To start punishing toddler for pooing in his pants

[Tigerwhocamefortea]

DS is nearly 3. Been toilet trained for about 10 weeks and is very reliable with weeing and hasn’t had an accident since week 1. However he poos in his pants every day. We’ve had about 4 make it to the toilet in 10 weeks and that’s been when I’ve caught him doing it and whisked him off.

He will tell me straight afterwards that there is a poo in his pants and will smile and laugh about it. I’ve tried talking to him and nothing seems to be sinking in. I’ve no idea why he is doing it in his pants but it’s driving me mad!

AIBU to put consequences such as removing a toy if he poos in his pants? It’s a deliberate act, he knows he is pushing out the poo into his pants and I can usually catch him doing it as he goes quiet!

YANBU he needs to learn, you know what’s best for your son. Good luck my dear x

No, that would be horrid. It's pretty common. What incentive are you offering for poos in the toilet?

Incentives for getting it right. Not punishments for doing it wrong.

Don’t. I think it wouldn’t work, and could just cause more problems. Don’t make A fuss if he does it, just no reaction and no eye contact. If you think it’s attention seeking. .

Definitely don't 'punish' him. He's two - he doesn't realise that it's a major hassle for you and probably doesn't get enough internal 'warning' that he needs to poo.

No wee accidents since week 1 of potty training is great. Once he understands what the feeling of needing to poo is and can work out to go to the loo or potty, he's do it.

Reward for poos in the toilet/potty if you like, but definitely don't punish.

Most kids will struggle to disguise when they are pooing. Instead of punishing, try incentivising with a star chart or marble jar so that when weekly targets are reached, he gets to do something nice/exciting.

@Medievalist @Shmithecat2 the problem is he is never getting it right for poos so never gets the reward! I’ve tried offering rewards for pooing in the toilet but he hasn’t earned one in weeks.

I do feel very mean even considering it, but I don’t know how else to get him to stop doing it. It seems to have become a game to him as he is laughing and smiling about it.

WTF? Of course it would be unreasonable fgs. He's two years old and learning.

Forcible toilet-training seriously fucks kids up. Don't do it.

I wouldn't. Sounds like a little control game on his part. Make him feel empowered to want to do it.

Do not punish as it’ll go very wrong if you do.
Young children do drive you nuts but they do get it eventually

No, please no. My 2nd DC didn't even begin potty training till age 3. Your DS is still so young and only at the start of this process. Lots of praise when he's successful and lots of 'never minds' when he's not.

What punishment were you considering?

I wrapped up a gift for my son and put it high up on the windowsill in the toilet. I told him he could unwrap it and have what was inside when he did a poo on the toilet. That worked for us.

So you come up with a rough idea of when he might want to go and sit hi on the potty for a while and reward him for sitting. Then for trying. Then for succeeding etc etc

I would say he is toilet trained if he never poos on the toilet 🤦‍♀️

Don't punish,he is still so young!

Is there anypattern to when he poos that you can premptivly get him to the toilet so he can get a reward?
Are you watching for all the signs?

What the fuck ?

Reward the successes and grey rock the failures. No reaction at all if he poos his pants. Take the teward of your attention aeay from it.

This is Toddler 101. Jesus.

@stubbyboardman what do you recommend I do instead then? I don’t want to revert back to nappies as he is fully trained for weeing.

Today I made him lie down on the changing mat to clean him up which he hated as he said he wasn’t a baby. I’m hoping this might motivate him to use the toilet next time. I also threw away the soiled pants which he also got upset about as he wanted to keep them.

Don’t punish him, that’s horrible. I agree with a pp, rewards for getting it right and incentives for trying. Punishments for a two year old is awful.

He's 2 ffs and is probably laughing and smiling to try and appease you. He'll get there - don't punish him.

No. Be patient. This too will pass.

My son regressed like this a few times. I don't know why but doubt it's for shits and giggles.

Maybe put him in the toilet each morning after his breakfast and leave him there until he does his poo. Once a day should be normal at his age. Take all the guessing and control issues out of it.

I’d read ‘Oh Crap potty training’ it has loads of useful strategies. She covers this one though I can’t remember what the book says. Good luck!

Umm no you don’t punish him, that’s just bad parenting I’m sorry but it is.

His 3 a tiny child he absolutely will get there in the end. It takes some dc longer than others.

Try a reward chart
Keep asking if he needs a poo
Praise him when he does use the toilet for a poo

Two of my boys did this. Punishment absolutely set me back and it just didn’t work. Time. It just took time. Some kids just have anxiety around pooing and to this day, I don’t understand what it was all about. It stressed the hell out of me. It was tough when DC3 repeated the same behaviour. But I dealt with it much better. I think it really is just one of those things that resolves itself by the time they’re in nursery/reception. It’s just looong and tedious. Sympathy hugs, OP.
Brings back memories!

We did little presents eg small fireman Sam figures for poo in potty/ toilet. I wouldn’t punish him, he’ll get upset and start withholding which is awful.