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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you how the actual fuck to deal with this??

215 replies

TayoTheLittleBus · 31/07/2019 19:35

Wits. End.

My two year old (just turned two) flipped herself out of her cot last night and was quite frankly fortunate not to break her neck. Soooo today the side has come off.

She will not stay the fuck in her bed. I keep returning her. Over and over. No eye contact etc. It’s now a game to her. Laughing and sneaking about.

I am now on the floor beside her bed and I just keep gently pushing her back down when she sits up. But I am already in a mess with my four year old as she won’t sleep without one of us lying beside her (a different thread altogether) and I am absolutely fucking determined that this will not be happening with DD2.

Please. Help.

OP posts:
chocolateworshipper · 31/07/2019 20:46

That stage is a long time ago for me! But I do remember we put a stair gate at the top of the stairs. For a few nights she cried by the stair gate and eventually lay down and slept there. Then for a few nights she went to the stair gate and just lay down to sleep without bothering to cry! Then it stopped. Good luck!

EvaHarknessRose · 31/07/2019 20:47

I’d commit to rapid return with both for two weeks, as long as it takes, with no voice or eye contact or engagement at all and a treat in the morning for whoever settled nicely with no complaints (don’t discuss the treat except before bed and in the morning). Honestly commit now, show them you mean business and get your evenings back.

trilbydoll · 31/07/2019 20:48

My two have FOMO and the eldest for sure would last longer than 3 nights.

We waste hours and hours sitting in the dark while dc doesn't sleep Hmm

I think I would leave them to it with a baby gate on the door. And they'll get steadily more tired and horrible for a couple of weeks but maybe it will be okay after that? I've never had the courage to try!

foreverhanging · 31/07/2019 21:01

Op my dd is also not asleep. She is also 2.

I am utterly broken at the horrendous cycle of dreading bedtime, being on her floor until 9-10pm. She is also a savage non sleeper.

I don't know how to win this battle. I can't sleep train because I can't cope with the crying and screaming and quite frankly, it wouldn't fucking work because she will absolutely 100% not sleep of her own accord. She has always been like it. My sil babysat her the other night while we went out for a extremely rare night. She said 'I'm sure she'll just doze on the sofa'

Ha ha ha.

Come 11pm she was still awake. She had a 45 min nap in the day. She is a machine.

I end up being awake at midnight still because I haven't had a tiny fucking second in the day to myself, and I need a bit of time.

Sorry, I'm no help am I.

FairyBatman · 31/07/2019 21:02

DS was a really bad sleeper. The cot side came off at 2 as he was rocking the cot.

The HV suggested putting him to bed earlier incase he was overtired and it worked at treat. It was 6:30 for a while 7pm now and provided he is in bed around 7 it’s really quick, if it’s any later than half past he is dilcking around until 10 or 11.

The first few nights the cot side came off I sat in his room with a book or on my iPad until he was asleep. No eye contact, but just an immediate ‘get back in bed’ It also took the magic three nights.

Hope you find something that helps, there’s nothing worse than too little sleep.

surlecoup · 31/07/2019 21:03

My DSD was more settled at night after her dad put her in a regular bed. (Around two years) The same for eating when he changed her high chair for a stott chair. Sone children don’t like the feeling of being caged I think.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 31/07/2019 21:06

When ds3 started doing this, we moved him into a travel cot - it had fabric sides and he couldn’t climb out.

MrHaroldFry · 31/07/2019 21:08

Oh one of my twins was s rotten sleeper OP. As others have said perseverance is key.
I didn't do stair gate on doorframe but back to bed, no engagement bar a kiss and tuck in with a night night and a wave from the door. It took about three days and then the odd relapse over a couple of months but we got there. We always played the same playlist at low volume, at bedtime and I think this helped enormously too. It kept us all on track and everyone knew that music meMt sleep.
The sleep deprivation was awful and at times I thought I was truly loosing my marbles. So it was delightful when I could just do shower, PJs and bed and then nip down to eat my dinner.
Good luck!

Serenajoy1 · 31/07/2019 21:11

Sleep trainer stat.

twinnywinny14 · 31/07/2019 21:13

I’m actually really schooled at some of the comments here along the lines of put them in your bed/let them stay up til all hours/don’t inforce any boundaries or rules with your kids. Children need sleep and they need to be in their bed (or at least room) and parents need space from their children and deserve an evening to themselves or to spend together in order to have a relationship with each other. I’d also put up a stair gate and leave them to it. Praise and reward for the morning when well behaved at bedtime, and stick with it. Be prepared for battle but know you will get there in the end. Within a couple of weeks I guarantee you will have cracked it. And to the poster who said they are broken and sleep deprived but can’t sleep train because of the crying and noise, no wonder you have no control at bedtime as your child has you over a barrel well and truly

foreverhanging · 31/07/2019 21:14

Cheers @twinnywinny14 you win !!! 👍🏻

Teachermaths · 31/07/2019 21:16

Empty room
Stairgate

Your kids sound over tired OP. They need a total reset on their sleep pattern. Decided when you want them to go to bed/wake and take it from there.

If you want them asleep for 7, start bedtime at 6. Pj's, milk story and then put them down with the "I'll be back in 2 mins" and extend it.

popsadaisy · 31/07/2019 21:18

@TayoTheLittleBus bloody hell you don't have to be sorry for anything!!! I completely agree with @twinnywinny14 it's not good for your mental health to be with your kids every waking hour and not have a moment to yourself and you definitely don't have to apologise for that! It's not good for them either, they need a Mum who is well rested and has quality time to herself, they also need routine and boundaries. My LG is 15 months and since birth she's been a madam when it comes to going to sleep she fights it for hours and hours and it has had such an impact on my mental health. I just feel completely zapped by it and like it will never end. It scares me when I read stories that some babies stay the same into their childhood. It sounds like you have some pretty good advice on this thread though with the stairgate! Good luck and don't explain yourself to anybody!!

RaggeddeeAnn · 31/07/2019 21:27

Do you have a bedtime routine? Do you put the 2yr old and 4yr old to bed at the same time? (I would). I would consider a later bedtime as well maybe 8pm for lights out. (Start routine at 7pm of Bath, teeth, books, songs, lights out).
I wouldn’t shut them in their room because then they can’t get to you if they really need you.
If they refused to go to bed for FOMO, then try saying that they can lay on the sofa with a blanket and quietly look at books until they feel sleepy. Then you also read. Or you and DH play scrabble. Be booooring. As soon as they know they are only missing boring adult stuff they won’t have FOMO. They’ll have their curiosity satisfied in 2-3nights tops. I did this with a really rambunctious 2yr old I babysat...put him on sofa and did my homework. He’d fall asleep and I’d carry him to bed within a half hour every time until by the 3rd time he went to bed without a peep.

HelenaJustina · 31/07/2019 21:27

Have you got anyone who can help? I do think rapid return works but you have to be prepared for 3-5 nights of battling. And be really really consistent.

I would 100% do this for a friend on their knees. Kids also often respond better to an alternative ‘authority’ figure!

PeoplesFrontOfJudith · 31/07/2019 21:33

Have you tried an earlier bedtime, maybe just half an hour? My youngest has definite cycles of tiredness and if you miss the slot forget it, it’s hours before she’ll go off as she gets more and more overtired and crazy playful. At that age they need loads of sleep if they’re not napping.

But yes just leave them to it, and eventually they get into the routine, stay firm! My eldest even went through a phase of getting back up at like 2am and playing, it was a killer but she got bored of it and settled down eventually.

Teaandchocolatecake · 31/07/2019 21:35

I used to have mine in bed at 6.30 once naps had been dropped. If I left it any later they were overtired and wouldn’t get to sleep.

NonDomina · 31/07/2019 21:38

We had this. We battled with the getting out of bed, wailing at the top of the stairs and pushed on for ten days. I thought that we could not turn back but it broke us. We then put 2yo in the travel cot, which he had not successfully scaled, and waited until he asked to go into the big bed (which had enticing bedding). Once he did we have not had a return to the tantrums and when he wakes up now, which is rare, he calls from the bed and doesn’t get up.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 31/07/2019 21:40

Another one here who put a baby gate in the door, child proofed the room and left my dc to it. 3 nights of hell, then sleep

AnnonniMoose · 31/07/2019 21:40

I resent sitting with them for hours while they carry on and refuse to even attempt it.

They refuse to go to bed because they know you'll keep sitting with them. Hard as it is, you have to let them be and let them learn that they can't control you that way. Boundaries.

As a mother of twins I've had to be ruthless. I did controlled crying and it was hard, but so worth it in the end.

Another suggestion - we had a nightlight that played a nursery rhyme and stopped automatically after 5 minutes. The twins knew that once it was switched on it meant that I would not be coming back into their room. After a while the yawns started the moment it was switched on, and by the time it was finished they were settled and quiet.

justasking111 · 31/07/2019 21:45

Babygate on doorway, but do NOT leave the sudocrem in the room. It does not come out of carpet, soft toys, books, or curtains.

tolerable · 31/07/2019 21:53

bathtime,supper,teeth,story,leave light on and tell her shes a big girl now so shes allowed music on.put cd on.kiss goodnight,i'll see you in the morning and not before,

RainOrSun · 31/07/2019 21:58

Hahahahahaha to they sleep through eventually
My 10 year old doesn't sleep through. I hear him occasionally if I'm awake at night. What he has learnt is not to wake the rest of the house.

Tayo I think you've got a good plan. Empty the room, gate (or just shut the door if she cant open it yet), and let her sleep wherever. You can move her into bed when you go to bed, if your dare. Good luck! My monsters record is 3 hrs sleep. So, up at 6am, 3 hrs sleep before having to go to the airport, because all flights were at 4 fecking am, and was as happy as Larry til bedtime the following night.......

IdblowJonSnow · 31/07/2019 21:58

We did stair gate on bedroom door too. I guess your extra issue is that you have 2 kids in same room so they'll mess around more.
Definitely don't blame you for wanting this sorted and your evenings back.
Good luck and remember it will pass! Mine are night owls, it's a pain but at least we have a lie in on the weekend.

Butterfly02 · 31/07/2019 22:04

One of mine did this at 18 months ended up with a mattress on the floor and Stairgate in doorway.