Pathetic request for birthday party etiquette

[Ohmygoodnessreally]

Please help me I know how pathetic this is going to sound

As a child in care I never went to a birthday party. Not one.

My daughter has been in nursery for two days a week for two years and has never received a birthday party invite. I tried to tell myself it was because she was part time so I didn’t freak out.

The day has arrived - she has been invited!! I’m so happy for her then terrified because I have so many pathetic questions. I so want this to go well for her and for her to learn to make friends, she’s very quiet and shy. AIBU to ask your help mumsnetters?!

For lots of reasons I don’t know a single parent at the nursery. So I don’t know who this mum is and daughter doesn’t seem to know the child. Here are my questions -

Has she asked the nursery to give every child an invite - are they allowed to do this for privacy reasons? If so I’m happy she’s has!!

What do I say when I rsvp, as I don’t know her and will be walking in not knowing her or the birthday girl?

What’s the etiquette re presents for the child?

Does my dh come to the party too?

Does my daughter dress up or in play clothes?

I’m breastfeeding a six month old, can I bring him to the party?

I won’t know anyone there and am so scared but will do it for her.

Are there any unspoken party rule things I should know about before we go??

Way over thinking this.

£10 in a card and let your daughter play.

Just reply thanking for the invite and accepting. Small gift and card. Depending where the party is, maybe ask if they mind you bringing the baby along. Both parents can go generally. Dress up if she wants to, but make sure it's practical if it's a soft play party etc.

Enjoy!

Of course the nursery can hand out invites, why on earth would it be a breach of privacy?

What do I say when I rsvp, as I don’t know her and will be walking in not knowing her or the birthday girl? You rsvp and say you’re attending.

What’s the etiquette re presents for the child? You take a card and gift

Does my dh come to the party too? Not usual for the whole family to go

Does my daughter dress up or in play clothes?

I’m breastfeeding a six month old, can I bring him to the party? It’s considered rude to turn up with an extra guest but a it’s a baby you could check first.

You can take baby
You can take husband but if you want to get to know the mums go without
£10 in a card or age appropriate present to value of £10
Nice clothes, if it’s a hall party let her wear a nice party outfit. Soft play nice top but lightweight and easy to move in and leggings/shorts.
RSVP “thank you for the invitation, xx would love to come”

10 pounds wozers bitless will do as well
Or just buy a cute book. Books are always good. Normal clothes
And just rsvp with a thank you for the invite and we are looking forward to if
On the day you rock up with your dd and your bfing child. Leave your husband at home. Shake hands with the person answering the door. Say thank youfor inviting us "where is the birthday girl. We brought her a little something "..

And thats it.
It is cute you stress about it
But you dont have to. Try to relax
Try to just go with the flow. Try and see what happens 😊

Its not that bad.

Usually the invite will have a phone number, send a message back, "hi, this is xx, it's mum, would love to come to the party, thanks for the invite"

If it's at a soft play, bring your 6m old and your dh if you want. If its anywhere else ask if it's ok to bring the 6m old, if not send your DH with the older child.

Lots of people won't know each other, its a good opportunity to meet other parents. Present is either cash in a card or something from ELC or similar.

Nursery parties are awful because you generally don't know the parents or child so they are awkward and boring. Try to use it as an opportunity to meet other parents in the same position. Fine for DH and infant in arms to come. Once infant is walking one of you stay home with them or ask if it's ok if you are really stuck but don't let them help themselves to the food unless invited to.

Presents wise aim to spend £5-10. It's fine to ask what the birthday child is into if you are struggling did ideas but a book, puzzle, craft thing, soft toy, lunch box etc is fine and generic for a nursery child.

Clothes wise, lots of kids just wear casual clothes, some dress up a bit. I send mine in their nicer clothes but not wedding formal.

It will be loud and shit.

Just text and say DD fullname would love to come to X’s party.

Buy a present or put £10 in a card

Only one parent attends but babe in arms should be welcome.

Wear whatever she wants.

You will be fine! As they’re only in nursery, it could be some other children’s first time in a school / nursery friends type party too so don’t feel like you’re the only one.

I would say, you go and stay with your daughter. Bring the baby as a 6mo will be no trouble, and maybe you can get talking to a few mums. I would leave dh home as you will get more chance to talk to mums on your own I think. People will probably come up and ask how old is the baby etc, as an ice breaker - moreso if it’s just you and not dh?

Clotheswisr, what kind of party is it? Soft play i would do more play clothes (but nice ones?) but in a hall then you can do more of a party dress

Present - tenner in a card is fine, or anything age appropriate from around £5-10 is typical

I’m sure she will have a lovely time, don’t over think too much!

What do I say when I rsvp, as I don’t know her and will be walking in not knowing her or the birthday girl?

What’s the etiquette re presents for the child? - As others ahve sa, tenner in an envelope

Does my dh come to the party too? - nooooooo

Does my daughter dress up or in play clothes? - party clothes

I’m breastfeeding a six month old, can I bring him to the party? yes, you are BFing, and he isnt able to get in teh way, eat or expect a party bag. The no sibling rule does not apply to 'babes in arms'

I won’t know anyone there and am so scared but will do it for her. - neither will anyone else

Are there any unspoken party rule things I should know about before we go?? Do not eat the childrens food !

I know I’m over thinking it but it’s because this is alien to me and it’s important to me to get it right, for dds sake. Thanks for replies

Bless you not pathetic, you obviously care so much about your daughter.

I wouldn't take DH it will be easier to chat to other mums without. You will be fine to take BF baby. Clothes as PP said 'nice' outfit- for girls here this seems to involve lots of sequins and a big bow in the hair!

Don't worry about not knowing party mum. At the party it will be obvious who birthday girl and parents are. You can always introduce yourself as 'DDs mum'. They won't remember your name anyway and you will be saved in their phone as 'DDs mum' 🤣

‘Hi x, thank you for Sally’s invitation to Molly’s party, she’d love to come - is there anything in particular Molly would like for her birthday? See you then :) Jane x’

Birthday present and card I usually spend £7ish

I would never even consider asking if I can bring a baby along, of course no one will mind. At parties my children have been to there are always siblings there - if they are older they sit quietly in the corner, or you pay entry for them if it’s soft play, and of course they don’t eat or get cake unless specifically offered.

I wouldn’t take your husband (tell him he can have a couple of hours to himself and you’ll have your break the next day when he can take the kids out!). If you go on your own you’ll have the chance to meet and get to know some of the other parents.

Have fun :)

I think it's lovely that you are so anxious to get it right for your dd! (Believe me, 3 dc later and birthday invites are treated with groans!)

The invitation will tell you how to RSVP- usually a text number. "Hi, XX would love to come to the party, thank you for the invitation, X"

Some mums will invite all children in a group at the nursery- it depends on the size of the party/ venue.

Re presents, something small will suffice, usually £5-£15, depending on your circumstances. And a wee card.

This could be a great opportunity for you to meet some of the other parents too! They won't bite! Most will be in the same situation as you of knowing no one, and even if they are not they should be friendly and welcoming. Take your DH if it will make you feel a bit more confident, but might be great to push yourself out of your comfort zone??

I'm pretty sure they will be fine with baby coming.

Enjoy!

I'm surprised at everyone saying no to DH. I see lots and lots of DH's at parties, particularly the nursery and reception ones.

Ohmy I can totally get the anxiety of it all.
From my experience (mum off 6 and 3 year old):

Has she asked the nursery to give every child an invite - are they allowed to do this for privacy reasons? If so I’m happy she’s has!!
I think if it's in a sports hall/church hall etc then probably who group have been invited.

What do I say when I rsvp, as I don’t know her and will be walking in not knowing her or the birthday girl?
Is there a mobile number to reply to? Say who you are and childs name and that your looking forward to going. And also ask if it's OK to bring 6 month old. Of course it is but it's just politeness.

What’s the etiquette re presents for the child?
We generally spend about £5 in home bargains or somewhere.

Does my dh come to the party too?
Whatever makes you feel comfier

Does my daughter dress up or in play clothes?
Entirely up to them. My dd likes yo wear party dresses. Ds sometimes goes in a costume or tshirt and shorts

I’m breastfeeding a six month old, can I bring him to the party?

I won’t know anyone there and am so scared but will do it for her.
If it's easier take dh. Some parents will be in groups some won't. Someone will prob chat if you have baby with you.

Are there any unspoken party rule things I should know about before we go?
Go with dd when they get food. Dont worry if they eat hardly anything or lots of biscuits. It's not a set meal.

Trying to think of first one we went to who we didn't know anyone. The mom was stood by the pile of presents so we knew who she was.
If not just out your present with the others.
Your dd will orobab3 not okay with others but might play alongside. She might sit with you for the entire time. She might be a party animal. Whatever she does is fine aslong as she's happy.

You can do this. What you are imagining is far worse than it will be. Do not stress and good luck

You or DH can take DD to the party. It’s not a mum’s only thing you know. Women complain about taking on the bulk of child and home care and then reinforce that attitude by assuming the mums will be the ones doing the party and recommending to leave DH at home.

Don't take your husband, drives me mad having EVEN MORE adults to entertain/offer tea to. Ideally, he should take DD and let you chill at home - set the standard now that you're spending every Saturday in her reception year at deadly dull parties while he gets out it :) But if you're going a breastfeeding baby is absolutely fine.

To add to what’s been said above I wouldn’t worry about her not having been invited to other parties , lots of nursery age children tend to have parties that are family / friends only not nursery friends . If you want to buy a gift you could ask what the child is interested in when you respond to the invite . I also agree with the pp that said if you go alone you are more likely to mingle than if you take your dh so I’d just take the baby .

We’re not meant to eat the children’s food?! Mind blown 😲

And OP it’s so sweet that you’re worried but you will be fine, I always eat the kids food if there’s bits going spare 😉

I’m sure it’s a bit daunting doing something for the first time.

How old is your DD?

Just RSVP saying your DD is really looking forward to the party and thanks for the invitation.

I’d get a card and small gift at this age. If DD would enjoy making a card that is a nice thing to do. But no pressure. I used to buy craft things at this age (lots of good stuff at The Works) as it is consumable and so doesn’t add to a mountain of ‘stuff’.

If the party is at home I’d not to take your DH unless you feel you really need to as space will be at a premium. I tended not to take my DH to parties (he usually did some and I did others) and in my experience more people attended with just one parent, but it’s not obviously ‘wrong’ for both of you to go; space permitting.

I’d let your daughter wear what she wants. Some will be in leggings/jeans some in party dresses and some in fancy dress! Have a thought to the activity though.

Try to relax and enjoy it. Well done for giving your DD an experience you didn’t have.

Oh bless you!

No one will be as worried about how you act as you will.

Send a “thank you DD would be delighted see you then” message.

Small gift (under tenner) and card. Baby fine, probs leave DH at home.

Dress DD in casual but nice clothes e.g. leggings and nice top.

NOT ten pounds in a card.

Buy a nice gift for 10 to 15 pounds. Nothing with fiddly bits, no barbie type dolls.

Send your dh if you want, there's loads of male parents at our schools parties.