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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you how the actual fuck to deal with this??

215 replies

TayoTheLittleBus · 31/07/2019 19:35

Wits. End.

My two year old (just turned two) flipped herself out of her cot last night and was quite frankly fortunate not to break her neck. Soooo today the side has come off.

She will not stay the fuck in her bed. I keep returning her. Over and over. No eye contact etc. It’s now a game to her. Laughing and sneaking about.

I am now on the floor beside her bed and I just keep gently pushing her back down when she sits up. But I am already in a mess with my four year old as she won’t sleep without one of us lying beside her (a different thread altogether) and I am absolutely fucking determined that this will not be happening with DD2.

Please. Help.

OP posts:
Pipanchew2 · 01/08/2019 19:39

Just a thought but if your LO can cling over the cot make sure the stair gate isn’t a similar height. Good luck OP my DC are same and can totally relate to your need for the day to end.

Pipanchew2 · 01/08/2019 19:39

*climb

ODFOx · 01/08/2019 19:44

My advice, for what it's worth, as it was many years ago: put a clear bedtime routine/wind-down in place and stick to it. Put a stairgate in and let them potter if they want to but once they are in bed your input ends unless they are ill.
Routine: bath, massage, nightclothes (mine slept in clothes with feet at night until they were 3 but never in the daytime..not sure if this is actually important but worked for mine to delineate between night and day), last milk and cuddle, into bed with story, kiss, stroke, leave with closed door and gate outside in door frame. 'I love you Miss X, see you in the morning, but not before'.
If they faff that's fine as long as they are safe. After the first couple of nights I didn't go back. It worked for me.

My youngest (now 15) still gets the 'I love you Miss X etc' every night as she takes herself off to bed, though to be fair, left to her own devices I probably wouldn't see her in the morning, more likely mid-afternoon! Grin
OP, whatever works for you is good. Be consistent and don't be cross and it will work itself out. Flowers

manicmij · 01/08/2019 19:53

Remove anything that could be of interest to her. Tell her she is a big girl and has yo stay in bed to sleep. I know it will be meaningless but you have to keep reiterating she is to sleep in her bed. Exit room and close door. Is there anyway a safety gate can be fitting in the outside frame of the door, if so use this too. You will gave to persist. Do not at all costs lie down in the room, you are rewarding her giving in to what she wants.

Whatnameisgood · 01/08/2019 19:56

How did it go this evening? Any better? Really good luck!

Den1se · 01/08/2019 20:04

she will not stay the fuck in her bed.What does that mean please?

ElizaPancakes · 01/08/2019 20:07

It means she will not stay (the fuck) in her bed Confused

Den1se · 01/08/2019 20:10

Is the daughter the fuck?

AngryAngel · 01/08/2019 20:11

I had to get one of those extra tall stair gates, ones that people get for dogs. I got one with extenders that didn't screw in, and attached it to her bedroom door. It is excruciating, you have my sympathy. Hard to imagine right now because you are exhausted, but it won't go on for ever. Flowers

Julykthat · 01/08/2019 20:14

OP, my first child was a dream wrt bedtime and staying in bed. I used to feel so smug when other parents told me they had to lie with their child. Then I had dc2, whose sleep mechanism came from the same factory as your children's did. At 10 he lands in to my bed every night. It was impossible when he was small.

My conclusion is that some people just need less sleep. My eldest still needs lots of decent sleep (and plenty of food) to function while DS can survive sweetly on 6 hours (and no food!) Just the same as when they were babies.

Sorry I have no practical advice but I survive with the thought that he will move out some day (maybe)

S1naidSucks · 01/08/2019 20:15

Play her a story book, by an someone with dulcet tones, such as this.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=ma-7jb9vEjA

busyhonestchildcarer · 01/08/2019 20:23

It isnt an easy solution.It takes a long time to deal with and is difficult especially as your already struggling with the first.I was lucky that my first child was fine.For my second I slept on the floor next to her then gradually got nearer to the door until I was out.Later my girls shared a room which helped.Be careful relying on stairgates as they can be climbed and become a hazard especially at tops of stairs.

ohtheholidays · 01/08/2019 20:39

Is there anyway you could afford a night nanny that provides sleep training for a while OP?

Another thought have you ever spoke to your Dr or HV about the problems your having with them not sleeping?There are places that provide sleep assessment on the NHS as well so it could be well worth asking.

Another thought a couple of my friends have had reall trouble with they're DS not sleeping and because it was extreme the Dr's did prescribe melatonin and it seems to be helping.

I know what a nightmare having no down time really is,we have 5DC and 4 of them are good sleepers but our DD11 is autistic and she still sleeps like a newborn baby most nights and it is bloody exhausting so you have my upmost sympathy. Flowers

ItsAllGoingToBeMagnificent · 01/08/2019 20:48

These are children who can go for fucking days without sleep. They are savage

I’ve got 2 of these too Grin. I’d agree with putting a gate on and baby proofing the room, just leave them to it. We just got a bedrail for the toddler bed to stop them falling out. Sometimes we have to go back in and scoop them onto the bed if they’ve opted for the floor but it works when they are little. Our oldest started to open the gate about 6 months ago though so we are back to the drawing board. It did work for a while though.

TowerRavenSeven · 01/08/2019 20:52

Baby gate. We used to tell ds ok it’s time for you to send us ours of your room and have him close it on Us. For some reason that gave him some control and worked great!

Yabbers · 01/08/2019 20:53

Is there any particular reason you can't just keep them up until, say, 10.30pm?

Because they are babies and that is far too late.

Dontgiveamonkeys1350 · 01/08/2019 20:54

Just popping on to see how u got on. My son Is nearly 16 and now sleeps longer than me Hmm.

Supermum29 · 01/08/2019 20:55

Child proof the room, put a stair gate across the door. Put her to bed, no talking if she gets up and you put her back a few times, let her cry it out a bit. It took two weeks of tough love with my dd but best thing we ever did!

kezibear · 01/08/2019 21:23

How did it go Op?
Audio books or relaxing music help my children too.... keeps their mind off going to sleep.

Lulu49 · 01/08/2019 21:23

Makes you sound like a good sensible parent who wants some time in the evening to wind down! I don’t get all this lying down with the child malarkey lol. Had to do controlled crying thing with the first one but the other three I put to bed awake, without a bottle brushed their teeth read them a story and got on with my evening child free. It will work with the OP s daughter if she stays consistent

MrsMupps · 01/08/2019 21:31

I’ve always read to my kids in my best monotone voice, no great expressions or different voices for different characters. We started off with two books, a short one like Hairy Maclary - which they could join in with and then a chapter book where there were enough pages to keep reading if necessary. I just used to read until they fell asleep, we would start our bedtime routine around six and invariably they were asleep by seven. It didn’t matter how late they went to bed, they would still get up early...
I still read to my eleven year old (currently reading Percy Jackson)... he still occasionally falls asleep Grin

whatsleep · 01/08/2019 21:33

Hope it’s going well tonight, my dd was like this and a gate on her bedroom doorway was a godsend. She’s now 15 and impossible to get out if bed!

Ilovesweatybollocks · 01/08/2019 21:36

Yep I agree that it's stairgate and pretty much leave her to it. I used to put my little one in bed and phone my dad cos he'd make my life hell if I kept going in to settle them. If you have to go in make it quick, quiet and don't have any eye contact whatsoever. Good luck

HateIsNotGood · 01/08/2019 21:37

Ok - you've got 2 little feckers giving you grief here - my page 7 Tips:

Bung them both in the same room.
Ignore any mess/nonsense they get up to (within parental obligations).
Eventually they'll crash out/sleep.
Next day - fulfill the minimal parenting obligations.
When they complain - state that you are doing not anything for them (although you are really - feeding, cleaning, etc) because they aren't helping you do it and that as you are in charge they need to know that.
Rinse and rrepeat until the penny drops.

HedgehogsRock · 01/08/2019 21:45

Sorry, no advice to offer but this is a bit of light relief!