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AIBU?

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Original poster

People who disappear and you wonder what happened to them...

212 replies

BobbolinaTheBitchyBrat · 01/08/2019 14:02

Anyone else have one of these?

About ten years ago, when I had my first, there were a lot more parenting forums, as opposed to just mumsnet and Facebook groups. I was on one which was quite attachment/natural parenting focused, and there was this one lady who was a bit of a guru to the rest of us. She had a gang of kids, homeschooled, ran a quite well read blog, and they were always off wild camping and that sort of thing. Very hippy/alternative. The forum had group meets, so we did in fact meet up as part of a group quite a few times, and she knitted my eldest a really lovely hat.

Then she disappeared. Posts wiped. Blog gone. Everyone deleted. Nobody knew what had happened. A year or two later there was a rumour her husband had left her, which was shocking as she'd often written about their marriage, all really positive stuff.

I've often googled and searched to see if there's any sign of her online, but there's absolutely nothing. Zilch. Like she never existed. Yet she was all over the online parenting circle at one point, she blogged nearly every day.

Not sure what I'm getting at... Just that it's strange really, how people can just drop out of view, even these days!

OP posts:
OhMsBeliever · 06/08/2019 12:00

I used to go on another parenting forum years and years ago, and use their chat room. There was always a group of us in there every night, so I got to know some of them really well. One lady was local to me so we arranged to meet up with our kids at a local park. Seemed to go really well, we chatted, had stuff in common etc.

And she never came back to the chat or the forum ever again after we'd met.

It was really weird and I often wonder if it was something I'd done or said, though I can't think of anything really scandalous. I don't think I'm that awful.Blush

This was before Facebook, but she is on there now and still local. I guess I still think about it because it seemed kind of personal! I've met with lots of other people from online and none of them have disappeared after so I'm pretty sure I'm kind of ok!

ThePankhurstConnection · 06/08/2019 14:10

Handbag was great! A lot of people migrated to The Mock Turtle and a private forum called the Lounge, don't know if that's still going.

Ex Handbag here too. A lot of the new mummy lot decamped to Damsels (I did) and then forums have now spawned a few private FB groups as members stayed in touch.

Have to say I have met some incredible women because of forums who I am still in touch with and I'm glad I used them and have these women in my life.

ThePankhurstConnection · 06/08/2019 14:12

*used the forums not the women. ^^

I really shouldn't type fast and post fast on here with no ability to edit.

MadisonAvenue · 06/08/2019 14:30

I often wonder about my two best friends from school. The one was responsible for me getting together with my now husband at her 16th birthday party as he was a neighbour of her’s. We went our separate ways after leaving school and met by chance a couple of years later and went to a pub with her and her boyfriend and had a great time. Haven’t seen her since and there’s no trace of her whatsoever on social media.

I kept in touch with the other one when she went to university, by letter as this was the late 80s. We lost touch but she added herself to Friends Reunited some years later so I sent her a message on there and all I got back in return was a single sentence saying “I’m working in London”. The only trace I’ve found of her online since then is a link to her PhD dissertation from the early 90s.

SteeperThanHell · 06/08/2019 19:22

@MyForbiddenLover me to!

SnappedandFartedagain · 06/08/2019 19:35

I thought it was widely known that Derek was a troll and fantasist, and none of it was true? She was quite convincing though.

Elliebellbell · 06/08/2019 19:41

Pretty sure Derek wasn't a troll.

EmeraldShamrock · 06/08/2019 22:25

I thought it was widely known that Derek was a troll and fantasist, and none of it was true?
No I never felt it, Derek was more of a poster than the OP.
Funny whitty very honest, gave no fancy ideas, I think you're mistaken.

spiralflower · 06/08/2019 22:47

@Passthewinebottle I am but I had no idea about the group, no wonder it went so quiet! Is it too late to join?! She was very funny!

spiralflower · 06/08/2019 22:57

(I should add that I didn’t mix forums/ facebook back then so maybe I just didn’t pay attention as I had no idea the forum would actually die :( )

winepls · 07/08/2019 07:33

@spiralflower Not too late at all! Drop me a dm xx

SunshineySu · 07/08/2019 08:09

I think as social media and digital.life has evolved some people realise they have over shared more than what they are comfortable with.
I think we were all.alot more naive about our digital footprint and isentifying ourselves 10 years ago.
I Think people woke up to it and plain and simply decided to just stop sharing so much or the importance of not everything being easily linked to back to themselves.

MulticolourMophead · 07/08/2019 08:30

Derek wasn't a troll. I think they'd been ID'd in RL.

Micah · 07/08/2019 08:35

I was on handbag and damsels.

I am on the hidden fb group but that hasn’t been posted on since 2016. Always nice to find out there’s an active group for a community you thought you were a part of that you weren’t invited to Hmm

I was on mock turtle for a while but found that very cliquey, quite a lot of nastiness to new posters and those not in the “in” crowd. Here at least it doesn’t pretend to be friendly, it’s a 50:50 chance whether you get a supportive response or a flaming Grin, whoever you are!

Chouxalacreme · 08/08/2019 00:19

Hi damsel
Ah mock turtle yes that was it
Couldn’t be arsed with it after the fall out
Do you remember ashok ?

Passthewinebottle · 08/08/2019 09:42

@micah - Are you friends with any Damsels on FB? I would love to add you to the group. In fact I'm sure we met at the first Damsels party... Can you DM me? xx

Passthewinebottle · 08/08/2019 09:46

@ThePankhurstConnection Same as above goes for you too! x

CoolcoolcoolcoolcoolNoDoubt · 08/08/2019 10:29

I followed a great guy on instagram called victorian_vibe - his account followed the renovation of his home and he had the best taste in decor and always shared DIY videos that were really helpful. He disappeared once for a short while and came back saying he struggled finding things to post every day and opening up to his followers about his daily life was having an impact on his mental health.. he stayed for a short time then deleted his account.

I miss his account and really hope he's okay :(

zeezee3 · 08/08/2019 12:32

I have a cousin (born same birth year as me,) who disappeared off the face of the earth about 5 or 6 years ago. She used to come visit me and the kids, at least twice a month. She used to buy them gifts and cards for Christmas and birthdays, she used to visit my mother (who lives 3 miles from me,) and buy her gifts and cards too. And she used to visit a few more aunts, uncles, and cousins too occasionally. several of them she visited almost as regularly as me. (Also bought them gifts and cards.)

Her parents (my aunt and uncle) died around 8 years ago, 3 months apart, and as she has no siblings, she was left without any immediate family, apart from us cousins, and aunts and uncles ... (Though she does have 2 kids and a hubby.)

She always used to come around before her parents died, and still came around after too. She spoiled my kids at Christmas, and took them to the park and zoo and all sorts (with her kids too.) She took our other cousins kids out too. (Not all together! But on different outings.)

Then - about 2 and a half years after her folks died, (as I said, about 5-6 years back,) we stopped hearing from her. No calls, no texts, no cards or gifts for my kids for their birthdays, nothing. My folks, and cousins, and the rest of the extended family said they have not heard from her either.

I did text her, (about 3-4 months after hearing nothing,) and the message came back as not sent. It bounced back. She didn't have a facebook account, and we couldn't find her on twitter... she was like a ghost. Rang her workplace. She had left 6 months back. Just resigned after 11 years there. Her DH was self employed. So no employer to check there!

So, about 5 months after hearing nothing, DH drove past her house, and saw people he didn't recognise (on the driveway.) He asked where she was, and they said they have no idea, and that they had never met the owners of the house and they moved in 2 months back. So she had sold up and gone!

Tried to find her 2 kids (they left school about a year before the mystery disappearance, (but came up with nothing there too.)

Never seen her, or heard from her since. OR her DH or kids. Still no sign of ANY them on social media. They may be on there, but are well hidden, or under a pseudonym. (So if the name was Jocelyn Davies, it would be Jossie-D.)

So bizarre. No idea why she (and her whole family) just vanished. I know she lost her parents (only 3 months apart,) whilst only in her late 30s, but surely if it was the trauma of that, (that made her want to hide away,) she would have vanished soon after that, and not 2 and a half years later.

PantsyMcPantsface · 08/08/2019 12:38

I was on Handbag and then on The Cuban Lounge (where a lot of the Space Cowboy type crowd went). Gradually drifted away when it got a bit cliquey for my liking.

IHaveBrilloHair · 08/08/2019 12:41

Derek is not a troll, everything she said is true.
She's alive and well, and funny as ever on social media.

TinyMystery · 08/08/2019 13:08

My DH is one of those people that people wonder about. He moved a couple of hundred miles from home after uni and then a couple of years later deleted all social media. His parents sometimes bump into old school friends of his and they are always concerned about his whereabouts!

ReeReeR · 08/08/2019 13:34

I’m not sure this is exactly the same but something I thought of posting a thread about. I have a friend fI’ve known for about 15 years. She lived in a different city to me in the UK so we didn’t speak much but talked a lot on the phone. A couple of years ago she told me she was moving to the US bit couldn’t say when. She then disappeared a few months later. I couldn’t get though to her on her number or find her on Facebook. Then maybe a year later she called and was all “Hi Ree, how are you doing? It’s been ages!” She said she’d lost my number and couldn’t think how to get in touch. I was on Facebook so she could have found me there. Anyway we were talking for a couple of months and then she disappeared again around March this year. I miss her but not sure I can take her disappearing for months on end without a word.

ReeReeR · 08/08/2019 13:35

Many of you remember certain people by the usernames. Is it “the norm” to keep the same username for years and just be vague about things so you’re not outing or do more people change their usernames periodically? Or maybe just change them when they are doing a particularly detailed post? Sorry to go off track.

HitchhikersSnide · 08/08/2019 13:37

I followed a woman on IG who was very well known in the crochet community - sfmgs is her screen name (set free my gypsy soul), I think her real name is Miki something and she lives in/near Brighton iirc. She was very active online but suddenly disappeared about 2 years ago and I often wonder why and hope she's ok.