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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family asking to stay in our home when we are away.

437 replies

LoveGigi · 02/08/2019 17:13

Okay please give me it straight!

AIBU

We are heading off on holiday for 2 weeks on Tuesday and my in laws have kindly agreed to house sit and look after our 2 indoor cats.

About 3 weeks ago one of my SILs messaged me asking if we would mind her, DH and DS could also come to stay whilst we are away. In said msg she also asked if we would like them to come down immediately prior to us leaving so we could all spend some quality time together. This I felt was disingenuous as she hasn’t visited us for 5 years and I think the comment was shoved in there to mask the fact that she is using us.

I seethed for 2 days and replied saying that they could stay whilst we were away but we were too busy to see them before we left. I chose to fester bitterly instead of dealing with the guilt I would feel for saying no.

Then today the other SIL has asked to come and stay whilst we are away it would be her and her three DCs!! That is a total of 9 people staying whilst we are on holiday. I again feel used as they also have not bothered to come and visit in countless years!!

This wing of the family all live within 10 mins of each other and we are miles away in the capitol.

I feel totally resentful as I feel I can’t say no without suffering years of disdain!

I am a working mother of 3 DCs and the effort it takes to pack to get the family out the door for the holiday is enough without the stress of sorting out the house for 9 guests!!

I also am being mega precious about my new bedroom which I’ve only just moved into so I really don’t want anyone staying in my new bed!!!

Go on, am I being chuffing unreasonable??

OP posts:
Nomoremilk · 02/08/2019 17:35

I would actually go back and say actually only PIL to stay. Don't even give a reason. Sod that shit! Imagine coming home from holiday to mess, or something broken, just no!

AllFourOfThem · 02/08/2019 17:35

YANBU. I would find something to prevent anyone (MIL included) from needing to be in your home whilst you are away. I’d probably even go as far as bursting one of the pipes myself so I wasn’t lying!

Snowfalling · 02/08/2019 17:35

I really like the message Spring has suggested.

I can't believe people think this sort of thing is ok to ask of others.

It will be like a party everyday in your house while you're away, for TWO WEEKS!! It would give me anxiety and ruin my own holiday.

twolobsters · 02/08/2019 17:36

This would make me SO uncomfortable. I would say no and live with the consequences. They are in the wrong for putting you in this position!

Trendy1 · 02/08/2019 17:37

Good grief, no, no, no. How can you be bothered about risking their disdain when they have been practically NC for five years. They are right royally taking the p*. Just say no, don't even come up with an excuse. And, as I wouldn't trust the ILs further than I could spit, I would actually not let anyone stay. Say your cats are going to a cattery, which will be much better for them than 9 strangers, what if the cats got out? Wow, it doesn't fill me with relaxing happiness AT ALL.

TatianaLarina · 02/08/2019 17:38

They’re massively taking the piss.

Pare it right back to just your PIL as per the original plan. Say you ‘don’t want to be unfair to anyone’. And your cats can’t cope.

PeoniesarePink · 02/08/2019 17:38

Just be honest "I'm so exhausted and in dire need of a break - the thought of having to clean the house and prep for 9 guests is just way too much so it's a no this time, but we'd love to see you when we get back".

Inforthelonghaul · 02/08/2019 17:40

So a lovely jolly family holiday together excluding your family but using your house - no with bells on!!

CatInADoghouse · 02/08/2019 17:40

Hell no! YANBU! There's no way I would allow anyone to stay in my home. CFs are just using you. The cats can go into a cattery or hire someone to pop in. You'd be stressed on your entire holiday wondering what damage they're doing.

cuppycakey · 02/08/2019 17:41

There is absolutely no point in telling either SIL they cannot come as they will come anyway.

I would contact PIL and say a local friend has offered to cat sit so you won't need them and their entire fucking family to come.

Then pay anyone - friends teenager? to look after cats.

saraclara · 02/08/2019 17:41

No. Just say no. This is unfair on your cats, and the amount of work it would involve is ridiculous.

Also I would HATE the lack of privacy. They'll all be ferreting around in your drawers and cupboards.

gamerchick · 02/08/2019 17:41

If you feel unable to say no and more fool you then at least install a lock on your bedroom door. Those knobs that need a key are brilliant. Then nobody can go in there at all and you can lock a load of things away.

Then tell them your bedroom is out of bounds and they can sort themselves out.

Don't be a mug OP, you will not enjoy your holiday if you say yes.

Crochetymum · 02/08/2019 17:42

Have you got a really lovely house and pool? They're just using you, it sounds really cheeky, like they can't be arsed to spend time with you as a family but happy to use your house. Also 9 people in your house, the bills?? All that water and electricity, you're supposed to save that bit on your bill when you're away!! It's a big no from me, I really hate having anyone in my house anyway and only really trust my mum, she feeds my parrot as he would bite anyone else, checks the cat and dog goes to mother in law . They will be rifling through your drawers!!!

AtrociousCircumstance · 02/08/2019 17:42

Stand up for yourself OP. No one will do it for you.

biggles50 · 02/08/2019 17:43

Sometimes I think it's best to be honest and to do it in a way that won't be making you cringe for ever afterwards. Send a message to group b and c in laws. Hi, thanks for offers of help with the house and pets. Group A are staying as previously arranged. As you know you're welcome any time to visit, but I'm getting a bit stressed with the holiday arrangements, kids and getting house ready for group. Tbh it's too much for me organise in terms of getting house guest ready. But call up before we leave or when we come back, it'd be lovely to catch up. Xxx

sugarplumfairy28 · 02/08/2019 17:43

I would have said no to begin with, as you've pretty much set a bar now, can't say no to the second after having said yes to the first without it causing some issue.

You will either need to put your foot down and say no to both SILs but risk your PILs backing out, or you let them all stay.

dillusionaldog · 02/08/2019 17:43

i always find it really strange when people stay alone in other peoples houses when theyre away. It would give me major anxiety having someone here going through my things while im away.

my DS lives in a popular seaside resort and often offers her house to us all when shes going away. I always decline as it just feels odd but regularly go to stay when shes there.

sackrifice · 02/08/2019 17:43

CATTERY. Call them now!

SomeAfternoonDelight · 02/08/2019 17:44

OP I would say emergency work needs done put the cats in a cattery and don’t let any of them stay. It’ll cause a family nightmare if they leave the house a tip AND it WILL ruin your holiday

Jaxhog · 02/08/2019 17:44

Say no! This is beyond CF'ery. So they don't come and see you, but want to stay in your house while you're away. No way.

zippey · 02/08/2019 17:45

I would be fine with this, but it’s a personal thing and maybe you wouldn’t. It is a bit cheeky.

I’d also worry a bit about insurance - if you House was to burn down, burgled or whatever, would your insurance pay out knowing you let other people entry to live there at the time of the incident?

IsobelRae23 · 02/08/2019 17:45

Oh no your boiler has gone! Water had to be shut off. You’ll deal with it when you come back, unfortunately it means no visitors!

Put the cats in the kennels.

AngelasAshes · 02/08/2019 17:46

You need to pull the plug in this. It’s not too late to say no. I would.
If they treat you with disdain then just cut them out of your life- probably wouldn’t change anything for you as they never visit you anyway.

viques · 02/08/2019 17:46

Brilliant idea from saraclara to use the cats! Say you have decided it will be too stressful* for them to have so many strange people , I mean strangers, in the house so have re thought and are going to use a local cat sitting business to pop in and mind them.

  • which it actually would be.
IvanaPee · 02/08/2019 17:46

I’d hate the idea of someone in my house! So it’d be a hard pass for me.

What sort of house do you have?!

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