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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family asking to stay in our home when we are away.

437 replies

LoveGigi · 02/08/2019 17:13

Okay please give me it straight!

AIBU

We are heading off on holiday for 2 weeks on Tuesday and my in laws have kindly agreed to house sit and look after our 2 indoor cats.

About 3 weeks ago one of my SILs messaged me asking if we would mind her, DH and DS could also come to stay whilst we are away. In said msg she also asked if we would like them to come down immediately prior to us leaving so we could all spend some quality time together. This I felt was disingenuous as she hasn’t visited us for 5 years and I think the comment was shoved in there to mask the fact that she is using us.

I seethed for 2 days and replied saying that they could stay whilst we were away but we were too busy to see them before we left. I chose to fester bitterly instead of dealing with the guilt I would feel for saying no.

Then today the other SIL has asked to come and stay whilst we are away it would be her and her three DCs!! That is a total of 9 people staying whilst we are on holiday. I again feel used as they also have not bothered to come and visit in countless years!!

This wing of the family all live within 10 mins of each other and we are miles away in the capitol.

I feel totally resentful as I feel I can’t say no without suffering years of disdain!

I am a working mother of 3 DCs and the effort it takes to pack to get the family out the door for the holiday is enough without the stress of sorting out the house for 9 guests!!

I also am being mega precious about my new bedroom which I’ve only just moved into so I really don’t want anyone staying in my new bed!!!

Go on, am I being chuffing unreasonable??

OP posts:
Mrsmadevans · 02/08/2019 17:46

cancel the holiday

Whatdayisit2 · 02/08/2019 17:46

"Gosh so sorry I've just realised that'll be 9 people staying! It just won't be possible this time, but let's get a date together when we are back" then either change locks or don't give them the key. Outrageous!

UrsulaPandress · 02/08/2019 17:46

But what will you do with all the stuff you don't want folk nosing through?

Jaxhog · 02/08/2019 17:48

You know they'll let your cats out, and you'll never see them again, don't you?

You know they'll trash your house, don't you?

You know they'll run up a huge energy and TV bill, don't you?

You HAVE to say no. I wouldn't be able to enjoy my holiday otherwise.

Don't worry about offending them. Anyone who does this is beyond being offended.

Nousernameforme · 02/08/2019 17:48

Agreed with the above I can see 2 ways of getting out of it.

  1. Just say it's getting out of hand now say to first sil that you obviously can't let them stay without letting the 2nd one stay and that would be too many people in your home. Then to Pil that you don't want to be the cause of bad blood between them but not to worry looking after the cats you have a friend who has offered to pop in and do it for you.
  1. Is to go on the defensive and tell both you don't see them for years but it seems they are quite happy to stay in your house for a free holiday as long as you aren't there. You can tell them how hurt and offended you have been by their horrible behaviour and then tell pil thanks but no thanks and let Pil be pissy with Sil for ruining their getaway
Piffle11 · 02/08/2019 17:48

There's no point in you saying no to 2nd SIL, as MIL and other SIL will let her stay without your consent. So the way I see it, you either agree and worry/seethe for the whole time, or you say no to ALL of them and either put your cats in a cattery or try and find a kind neighbour/friend who will call round to check on them and give them what they need. And I hope none of them have a key, or they'll be round anyway.

AngelasAshes · 02/08/2019 17:48

I don’t think I would fake an emergency and put the cats in a chattery though.
I’d put my foot down and tell them how it is. They can like it or lump it.

viques · 02/08/2019 17:48

PS if you use a local vets contact them, ask the vet nurses if they know of a reliable cat sitters, or if one of them would be willing to do it, terms negotiable.

StrongTea · 02/08/2019 17:48

No chance, apart from sorting out your own holiday stuff,

you will have to change bedding, sort out space for their clothes and who is going to do all bed changes etc when you get back. You will need another holiday

Coronapop · 02/08/2019 17:49

In future use a cattery.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 02/08/2019 17:49

Fuck that the house needs fumigating as there is bad case of bed bugs!

TarragonSauce · 02/08/2019 17:49

I think even if you say no to the second sil they will sneak in anyway. Same with the first really, if their parents are there.
The only option you have is to suddenly say oh X can come in to feed the cats now which was my original plan so now nobody needs to stay.
And get a cattery.
I got the hump some years ago when mil was dog sitting and bil and family came a-visiting 3 times when they hadn't bothered to visit in the previous two years. Suddenly very convenient. I'm not precious about my house or my things, it's just the rudeness - refuse about 15 invitations from me then as soon as my back's turned they're in there.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 02/08/2019 17:50

It's a shame that your house is going to 'flood' just before you go on holiday meaning nobody can stay there! I'm sure they will be able to rearrange another time soon though!!

HeyMonkey · 02/08/2019 17:50

Nope. They basically want to use your house as a house party base and it'll get trashed. Say no. And emphasise that you'll be severely fucked off if you come home to a shithole.

Chamomileteaplease · 02/08/2019 17:50

Google the nearest cat "kennels" and say thank you but no to all of them.

What a nightmare.

If you did let any of them stay please do not get your house ready in any way which causes you any pre holiday extra stress.

I feel stressed just reading your post. Please say no!

longtimelurkerhelen · 02/08/2019 17:51

NO NO NO NO NO NO

Why are they contacting you and not their own sibling?

Far too many people in what I assume is a 3 bed house. Look up local cattery and say no to the lot of them.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 02/08/2019 17:51

alternatively you could be honest and assertive and say bit put out that they haven’t bothered to see you in years but happy to pile into your house when away

HollowTalk · 02/08/2019 17:51

The thing is that if you're not there, they could turn up and stay without you knowing.

Is your house big enough to put up 9 people?

nonevernotever · 02/08/2019 17:52

I would also be worried that with nine people staying, particularly without me, the chances of my indoor cats being let out / going missing etc are just too high.

Wilderr · 02/08/2019 17:53

Either of @Nousernameforme options works. CFers. Do not let any of them stay.

twilightcafe · 02/08/2019 17:54

I do this (grudgingly) for SIL.
It's a lot of aggro, tbh. You have to get ready for your own holiday, then make sure the house is ready for guests. Then strip beds and change bed linen when you get back. The only comfort is that someone's in the house while we are away, and the cat is fed.

Cosentyx · 02/08/2019 17:55

I'd find a cattery and cancel the whole thing and not give keys to anyone. The PILs will let them all stay over.

longtimelurkerhelen · 02/08/2019 17:55

I know my cats would be very upset with a houseful of strangers, even if they are cats that go outdoors, they might just not come home if any of the children are nasty to them.

Please don't let them stay.

HeadintheiClouds · 02/08/2019 17:56

Do you live in a particularly touristy area, op? It’s utterly bizarre for anyone to suggest staying in your home while you’re not in it, and you’ll have three separate families doing it simultaneously?
Have you asked them why??

DeRigueurMortis · 02/08/2019 17:56

I'd be on the phone to a cattery tbh.

There is no way saving the cost is worth this shit (and I'd have done it after the first CF request not just the second).

Your home isn't a holiday let FFS.

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