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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you how the actual fuck to deal with this??

215 replies

TayoTheLittleBus · 31/07/2019 19:35

Wits. End.

My two year old (just turned two) flipped herself out of her cot last night and was quite frankly fortunate not to break her neck. Soooo today the side has come off.

She will not stay the fuck in her bed. I keep returning her. Over and over. No eye contact etc. It’s now a game to her. Laughing and sneaking about.

I am now on the floor beside her bed and I just keep gently pushing her back down when she sits up. But I am already in a mess with my four year old as she won’t sleep without one of us lying beside her (a different thread altogether) and I am absolutely fucking determined that this will not be happening with DD2.

Please. Help.

OP posts:
Bubbletrouble43 · 31/07/2019 20:10

Anyone who thinks a 2 yr old cannot be badly behaved seriously needs to spend an afternoon with my two.... please....any takers?

beepbeep321 · 31/07/2019 20:11

Another one to say keep putting them back in. My 2yr old is now in his toddler bed but was a fun 3 nights before he got the hang of it. First I put him back to bed with hugs and kisses. If he shouts or gets out I then return him with no words. Each time I leave it 3 minutes longer before I go back in. So first time I go in after 3 mins, then 6 mins, then 9 mins etc. It's hard work for a few nights but in my experience it does work. Goood luck!

jaynelovesagathachristie · 31/07/2019 20:12

Yeah I had to put stair gate and let them be or I would have got angry. I doubt they would stay awake all night it would just feel like it for awhile. I don't bother getting my youngest to bed until 9pm and other 9.30 as they hate sleep this way they sleep quickly and all night

SouthernComforts · 31/07/2019 20:12

I'd do what a pp said and remove everything you can from the room, secure the wardrobe and drawers then close the baby gate and let them crack on. The novelty will wear off eventually and they might give in!

noeyedeer · 31/07/2019 20:13

It took a week with mine, and he still sleeps more quickly if I lie down next to his bed. Stair gate is a must. I feel your pain. I'd like to say that it gets easier, but mine are 8 and 4 and still don't sleep "well". But at least the 8 year old has learned to stay in his room.

CatteStreet · 31/07/2019 20:13

No, I don't believe a just 2yo can be 'badly behaved' in the sense of 'with ill intent and needing discipline'. Inconveniently behaved, yes. Pushing boundaries (because that's how they develop), yes.

Fair enough, OP, although IIWY (and I have had three sleepers who definitely fell/fall into the bad-to-shocking category) I would be taking the path of least resistance, and if that involved my bed, so be it. Bar an underlying issue, they sleep through eventually.

Rhubarb01 · 31/07/2019 20:15

Sorry, nothing to add to the good advice already given by other posters, but it does bring back memories of the moment I realised my two year old son was now too big for his cot and needed a bed - he appeared in the lounge of the holiday cottage we had rented, having climbed out of his cot and walked down two flights of stairs to the ground floor. We thought he'd gone to sleep but he had other ideas - can't get him to leave his room these days, now he's a teenager.

Good luck, hope you get it sorted soon.

MidsomerBurgers · 31/07/2019 20:16

Another vote for emptying the room of stimulation. Just a bed, teddy and a stairgate on the door. Also, develop a bedtime routine and stick to it. Low lights, soft voices.

BelleSausage · 31/07/2019 20:17

I agree with those who say to just keep putting her back. We had this with DD and still do sometimes. We just keep putting her back until she gets the message. Don’t start talking or you’ll end up shouting (or at least I do 😩).

DD is really good at staying in bed these days and it means that we can take her anywhere for the night and she’ll stay in bed. But the first week or so was really hard.

Do not negotiate with terrorists.

AFistfulofDolores1 · 31/07/2019 20:18

My DS was very similar. So I put him down and kissed him good night, then sat in a chair next to the bed, and every time he got up, I'd walk over, no eye contact, and gently lay him down.

He kept getting up; I kept gently laying him back down. He finally fell asleep at 3 am.

Next night, he fell asleep at 11 pm.

I 'broke' him after 2 very, very long nights, but he never did it again.

jennymanara · 31/07/2019 20:20

they sleep through eventually I have known parents with children aged 7 or 8 who still don't sleep through. Sleeping through is not natural, it is a skill that we have to help children learn.
Pre electric light everyone had two sleeps, a short one and then they got up for a bit and then a longer one. That seems to be how we naturally sleep. In our current culture though children do need to learn to sleep through and it is the job of parents to try and help them learn that. And some kids learn it easier than others.

Original poster
TayoTheLittleBus · 31/07/2019 20:22

I will empty her room tomorrow (fuck knows where it’s all going to go 😥) and will buy a stair gate.

OP posts:
Yearinyearout · 31/07/2019 20:23

Just keep doing what you're doing. Had exactly the same with one of mine, drove me insane but only lasted a few nights (I know that sounds a lot but it's worth sticking to your guns)

PeterRabbitsBlueCoat · 31/07/2019 20:26

DD1 also went into a bed at just-turned-2 because DD2 needed the cot.

She was a bloody nightmare with sleep so we gave her the bare minimum in her room. Nothing she could hurt herself on and nothing too stimulating. Just her wardrobe and some stuffed toys. Mattress on the floor in case she fell out of bed, and a stair gate on the door.

She would dick around for agggggggges before going to sleep. I have to admire her imagination as she managed to play a lot of games with the limited stuff she had in her: dressing her stuffed animals in her own clothes, making mobiles out of hangers my bloody mother taught her that one , changing outfits, seeing how many socks she could fit into a pair of tights...

I just left her to it. I only went up if she had hurt herself or needed a fresh nappy. Some nights she would take hours to go to sleep, often sleeping on the floor, or by the door.

She's now 3.5 and marginally better. Still likes to mess about a bit depending on how tired she is. But I've never done the whole "lay with them til they fall asleep" thing. She'd see it as a game!

DontCallMeBaby · 31/07/2019 20:30

Slightly different scenario, as DD used to get distressed at being left in bed (and then got out) but may be worth a go. I’d tell her I’d be back in 2 minutes, and I would be. Then 3, then 4, then a few 5 minutes, then 10 if she was calm, and so in, until she was asleep. If she got up before her time was up, I wouldn’t go to her - well, I did, but I’d leave it a little while then say “Three minutes is up now, why aren’t you in bed?” even if it had actually only been a minute and a half. Worked like a charm, and eventually the fact she was calm at bedtime rather than in hysterics meant the whole rigmarole could be adjusted until it wasn’t necessary any more.

She’s 15 now and the idea she once wouldn’t stay in bed is extraordinary ...

Hecateh · 31/07/2019 20:30

If you could happily get up at 6am with them, why not do that. Wake them up at 6am, do it now whilst it is light at that time - it would be harder in the winter.
Do this in conjunction with the stair gate at the door.

My daughter managed to throw herself out of her cot by 6 months old, so she went into a bed at that age (with the cot mattress on the floor next to her. I didn't use a stair gate but a window latch on the door. It was so weak an adult would bend it straight away and anyway was easily accessible to an adult but it was tough enough to stop her. It was more of a signal that it was bed time than a gate that she could stand at and rattle.

Stardustmoon · 31/07/2019 20:31

I lie next to my 2 yr old and 8 month old together at the same time. Could you do this with them both?

FelixFelicis6 · 31/07/2019 20:36

Good luck Flowers I think stair gate is the way to go

FlamedToACrisp · 31/07/2019 20:38

What time do you put them to bed? Is there any particular reason you can't just keep them up until, say, 10.30pm?

underneaththeash · 31/07/2019 20:38

We had to get a dog gate as DS1 climbed over the stair gate over his door!

Original poster
TayoTheLittleBus · 31/07/2019 20:40

Because I want a life after they go to bed at night. I don’t want them roaming around until after ten. I can’t do anything with a two year old underfoot. I can’t watch tv. I can’t clean up. I can’t have my tea (she’d scrounge it). My days with them are hard just now. I need them to end at some point. I won’t apologise for that.

OP posts:
Silvercatowner · 31/07/2019 20:43

they sleep through eventually
I have known parents with children aged 7 or 8 who still don't sleep through

They honestly do. Well.... I think my two who are mid 30s do. I've no idea really.

SarahAndQuack · 31/07/2019 20:44

My DD is a terrible sleeper, but I don't get why you waited so long to take her out of her cot? She's probably hyper at the novelty of being able to get out, is all. I'd either keep putting her back, or accept this is going to be one of those times you have to let her fall asleep with you and then transfer.

You really do have the time to do this. You just don't want to. Nor does anyone else. Unfortunately, it is part of raising kids. You kept her in a cot until the age of 2 - you've had an easy time of it because she couldn't get out. But now she can. It's like anything else - you end up with the hard graft somewhere.

Justaboy · 31/07/2019 20:45

My DD2's son who is also 2 will sleep anywhere in his room apart from his bed he much prefers the floor.

In a sort of head down bum up arrangment. You can put him in his bed but moments later he's out playing around his room, it's safe in there and there is a CCTV baby monitor but he's the way he is and once he's off to the land of nod , stays there!.

Lazypuppy · 31/07/2019 20:45

I completely get why you want them in bed before 10pm, i'm exactly the same, you need your evenings childfree.

I second stair gate on the door and teach them to play whatever in their room and go to sleep.

My dd is 18months old and does that in her cot anyway, sometimes she plays with her toys for 30mins before going to sleep