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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

People who disappear and you wonder what happened to them...

212 replies

BobbolinaTheBitchyBrat · 01/08/2019 14:02

Anyone else have one of these?

About ten years ago, when I had my first, there were a lot more parenting forums, as opposed to just mumsnet and Facebook groups. I was on one which was quite attachment/natural parenting focused, and there was this one lady who was a bit of a guru to the rest of us. She had a gang of kids, homeschooled, ran a quite well read blog, and they were always off wild camping and that sort of thing. Very hippy/alternative. The forum had group meets, so we did in fact meet up as part of a group quite a few times, and she knitted my eldest a really lovely hat.

Then she disappeared. Posts wiped. Blog gone. Everyone deleted. Nobody knew what had happened. A year or two later there was a rumour her husband had left her, which was shocking as she'd often written about their marriage, all really positive stuff.

I've often googled and searched to see if there's any sign of her online, but there's absolutely nothing. Zilch. Like she never existed. Yet she was all over the online parenting circle at one point, she blogged nearly every day.

Not sure what I'm getting at... Just that it's strange really, how people can just drop out of view, even these days!

OP posts:
itstimeforslime · 01/08/2019 14:05

Weird!

I wonder how you could find her Grin

boymum9 · 01/08/2019 14:30

I wonder this and also wonder from the point of view of others, about 4/5 years ago I decided to get rid of everything I had on social media, if you google me now nothing comes up, I only have this Mumsnet account and it's not got my name on it anywhere, I sometimes wonder if old school/uni friends etc think I just dropped off the planet! Grin I had no reason other than I didn't want my children on social media and thought the best thing, as well as not wasting time, would be to get rid of everything!

Spidey66 · 01/08/2019 14:48

A cousin of mine disappeared off the face of the earth after his mum died. We've got a large extended family and no aunts, uncles, cousins etc know where he is. He has a sister in Australia, I'm not sure if she know where he is ( I lost touch with her years ago but others are in contact.)

He was a lovely, lovely guy who lived with his mum till she died-she was in poor health and he cared for her beautifully, to the point he went into nurse training on the strength of it. I'm a nurse and I think he would have been good at it as he was funny and charming and the sort of bloke who would put you at ease. However for one reason and another he didn't finish the course.

However I do also know he was a massive gambler, which he picked up from his dad as a child. I remember going round there as a child and my cousin and uncle would be reading the Racing Post together and my cousin would give his dad his pocket money to go to the bookies with. My aunt (my dad's sister) and uncle broke up because of it, i think his dad went back to Ireland where he was from (and his mum/my dad....we're Londoners) .

I have a nasty feeling he raked up a load of gambling debts which lead to his downfall. I know he got sacked from a job he had in a bank for stealing. I'd love to know where and how he is.

spashy · 01/08/2019 16:39

I can only explain from my experience. Is when you are going through a tramatic time. Even if they don't publically acknowledge it. I used to be an oversharer on social media. And I went through something and overnight I changed. I didn't want anyone to know my business. I don't want anyone to comment on my Life. It was a victory that I even got out of bed. I also didn't want to explain anymore to anybody.

ShirleyPhallus · 01/08/2019 16:41

There are a few posters from MN I wonder what happened to them

I guess name changed but I haven’t seen them around much

The one that was Shabba then eat shit derek - is she around still?

sundaymorningblues · 01/08/2019 16:55

I lost touch with a close friend from school but I always knew she was still out there because she was a "big name" fanfiction writer in a specific online fandom. Not my scene but she had an unhappy childhood and it gave her a lot of pleasure. However, at some point she just purged her journal and disappeared from her online community too. I occasionally see comments from people in that fandom wondering what happened to her and why she decided to disappear. She would have been violently opposed to other forms of social media so I know I'll never find her on Facebook or Twitter.

Elliebellbell · 01/08/2019 16:59

I can't remember why but Derek asked for all her posts to be withdrawn.

bottleofbeer · 01/08/2019 18:11

Sort of. Met a woman year and years ago through another forum. We became Facebook friends almost from day one of Facebook. We spoke pretty much every day. I could pretty much guarantee if I posted anything she'd like it or comment. This was for years. Then one day she was gone, I assumed she'd deactivated for a bit as I couldn't find her in searches. Until weeks later I realised there were gaps in mutual friends conversations and it was her.

She'd blocked me. I asked said mutual friend to ask her if I'd offended or upset her but she never replied. To this day it bugs me. Jus the day before we'd chatted as normal with no hint anything was wrong.

I'd never done anything like slag her off behind her back and it got back to her. I still see her pop up on memories pretty much every day until she blocked me. I'd just like to know what I'm supposed to have done!

Nautiloid · 01/08/2019 18:17

One of my best friends from university. We were on holiday in Cornwall together, had an argument, both said unpleasant things, went our separate ways there and then.
I did try to get back in touch by phone and email afterwards, and apologised. It had all been very silly. I expected an apology back and things to go back to normal.
Never heard from her again. I often think of her. As far as I know she's not on social media, but if she's married and changed her name that could be part of it too.
I still miss her.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 01/08/2019 18:21

Elliebellbell I think Derek was outed and it caused shit in RL so got everything wiped. If it's the same poster I'm thinking of, definitely had Derek in the username.

wideawakeat3am · 01/08/2019 21:26

There's a couple of people from school and I have no idea what happened to them. We were in the same friendship groups, not very close though, and didn't stay in touch when we finished school. But I still think about them every now and then and wonder what happened. Have tried searching on Facebook and googling names but can't find them. Hope they are happy.
And a couple of people from university days. Don't know their last names so no way of finding them.

ImTakingTheEssence · 01/08/2019 21:38

Yes a girl I went to school with about 15 years ago. She used to work in a chemist and so did her mum. I last seen her when I had my dd but nothing checked facebook etc as her name isn't very common. Found nothing not even her family.

JammyMe · 01/08/2019 21:40

There was a poster on MN- Oddsockshighheels (I think?) she was very troubled, homeless too, and I do wonder if she is ok

MarieFromStTropez · 01/08/2019 21:44

I used to post on Handbag. It was brilliant! I still miss all the people from there 😢.

PeoniesarePink · 01/08/2019 21:49

There was a poster on here who got out of a horribly abusive relationship, escaped to her Mum's while heavily pregnant with No 3 and in her last thread she just got so so run down and defeated by all the games he was playing in court with her. Her last post was just saying she didn't know if she could come back to the thread and say more. I have the saddest feeling she went back rather than letting him unsupervised access to the children (very understandably) and I really wish she'd post again because if that is what happened, she needs more support than ever. I often think of her and the children.

Plar · 01/08/2019 21:54

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Weskit · 01/08/2019 22:05

I suspect I’m like that person you describe, @sundaymorningblues. I was a big name fan in a huge fandom at a rather difficult period in my life. I realised it was stopping me from dealing with things in real life, and channeling my abilities away from what I really wanted to be doing, so I just left abruptly. The stories are still up and still attract comments and people wondering about what happened to me.

I now write novels and wonder whether anyone will ever notice similarities between one of my main fanfic characters and a major character in one of my novels.

lavenderbluedilly · 01/08/2019 22:09

I remember a poster on here who was going through a lot of trauma in terms of her young son being possibly sexually abused by his father during contact weekends. At one stage people were trying to raise money for her legal costs. I often wonder about her and hope things worked out

FenellaVelour · 01/08/2019 22:21

I used to post on Handbag. It was brilliant! I still miss all the people from there 😢.

Me too, back in the day! Then it went a bit weird with some in-fighting about pick up artists, and there was an offshoot forum for a while but I didn’t get on with the way it was formatted so I kind of fell off the radar. Used to be an admin on the wedding baggers Facebook group 😂

FenellaVelour · 01/08/2019 22:21

Oh and yes, I still think about quite a few of the posters and wonder where they are now.

hashtagthathappened · 01/08/2019 22:22

I think some of the ones mentioned above were trolls?

wheresmymojo · 01/08/2019 22:46

I thought Eat Shit Derek died unexpectedly but now I'm wondering if I've confused her with someone else?

hashtagthathappened · 01/08/2019 22:49

Catthiefkeith

MinecraftMother · 01/08/2019 22:49

Didn't Keith die? 😥

wheresmymojo · 01/08/2019 22:49

Shit....yes. I just went through WoolyHugs and I was mixing up ESD with CatThiefKeith Sad

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