08/2019 18:38

Call it all off and get a cat sitter!!
Even if it's expensive. This situation going on at home is just going to ruin your holiday. There's no chance you won't be away worrying about home. You don't have to do it - you can say no. And should say no!

Sicktobloodydeath · 02/08/2019 18:38

It’s the fact they haven’t visited you and now they want to visit WHEN YOU’RE NOT THERE that really twists the knife for me. And I’d be informing them of that at the same time I told them ‘no, you won’t be staying’

If this was family you’re close to, and visit often, I’d say yes let them stay if you’re comfortable with it. But the fact they’re just coming for the accommodation is shocking

Sexnotgender · 02/08/2019 18:38

Definitely put a lock on your bedroom if you’re going to let them stay. They will absolutely use your lovely new room and probably root through your stuff too.

DoubleMs · 02/08/2019 18:39

ask you MIL and PIL if they know about this? and say how hurt you are that they all want to come while you are away. Can they think of any reason why their daughters would be looking to stay in your house while you are away?

Which I think is the most hurtful thing about it.

Nottobesoldseparately · 02/08/2019 18:46

Lock on your new bedroom door with everything you hold dear moved in there, including paperwork, your children's favourite toys, your favourite mug etc

And make sure the lock has a padlock on it to!

Jocasta2018 · 02/08/2019 18:48

VeryImportantPets are also good for people coming in to feed cats. I've never used them for actual house sitting but all the people are DBS checked. They're based in Wimbledon but seem to have sitters all over the SE (I'm in Guildford!).

TatianaLarina · 02/08/2019 18:50

Trustedhousesitters are ace. If you put an ad on tonight, you will have someone by the end of the weekend.

eddielizzard · 02/08/2019 18:50

Outrageous! Can't be bothered when you're there, but the second you're gone they arrive. So rude. I would say no. Relations are already strained.

But ok, you've said yes. Thing is they'll do whatever the hell they want anyway. Sure you don't want to book a cattery now and tell them not to bother?

Snowfalling · 02/08/2019 18:51

Guaranteed the bedroom lock will be broken and the cats stressed by the time you get back. It's really not fair on the poor moggies.

Rivkka · 02/08/2019 18:52

I'd just say no offence but I'm a bit uncomfortable with people staying in my house if I'm not there so do you mind awfully if I say no.

And then just keep saying no. No no no.

HotChocWithCream · 02/08/2019 18:53

I'm honestly aghast that you are concerned about straining relations! Who cares if they think YABU? I certainly wouldn't!

I personally wouldn't allow this- my home is my sanctuary and I would not relax with 9 peopLe using it in my absence!