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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

People who disappear and you wonder what happened to them...

212 replies

BobbolinaTheBitchyBrat · 01/08/2019 14:02

Anyone else have one of these?

About ten years ago, when I had my first, there were a lot more parenting forums, as opposed to just mumsnet and Facebook groups. I was on one which was quite attachment/natural parenting focused, and there was this one lady who was a bit of a guru to the rest of us. She had a gang of kids, homeschooled, ran a quite well read blog, and they were always off wild camping and that sort of thing. Very hippy/alternative. The forum had group meets, so we did in fact meet up as part of a group quite a few times, and she knitted my eldest a really lovely hat.

Then she disappeared. Posts wiped. Blog gone. Everyone deleted. Nobody knew what had happened. A year or two later there was a rumour her husband had left her, which was shocking as she'd often written about their marriage, all really positive stuff.

I've often googled and searched to see if there's any sign of her online, but there's absolutely nothing. Zilch. Like she never existed. Yet she was all over the online parenting circle at one point, she blogged nearly every day.

Not sure what I'm getting at... Just that it's strange really, how people can just drop out of view, even these days!

OP posts:
bealright · 05/08/2019 14:32

@KitNCaboodle

People from there occasionally pop up on my 'people you might know' thing on Facebook. AWF was fun, at the time Smile

bealright · 05/08/2019 14:33

@londonrach Yes, Jennywren. Her last posts were heartbreaking. I often mention her on these kind of threads in the hope that she might have had a happy ending Sad

FrederickAlgernonTrotteville · 05/08/2019 14:34

I think Little Jenny Wren died Sad

bealright · 05/08/2019 14:37

Oh bless her.

WonderTweek · 05/08/2019 14:38

My friend used to run a popular fashion blog and then stopped all of a sudden some years ago. She still gets loads of emails and comments in her old blog about how she disappeared etc., but she told me that she just lost interest in the blog and she got a new job and has less time to do write. She also met a new man and wanted to spend time with him instead of blogging (they're now married Smile), so in her case the disappearance wasn't because of anything sinister.

I often think about Allie Brosh too. I discovered Hyperbole when my then boyfriend (now husband) was really ill and in hospital and we used to send eachother pictures of Alots on WhatsApp and have a little giggle. I hope she's ok.

Alpacathebag · 05/08/2019 14:43

@bealright and @KitNCaboodle no not AWF. The initials of the forum I was on were DW.

Kaykay06 · 05/08/2019 14:46

I had a friend who I used to go to camp with (dyslexia summer camps at this historical hotel place in York) who I used to write to/phone regularly and I’d not heard from her for a while but not really realised but then her mum called my mum and she’d sadly died in a car accident in France along with her dad.

Another friend from a different summer school as a teen who I wrote to never got a reply and doesn’t exist on sm

My dp changed his name once he left school due to issues with his dad/bullying. Isn’t on sm so you’d not find him even if you knew his new name so chances are people do the same so if they don’t want people to find them they won’t....

H2OH20Everywhere · 05/08/2019 14:55

I used to do voluntary work when I was a teenager, and spent most of the time working with one older guy who I became good friends with. He'd sometimes bring his daughter along, and I got on really well with her, but had not contact with her other than when I saw her with her dad.

I kept in touch with him to some extent when I went to university, but it got to the point I'd not heard from him for a couple of years. I randomly bumped into one of his old work colleague, who told me he'd committed suicide the year previous, and his ex-wife and girls had move to Australia.

I'd love to know how the one I knew is, and let her know I often think about her. I did find her sister on FB a while back but I fear it would be too strange to get in touch.

Mrsfrumble · 05/08/2019 15:02

I used to post a lot on the Bust Lounge forum between 2003 and 2012. It got quieter and quieter then just seemed to die. I often wonder what happened to some of the regular posters and if any of the other UK-based ones ended up on here.

On the subject of disappearing MNers, I thought about Riven the other day and wondered how she and her family were getting on.

Cracklycaramel · 05/08/2019 15:32

I often looked for my friend from Guides as I really wanted to get in touch again. I met someone who went to school with her and asked for contact details. She'd died in her sleep while on holiday in Wales.

RitaMills · 05/08/2019 17:34

I used to post on the Trouble (old TV channel) forum from about 1999-2003 and often wonder what happened to everybody. Internet wasn’t as massive is it is now so everyone knew each other and we had this whole English/Scottish rivalry thing going, it was all in jest and we had some good times. Met a few of them as well. Would love to know what they are up to now as we were mostly young teenagers, the forum closed and l lost contact with everyone.

MingeOnFire · 05/08/2019 18:39

@Lockheart

You don't mean the infamous Joanne from digital spy do you??

Indie139 · 05/08/2019 23:08

My mums uncle disappeared when she was about 11. He left to go abroad and no one heard from him again. There were rumours he had changed his last name and over the years there were a few times where there was word that people had seen him or heard about him meaning he was Ok..just for some reason hiding from the family. Its like he started a whole new life and left everyone behind, didnt want to contact anyone. My mum was really close to him growing up and has desperately tried to find him but hasnt been able to which has been upsetting for her. Someone claims to have seen him a few years ago (he disappeared almost 50 years ago) but presently no idea if hes still alive. I guess people have their reasons for disappearing...its sad though when you have people desperate to see/speak to you

Tryingnottobesociallyawkward · 06/08/2019 00:04

I helped with a private wedding forum about 10 years ago. I stopped posting (and I posted quite a bit) as I suffered from depression after the death of several family members especially my sister. I often think about the posters on there and wonder how they are doing.

spiralflower · 06/08/2019 07:05

A few posters from handbag like PuddyTat.

I moved onto Damsels which was great until that sadly came to an end too. I wonder what happened to posters such as ChelseaHarvey and a few of the ladies from from my antenatal group on there.

Also I used to read the Lush forum years ago. I wonder what happened to a poster who was obsessed with Boots points. Her name was Queen0001 or similar.

Lockheart · 06/08/2019 07:13

@MingeOnFire that would be the one! She became very well known on lots of forums I think.

OtraCosaMariposa · 06/08/2019 07:50

I know a couple of people in RL who have no social media or online search presence, don't use their names in their email addresses, sign up for things with their initials or fake names

I know people who do this too. It's because of their jobs. One is a police officer who does a lot of intelligence stuff with organised crime and gangs. The other is a senior social worker. Neither want to be traceable in any way by the people they come into contact with through their working life.

dentydown · 06/08/2019 08:06

My dad used to chat with his old hair dresser. They were pals from a long time ago, and recalled lots of things, like how he cut my uncles Boston haircut at a 45 degree angle after too many beers on Xmas eve!
Last time he spoke, he was going into hospital for a hip operation. All positive and looking forward to not limping any more.

My dad rang him a few weeks later to see how he was doing. Nothing. A few months the home phone was disconnected, even more months the mobile went dead.

My dad was worrying what happened. I looked up wills and found someone who was matching the description. (I did some detective work in free bmd). Then I got a copy of the death certificate. It looked like this chap caught pneumonia in hospital and died! He had no family, so left everything to his friend. I remember a conversation he had about “why should the government get my money”!

SuperPixie247 · 06/08/2019 08:19

I remember VoldemortsNipple She posted on the Xmas threads then one day posted she was going to be a Grandparent and I don't remember seeing her much after that.

MyForbiddenLover · 06/08/2019 08:57

I used to post on ivillage years ago and often wonder what happened to some of the most prolific posters.

MyForbiddenLover · 06/08/2019 08:57

I used to post on ivillage years ago and often wonder what happened to some of the most prolific posters.

MyForbiddenLover · 06/08/2019 08:57

I used to post on ivillage years ago and often wonder what happened to some of the most prolific posters.

rainbowstardrops · 06/08/2019 09:39

@InTheHeatOfLisbon I am so pleased to hear that Oddsockshighheels is doing well! I often think of her and hoped she'd get the break that she needed.

Passthewinebottle · 06/08/2019 10:27

@spiralflower Are you on FB? We have a Damsels group with 250 members in it, incl ChelseaHarvey!

Tryingnottobesociallyawkward · 06/08/2019 11:34

AWF was the initials of the wedding board we set up!

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