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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family asking to stay in our home when we are away.

437 replies

LoveGigi · 02/08/2019 17:13

Okay please give me it straight!

AIBU

We are heading off on holiday for 2 weeks on Tuesday and my in laws have kindly agreed to house sit and look after our 2 indoor cats.

About 3 weeks ago one of my SILs messaged me asking if we would mind her, DH and DS could also come to stay whilst we are away. In said msg she also asked if we would like them to come down immediately prior to us leaving so we could all spend some quality time together. This I felt was disingenuous as she hasn’t visited us for 5 years and I think the comment was shoved in there to mask the fact that she is using us.

I seethed for 2 days and replied saying that they could stay whilst we were away but we were too busy to see them before we left. I chose to fester bitterly instead of dealing with the guilt I would feel for saying no.

Then today the other SIL has asked to come and stay whilst we are away it would be her and her three DCs!! That is a total of 9 people staying whilst we are on holiday. I again feel used as they also have not bothered to come and visit in countless years!!

This wing of the family all live within 10 mins of each other and we are miles away in the capitol.

I feel totally resentful as I feel I can’t say no without suffering years of disdain!

I am a working mother of 3 DCs and the effort it takes to pack to get the family out the door for the holiday is enough without the stress of sorting out the house for 9 guests!!

I also am being mega precious about my new bedroom which I’ve only just moved into so I really don’t want anyone staying in my new bed!!!

Go on, am I being chuffing unreasonable??

OP posts:
Troels · 02/08/2019 17:57

Hell no. I'd put the cats in the cattery, cancel the inlaws as they will just let everyone stay anyway and get a ring doorbell so you can see who comes and goes.

OVienna · 02/08/2019 17:57

You know they'll let your cats out, and you'll never see them again, don't you?

This.

I have a precious cat. I would not allow this to happen. Far too interested in their socialising than keeping a watchful eye and it will be too much for the cats as well.

Also, most of the excuses on here (I can't get the house ready for 9 people, blah blah blah) they'll bypass with: Oh we don't mind what state it's in, etc. I am not even going to ask if there's room as people like this "find" room on sofas etc.

If you let one group stay the follow up thread will be that they all came.

Cattery or another person coming in and out to check.

DeRigueurMortis · 02/08/2019 17:57

The OP said she lives in the capitol - so presumably the family want to use her house to have a free holiday in London.

Ihavepatrick · 02/08/2019 17:57

Fuck no! Cancel the lot of them and find a neighbour/friend to cat sit.

Candymay · 02/08/2019 17:58

I would absolutely not allow this. Please say no. Use a cattery this time. Absolutely no no no! Tell them you’ve changed your mind and the cats are somewhere else. Be strong!

EllieHJ · 02/08/2019 17:58

That is a nightmare and something will get damaged. They are taking the piss. I hate people sleeping in our bedroom - our kids only. Can't you speak to PIL and say something like it's too much and can they please just come alone. Would they want 9 people in their house?

Original poster
LoveGigi · 02/08/2019 17:59

Phew, I feel relieved to hear I am not being unreasonable! Although I fear on this occasion I will have to suck it up, but this will never happen again. I will never ask the in laws to look after the cats as clearly this is a green light for many to come and stay!

As for our house we have 4 bedrooms, one of which is our new loft bedroom which I don’t want to share as we literally have just moved up there. We live in a standard London terrace, although I love my home it’s nothing spectacular.

I have already replied to second SIL and said that she could stay as long as they don’t stay all at the same time and that no one is in our new room. I’ve not had a reply. I also asked her to bring towels as we simply don’t have enough.

As for the place being looked after, my in laws will look after the place and leave it in a good state but it will be multiple bedding changes for them now too!

DH feels put upon too and would say no to them but we both thought that we would regret saying no as it would strain relations.

I will definitely not be happy knowing everyone is here when I’m not and I feel worried about the cats and them not accidentally being let out etc.

Cattery booking for next year is a certainty.

OP posts:
youngestisapsycho · 02/08/2019 18:00

No, no, no....the other SIL will just come anyway cos you won’t be there. I wouldn’t have anyone staying in my house.

Beautiful3 · 02/08/2019 18:01

I second the cattery and a prompt email explaining that it's not a good time to visit. But they are welcome to stay for a few days when you return. Would be great to catch up. Something like that.

MatildaTheCat · 02/08/2019 18:01

‘ we have had a think about your request to visit while we are away and sadly it’s a no. The cats become very stressed by visitors and we wouldn’t be able to relax on our very much needed break. Hope you can find another time to see the in-laws.’

Yes, I do know they live just near each other the CFs.

viques · 02/08/2019 18:01

Are your cats fully vaccinated? Being indoor cats means they might not be so a cattery is out I'm afraid. Cat minder/local reliable teen/friendly neighbour is your best bet.

CokeAndCrispsAndDip · 02/08/2019 18:01

Fuck that. No way, my little house is my home and my private space and it's only my sister who might stay on her own when I'm away with the kids or cat sitting and watching my Netflix Grin

No way would I let practically strangers in my home without me there. The older I get, the mess shit I take. Niceties to cheeky fuckers get you nowhere. I'd pay a cat sitter and change the locks. Yes, really!

Leeds2 · 02/08/2019 18:02

I would cancel my holiday before I allowed any of them to sat, including MIL as I wouldn't trust her not to allow her daughters in once you had left. Before resorting to such an extreme, I would put the cats in a cattery and get back any keys to your house that MIL may have.

How does your DP feel about it all?

Candymay · 02/08/2019 18:02

And yes- get the cctv doorbell set up. And let them know you’re monitoring.
You can say- all change. The cats have a sitter coming in. You will be checking the sitter via your cctv that you have set up for this purpose.
I would even go as far as changing the locks if they might have a key.
Honestly I feel so strongly about this- your precious cats, precious home, new bed. Oh my goodness I’m in a terrible state just thinking about this. No!

SoupDragon · 02/08/2019 18:03

Put a lock on your bedroom door otherwise they will use it.

cuppycakey · 02/08/2019 18:04

I have already replied to second SIL and said that she could stay as long as they don’t stay all at the same time and that no one is in our new room

And how will you police this from Rhodes/Mauritius?

They will do what the fuck they like and it will be way too many people for your cats to cope with. I wouldn't do this for my cats sake, never mind anything else. Just say someone else is popping in/sitting and cancel ILS entirely. This will ruin your holiday otherwise.

MatildaTheCat · 02/08/2019 18:04

Ok cross posted. Lock your room, they so will use it. And don’t do a big stock up before they come.

I’m very used to being the family hotel and trust me, the better you make it the more they come. 😉

HeadintheiClouds · 02/08/2019 18:04

Do you really imagine they’ll sleep on the sofa because you’ve asked them not to sleep in your “new room”??
I hope you never meet any situation you really need to take a stand against, op, you’re a complete pushover.

CokeAndCrispsAndDip · 02/08/2019 18:04

If they do stay OP but a bolt and padlock on your bedroom door. The visitors are gonna nose round and you can protect your room and hide personal things you or your kids want protected. My 2 wouldn't want their cousins playing with their stuff

saraclara · 02/08/2019 18:04

Okay. You have to make it clear to your PIL that you do NOT want everyone at once, that you do NOT want that new room used, and that you are feeling somewhat put upon as you'll need to get the house ready for them all. Make it clear that there is no room for negotiation an any of that.

ATrampsVest · 02/08/2019 18:04

Install a lock on your bedroom door.

longtimelurkerhelen · 02/08/2019 18:05

Just send another email, saying after thinking about it that it is too much for the cats to deal with and you are worried one the kids will forget to shut doors etc.

As you haven't seen them for years anyway, it not like you are going to notice a difference. They havent bothered to visit you before so I doubt they were planning to now (unless you go away again) def massive CF's. I would not worry about offending them.

Feelingwalkedover · 02/08/2019 18:05

No Nono no
I would not have a problem saying no at all

Eyewhisker · 02/08/2019 18:06

They are taking the piss a bit, but I would suck it up to avoid a major family rift.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/08/2019 18:06

You know they’ll come all together and stay in the loft. This is planned.