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AIBU?

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Original poster

People who disappear and you wonder what happened to them...

212 replies

BobbolinaTheBitchyBrat · 01/08/2019 14:02

Anyone else have one of these?

About ten years ago, when I had my first, there were a lot more parenting forums, as opposed to just mumsnet and Facebook groups. I was on one which was quite attachment/natural parenting focused, and there was this one lady who was a bit of a guru to the rest of us. She had a gang of kids, homeschooled, ran a quite well read blog, and they were always off wild camping and that sort of thing. Very hippy/alternative. The forum had group meets, so we did in fact meet up as part of a group quite a few times, and she knitted my eldest a really lovely hat.

Then she disappeared. Posts wiped. Blog gone. Everyone deleted. Nobody knew what had happened. A year or two later there was a rumour her husband had left her, which was shocking as she'd often written about their marriage, all really positive stuff.

I've often googled and searched to see if there's any sign of her online, but there's absolutely nothing. Zilch. Like she never existed. Yet she was all over the online parenting circle at one point, she blogged nearly every day.

Not sure what I'm getting at... Just that it's strange really, how people can just drop out of view, even these days!

OP posts:
Howdoyousleep · 02/08/2019 09:21

I can’t find any trace of an ex of mine from my 20s (5 year relationship.) The only conclusion I have come to is that he died some time ago.

Oilyskinproblems · 02/08/2019 09:21

At school I was friends with a girl who left in the middle of class one day and never came back. It was just before social media kicked off but I did search for her a few years later and she’s never popped up. None of our mutual friends have heard from her either. We quizzed our tutor on where she’d gone and he said they’d received a letter from her saying she was dropping out to go to college but I found this odd as we spoke every day and she never mentioned it. She didn’t respond to texts/calls and I didn’t know her address. She was from a very strict family and had a boyfriend that she always worried about her family finding out about. She said if her dad found out he’d probably take her back to where they came from, marry her off and leave her there.

Me and my friends occasionally bring her up when we get together and wonder what happened. This was over 15 years ago now.

StealthPolarBear · 02/08/2019 09:59

Impractical Cape can't you ask hr sisters to put you in touch?

StealthPolarBear · 02/08/2019 10:03

Howdouou sleep there are loads of people from that long ago with no online presence

EmeraldShamrock · 02/08/2019 10:05

eat shit derek - is she around still?
Believe or not I often think of eatshitderek, I wonder where she went, I enjoyed her posts she was funny honest and always herself.
Earshitderek was young, not that young people don't die, she worked in retail and had a DD if I remember correctly.
I think we need to make a pack in the event of sudden death, leave a message for someone log on to let us know. Sad

JacquesHammer · 02/08/2019 10:08

BobbolinaTheBitchyBrat

I’m wondering if we’re thinking of the same person?! I was randomly thinking about her the other day and wondering what happened to her.

ShirleyPhallus · 02/08/2019 10:29

Eatshitderek died?! Oh my god, when?

EmeraldShamrock · 02/08/2019 10:39

@ShirleyPhallus No hopefully not. A pp thought it might be a possibility.

EmeraldShamrock · 02/08/2019 10:42

The only conclusion I have come to is that he died some time ago
Not necessarily. I often joke I am dead to the social media world, I left it 4 years ago, if you searched you might possibly find something from a decade ago.

Enclume · 02/08/2019 10:44

I miss Derek. She was entertaining.

Very sad to hear about CatThiefKeith.

I often wonder about whenwillifeelnormal, who was so kind and supportive in Relationships to women who wanted to try to work through their partners' infidelities, as she had. I hope she's all right and I hope her own H never let her down again.

So many names, actually.

stayathomer · 02/08/2019 10:50

Impracticalcape Could you contact her sisters?

ImpracticalCape · 02/08/2019 11:20

@stayathomer I could but they were very small when I knew her and I'm not sure they'd remember me. She's gone anonymous for a reason and I feel o need to respect that. Ive got the same contact numbers, emails as I had when I knew her. I'm easily findable on social media so if she wanted to be in touch then she could.

CanoeDoYouThinkYouAre · 02/08/2019 11:41

I used to read a blog about an internet scammer which was endlessly fascinating. The blogger put so much research into it and then it suddenly disappeared.

Another person originally said they’d take over but didn’t so I never found out what happened to the scammer in the end.

If anyone knows what happened to the Truth about Ruth blog that focused on the scams of Razing Ruth please let me know!

SushiTime · 02/08/2019 11:50

My best friend at school ghosted me and everyone from school.

She was my very best friend, we did everything together apart from drugs(6th form). She's started taking coke at school Hmm so I just kept out of it. Next thing I knew the head of 6th form wanted to speak to me and my parents, shed ovs been caught and pinned the entire thing on me. I had an older bf so she said he was her dealer etc etc. All lies and school were very nice about it because they could see I had no involvement.

Then she never came back to school and must have blocked my numbers, deleted social media etc. Haven't seen her since, that was about 12y ago.

To this day I'd love to bump into her...some best friend!

Franklymydearidontgiveaham · 02/08/2019 13:07

Oily skin....I think you may have answered your own question. It's not as uncommon as you think.

MissDew · 02/08/2019 13:32

I can’t find any trace of an ex of mine from my 20s (5 year relationship.) The only conclusion I have come to is that he died some time ago.

Have you used FreeBMD to eliminate whether your ex has died ?

I attempted to get in touch with an old school friend last year. It was my second attempt that got a response. They gave me short shrift and said do not contact me or attempt to contact me again.

Ok, precious. (I'm in the same boat with everyone else who has regretted their encounter with them.)

All I'm trying to advise, is, the person you are trying to contact, however honest and well intentioned your search, might not have the same positive sentiment that the searcher has. You might get a reminder of their negative traits for your trouble.

I could be macabre and pay for a copy of their parents' death certificate which would detail their home address when they died and the address of the informant. The death of the surviving parent would probably have my old friend's details, as the informant. But, like I say, it's macabre and I have been asked not to contact or attempt to contact my old friend.

So, up yours works both ways sweet heart.

Oilyskinproblems · 02/08/2019 13:47

Frankly - yes I’ve always thought that was a possibility but it’s frustrating not knowing even if that does seem pretty likely

yesthatstheone · 02/08/2019 13:48

I love how someone is assumed dead if you can't find them on Social media! Sad times!!

CamdenLoaf · 02/08/2019 13:55

I love how someone is assumed dead if you can't find them on Social media! Sad times!!

Yes, I find that a bit mad. I don't use Fb, Twitter etc, I haven't lived in my home country since my university days, and my only online presence is a professional webpage and publications, but as I have a common first and surname, and I don't have a photo on my professional webpage, there's no way of know whether I was the CamdenLoaf you went to school with or one of the many others you will get if you Google.

I certainly don't see grounds for anyone assuming I'm dead on that basis, though. A lot of people I know don't use social media at all, or use it only in the most tokenistic ways -- I have a novelist friend who updates a blog (that her editor was desperate for her to have) twice a year, for instance.

stayathomer · 02/08/2019 14:15

ImpracticalcapeFlowers

Howdoyousleep · 02/08/2019 14:23

I did have other reasons to suspect he might have died btw!

As it happens another ex I contacted after I divorced was not on social media so I wrote to his last known address, just a how are you catch up letter, and he didn’t respond. Fair enough. I thought he might have moved. A year or so later his family contacted me to say he was seriously ill and in a care home. They were clearing out his house and came across my letter. He has sadly since died.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 02/08/2019 14:34

This thread is like a game of Chinese whispers
EatShit isn't dead that was Cat thief Kieth

Loftyswops988 · 02/08/2019 18:36

a girl joined our primary school class when we were around 11 and no one really knew where she came from because she was vague about her past. a few of us became friends with her and we'd go to her house in between playing out etc and she did have quite a dysfunctional home life (she was fairly verbally abusive to her mum and stepdad and they never told her off). She started hanging around with much older kids in the area and was found drunk on the street one day, and the next day she disappeared and never came back to school again. We went to her house and looked in the gap between the curtains and through the letterbox and from what we could see everything was gone. No one ever heard from her again and we were never able to find her on social media. We only knew her for a year but it definitely sticks and i think about her a lot for some reason!

BlackCatSleeping · 02/08/2019 18:51

I think it’s the nature of social media. It’s so easy to take the hump one day and just delete everyone.

I was Facebook friends with a woman who left her abusive husband and moved back to her home town. She deleted a lot of people at that time. I think it was just all a bit too much for her to deal with. I’ve heard she’s doing well though.

Winderwoman · 02/08/2019 19:12

I was thinking of a lady from here just a couple of weeks ago.

A few years ago there was a long running ‘child modelling’ thread. It all fell apart after a strange lady joined - I’m pretty sure either her or her daughter was called Cecelia. I don’t think her daughter actually had any modelling work, possibly also had a son.
The woman arranged a photo shoot which some people went along too (some of us already felt uncomfortable with her at this point!). The woman said the shoot was going to be at a lovely location house, great photographer who was building up her portfolio so was working for free and giving the models the photos for free. Those who went said the house was basically abandoned, filthy and the garden was overgrown. The photographer was pissed off as it wasn’t what she had expected and the parents were not happy either.

The woman then started up her own modelling agency, gave people an address in London to send in applications, she had picked some poor randoms home address and he was perplexed about all the post he was getting!
It turned out the woman was from South America and her and her husband were known scam artists, previously they had some sort of scam involving teaching English lessons in there home country.

It was was such a bizarre situation but I do wonder what she’s up to now!