To ask you how the actual fuck to deal with this??

[TayoTheLittleBus]

Wits. End.

My two year old (just turned two) flipped herself out of her cot last night and was quite frankly fortunate not to break her neck. Soooo today the side has come off.

She will not stay the fuck in her bed. I keep returning her. Over and over. No eye contact etc. It’s now a game to her. Laughing and sneaking about.

I am now on the floor beside her bed and I just keep gently pushing her back down when she sits up. But I am already in a mess with my four year old as she won’t sleep without one of us lying beside her (a different thread altogether) and I am absolutely fucking determined that this will not be happening with DD2.

Please. Help.

I must have the fucking child oddity to everyone else here. We did the stair gate over the doorway. Dd screamed and screamed and screamed. She’d jump up and down and stomp and cry. She’d wake up in the middle of the night and scream at the gate again for hours and again stomp. It has irrevocably ruined our relationship with our neighbour and was the start of ongoing issues with them. It was hell. Utter, utter hell. I think we lasted less than week before she completely broke us with the neighbours banging on the wall at 3am after she’d been screaming and jumping for an hour and nothing we did would calm her.

You know @Den1se if swearing bothers you so much then stay away from posts that have them in the title.

Parallel potty training and removing the sides ruined my evenings. Before that she just stayed in her cot even if she faffed around. Now at 3 she has decided 9pm is the right time for a poo every single fucking evening. She does now stay in bed and goes to sleep but she wakes up at around ten to 9 for her poo and then wanders around the house. She’s become like clockwork. Any words of wisdom for this one? She does actually need the toilet and I’d be amazed if she’s got the control to hold it until an irritating time on purpose (I’m starting to wonder though)...

Family bed. They eventually decide they want their own rooms.

Mine are young adults. They are a PITA for day to day misc. Lumps but any time that part of their childhood is brought up, it's the one thing they agree on; it was a happy time.

FWIW, sex was any room/floor they weren't in. We used baby gates on upstairs and our couch saw a lot of action downstairs.

They went to sleep early and easily.

The no eye contact thing is pants. Supernanny is a load of shit. Baby gate every time!!

Just co-sleep. It's no big deal.

@PotteryLottery it is if you don’t want to.

Hope it’s going ok OP. I haven’t read the whole thread. But I at I will say is ds1 was excellent stayed in his own bed etc. Da2 wanted to go to sleep with us. We didn’t mind, second baby, knew there would be no more, and what’s better than baby cuddles?

Moving on, we would wake up in the morning, with ds in bed with us. Neither of us would wake up when he came in, as we were so used to ds coming in. Problem was ds was now in the juniors! As much as I’m an advocate for co-sleeping, don’t make my mistake, please!

Bless you op!!! It must be mega rough trying to juggle two of them!!

What I would do, is sit down with them, fully explain your new bedtime routine (at 6pm were going to put on our PJ's, brush teeth, have a snuggle on the sofa etc. And then 6:30 we are going to go up to bed and so on and so on) so they fully understand what is expected of them. Then pop round the shops all of you, and have them pick some new bedding, some new PJ's that they really like, go home have them help you make the bed, get them looking forward to it! Come 6pm 'right then, are we going to get our brand new PJ's on?? Hopefully they'll be excited to get to bed!

Also, sticker chart? every time they go to bed nicely and quietly and stay in their beds they get a sticker and once they get so many stickers they can have a treat?

Buy a small low bed, ikea one very cheap and ideal once out of cot and stair gate on door. Leave them to it, they will get bored and should be sleeping within a week.

We had this on and off with our two. Used to just climb into bed with them and pretend to be asleep, no contact otherwise, and they would go to sleep quite quickly. Sometimes they would turn up in our bed but at the end of the day if everyone got decent sleep it didn't really matter which beds they were in!

PS I wouldn't push her down when she sits up - it's interaction, which you're trying to avoid. Just pretend to be asleep!

A talking book or whatever the modern equivalent is. ? My children are now 30s but I remember having a little cassette player that was two little chicks on a log Their little beaks moved as though they were " telling " the story.
All the usual bath bed story from me first. I believe they were in the end, glad to see ne go Rately stayed awake more than 10 minutes.

I'm curious about the baby gate thing as I have twins and they had no trouble boosting themselves over the baby gate at age two. Actually they worked out how to open the darn thing. Same for baby locks on the cupboards.

I'm afraid my twins were terrible when they were younger. They would just keep going until the middle of the night if I left them to it. It drove me crazy!

I did end up just lying with them until they fell asleep. Some nights it used to take hours.

They're still total night owls.

It will work with the OP s daughter if she stays consistent

I wish this was true!! 😂

@mathanxiety your incredibly long-winded post totally skirts the point that tying a child to their bed is abuse. You waffle on a bit about safety guidelines and then say pragmatically the best way to deal with climbing out is a floor bed (which I happen to agree with).

That doesn't alter the fact that a PP advocated that that OP tie her 2 year old child to the bed. Which is abusive (and dangerous as you point out, but also straight up abusive).

Whenever people are discussing disciplining or "training" children, my check point is always "if this was being done as policy in a nursing home for elderly, confused people, or in a facility for people with cognitive disabilities, would it be considered ok?"

People always make the argument when you talk about toddler's dignity and human rights that it is "different" with children because they lack reasoning skills and the sense to keep themselves safe. But so do some adults; we still have to treat them with respect where possible because they are human beings.

If you wouldn't tie your demented granny to her bed to stop her wandering off, why not? And if you wouldn't do it to her, why would you do it to a toddler? And the fact a toddler can learn is no excuse - if you want them to learn to stay in bed, tying them there doesn't teach them not to get up, it just takes away the opportunity.

@TayoTheLittleBus I haven’t read the full post, but EVERYTHING you’re saying is my life!!! A two year old who detests sleep, will happily stay awake until 10pm at night, despite no naps in the day and a 6am start. I’m currently taking him to bed with me, waiting until he falls asleep and carrying him into his own bed. I too work full time and want time in the evenings to myself and to get stuff done - I currently get no time at all. It is like a living hell!! I hope all the ideas that pps have proffered will help - I shall be trying a few myself! Good luck!!

Another one suggesting they are over tired and a short 30 min max nap in the afternoon with an earlier bedtime.

Then a firm bedtime routine.

This will work with your older one possibly.

Perhaps let your older DC stay up for an extra 15 mins downstairs while you put youngest to bed.

Then apply routine to both of no engagement, eye contact, talking etc and making them wait longer each time.

It will be exhausting for a few days but frankly worth it in the end.

If they get poorly at any time you may find you have to ‘retrain’ once they are well again, but usually it doesn’t take as long.

I had this problem with my first DD. I had to lie with her (aged nearly 2) every night until she fell asleep. I was at my wits end as I had no evening, never saw DH in the evenings.
We had a fantastic, very consistent bedtime routine, calm, stories etc. Everything that everyone else advocates.
I tried crying it out for 7 successive nights where I left the room, went back after a certain number of minutes. There was no sign DD was going to ever give in.
I wept at the HV and she told me crying it out doesn’t work on the really strong-willed ones.
HV told me to try something else. Basically this. Use all their friends from nursery/ their cousins names. Here’s the script:
“Put your pyjamas on. Jasmine is putting her pyjamas on. Sophie is putting her pyjamas on. Etc etc. (Repeat for all the other children’s names - 4 or 5 is good) It’s pyjama time for all the children”
“Lie down. Lily is lying down, Sophie is lying down, Amy is lying down etc etc
“Your mummy is tickling your tummy, lilly’s Mummy is tickling her tummy, etc etc”
This is all done in a really slow, gentle, monotone voice. Once you’ve gone through everything, start on this one:
“I’m going downstairs to fill the dishwasher. Lily’s mummy is filling the dishwasher, Sophie’s daddy is filling the dishwasher. Next I’m going to do the ironing..... etc etc

It takes a long time to go through everyone and everything. It took my about half and hour but this was much less that the 2 hours I had been spending in there!

My DD just stayed in her bed! It was freaky. She also went to sleep quicker as I wasn’t there. It was like she just understood that it was what you were supposed to do and everyone else was doing it, rather than she was the only child being made to go to bed!

Also, we talked a lot in the day time in really simple language about sleep making energy. How you can’t do the things you like doing if you didn’t make enough energy. Every morning I asked her if she made lots of energy and she would be very pleased with herself for making loads and then I said that’s fantastic we can go for an extra (insert treat that need energy-eg extra 10 minutes at the park) as you’ll have enough energy.

You have to be patient and go through the whole story EVERY night and you have to be relentlessly consistent. It you aren’t consistent or don't like a routine, this is not for you.
Good luck OP. Don’t feel guilty about how desperate you feel. You just want them to sleep. That is normal x

We just gave up and bought one of those low level toddler beds with sides, like this one - and no this isn't a picture of my child's bedroom it's a stock photo!

I don't understand what a bed with sides does? Surely they can still climb out?

I think a bed with sides is to stop younger children falling out of bed which a concern with normal beds.

Ahhh OP! So much advice on here! And all you can do is give it a go and see what works for your kids! I know because I was you a couple of years ago. My daughter went into a big bed at 2.5 and the first night she was amazing. The next night was HELL. I had never seen her summon up so much energy until 11pm! That night I gave up and put her back in her cot (luckily she wasn't climbing out).

The next night I sat on her bedroom floor just where she couldn't see me. Every time she sat up, my voice would ring out in the darkness "LAY DOWN". That's all I said. I sat on my phone listening for about a week. I made sure she couldn't see if I was there as then transitioning from sitting on the floor and leaving was MUCH easier! She didn't know if I was there or not!

By the way, standing in solidarity with you on this. Some folk like their kids in their bed. Some folk like to lay next to them. Some folk like their kids to sleep in their own bloody bed. That is me. I hate sharing my bed with anyone, let alone a wriggly kid. And if I don't get enough sleep then everybody suffers the next day.

Good luck!

I don't understand what a bed with sides does? Surely they can still climb out?

I think the idea is that younger children can't roll out, but older children can climb out safely without hauling themselves over the bars and falling onto the floor from height.

I started throwing myself out of my cot at 18 months apparently. I was an overly early riser. Mum bought me a big girl's bed, child proofed my room and left me to it. I was quite happy to potter about the place playing with safe toys until everyone else was up. I agree with the stairgate recs, child proofing room and earlier bed time. Then I think all you can do is leave her to it with non-engaging, gentle but firm reminders that she needs to go to bed.