To start punishing toddler for pooing in his pants

[Tigerwhocamefortea]

DS is nearly 3. Been toilet trained for about 10 weeks and is very reliable with weeing and hasn’t had an accident since week 1. However he poos in his pants every day. We’ve had about 4 make it to the toilet in 10 weeks and that’s been when I’ve caught him doing it and whisked him off.

He will tell me straight afterwards that there is a poo in his pants and will smile and laugh about it. I’ve tried talking to him and nothing seems to be sinking in. I’ve no idea why he is doing it in his pants but it’s driving me mad!

AIBU to put consequences such as removing a toy if he poos in his pants? It’s a deliberate act, he knows he is pushing out the poo into his pants and I can usually catch him doing it as he goes quiet!

DS is nearly 3. Been toilet trained for about 10 weeks and is very reliable with weeing and hasn’t had an accident since week 1. However he poos in his pants every day.

It goes on- believe me. Having a wee in the toilet/potty is really simple to kids. Having a poo there is really difficult for some. Pooing in pants is really, really common. Please don’t put them back/confuse them by doing the pull up thing if they are proud of being in pants and don’t tell them off for pooing in pants, it happens. It’s great they are dry and urinating in the toilet- focus on that.

We used to watch DC start with the facial expression then give enthusiastic encouragement to poop on the potty/toilet.....it was difficult. It ended up with us giving a (cheap) toy they liked every time they pooped on the potty/toilet. I remember wanting to slap a cleaner we encountered in the toilets once when we were out, they came in right after DC had pooped on the toilet and DC proudly declared “I just had a poop” and the awful cleaner said “I don’t need to know that” and DC was crestfallen.

Just focus on positive praise for whenever they go rather than punishment/humiliation when they don’t. Some take time.

I do have a friend who works in nursery and she often has kids age
3&1/2 she has to call parents for due to a ‘toilet issue’
But please don’t do this again to him, he hated it as he isn’t a baby, don’t make him feel like you are treating him like a baby again. So please don’t do this Today I made him lie down on the changing mat to clean him up which he hated as he said he wasn’t a baby. I’m hoping this might motivate him to use the toilet next time. that is just AWFUL and will set him back rather than motivate him.

Not read the full thread, because the pure and simple scientific fact is that children get dry when they get dry.

So if pooing is a big deal to you, OP, take off the pressure by putting him in pull ups, pajama pants, whatever.

I'm the laziest parent in the world - waited til son was dry to give up on pull ups/ pyjama pants. He was continent just as quickly as anyone else.

In this world where we have so much help, I'm like 'who is this helping?' when I see people hovering around in the name of 'potty training'.

Dd did the exact same thing. The cleanup is unpleasant and it was happening daily so it just got too much for everyone. We went back to pull ups and still encouraged her to use the toilet for wees. She mostly did but did also wee in the pullup at times. However, when we tried again a few months later, she went straight back to complete control of wee, we didn't lose any ground there. She got thr hang of the pops in the toilet second time around.

We just went back to pullups, a couple of weeks of no stress at all about toilet training except encouraging wees in toilet which she was keen to do anyway. After that we spent some time discussing about poos in the toilet and downloaded a story app 'poo goes to pooland' no real pressure for a few more weeks. Then when she
next started to ask for pants, we did the whole 'shop for big girl pants' again (had to anyway after all the first lot got shat on ) and did it with plenty of reassurance and a bit of bribery. She just got it. Hes pretty young and you might have to accept not quite emotionally ready yet even if physically. A lot can change in a couple of months.

The reason I put him in the changing mat to clean was because by the time I had got to clean him it was smeared all over him and therefore the easiest way to do it. It wasn’t to humiliate.

@wotsittoyou he has a 4 month old baby sister and so is very much comparing babies and big boys at the minute.

The concept of punishing a 2 year old for not managing toilet training is so wrong it makes me wonder how you could even think this is correct? What is your everyday relationship like with your son? If you think punishment for this is a realistic option you probably have something to work on and perhaps should seek more professional advice. I mean this is the gentlest possible way.

The reason children laugh and smile at you being cross at this age is not because they are being insolent or mocking you, it's because they have just enough empathy to know that one sure fire way to get you to laugh and smile is to laugh and smile at you. They do it when they don't know what else to do to make you happy. (Which is also why punishment is unlikely to help because they don't know what you want them to do instead). They don't have the capacity to be insolent yet.

@janj2301 , why would you humiliate a 6yr old by taking him out of doors to clean him?

Tell him babies poo in their pants
And big boys poo in the potty /toilet
That mighy motivate him considering he said he isnt baby haha.

But no. Dont punish him. But do encourage 😋

and two year olds can't do that well all the time and listen to their own bodies and signals.

OP don't listen to comments like this, my son was trained before he was 2, it is possible. It is the case the scientifically a small number of children do not produce the correct chemical to notify them they need a wee, but your son had nailed this, so we'll done him !!!! IMO this doesn't mean you should not try to allow your child the dignity of not sitting in their own mess.

Look at the positives that he is succeeding at getting his wees in, it's just finding the right encouragement and methods to help him get his poos in as well.

@janjan. That’s absolutely fucking terrible humiliating a child like that.

I feel v sad too for that little boy, jojo

@jan omg what were you thinking? Are his parents aware you did this to him?

He's 3 years old, lots of children aren't fully trained until they're 4 and some not reliably until nearer 5, so FGS dont "punish" him! Bloody ridiculous!

The next morning and I’m still raging at that woman.

OP I'm sure you know by now that punishing him would be a really bad idea!

I just wanted to add our DS had terrible trouble with poos from he was that age (and unfortunately for many years after) and we got great advice from a special clinic at our children's hospital.

Every day, 4 times a day, your DS should sit on the toilet for 5 minutes. Make sure he has a padded seat/insert and something to rest his feet on, so that he's comfortable. He should sit ideally after breakfast, lunch, dinner and just before bed. While sitting he can read a book, play a game, watch your phone anything at all to pass the time. There should be no pressure at all from you to 'perform' - he only has to sit there for 5 minutes, 4 times a day. Huge praise at the end of the 5 mins, regardless of the outcome (obviously even higher praise if he poos!) Honestly, this advice was the single biggest thing that made a difference and we saw results in less than a week. You have to be consistent though, it needs to be routine that you sit him for the 5 minutes at those set times each day. You might as well try it and see, it won't do any harm! Good luck, it's a trying time but he is still so little and this is very normal so please don't punish him.