Pathetic request for birthday party etiquette

[Ohmygoodnessreally]

Please help me I know how pathetic this is going to sound

As a child in care I never went to a birthday party. Not one.

My daughter has been in nursery for two days a week for two years and has never received a birthday party invite. I tried to tell myself it was because she was part time so I didn’t freak out.

The day has arrived - she has been invited!! I’m so happy for her then terrified because I have so many pathetic questions. I so want this to go well for her and for her to learn to make friends, she’s very quiet and shy. AIBU to ask your help mumsnetters?!

For lots of reasons I don’t know a single parent at the nursery. So I don’t know who this mum is and daughter doesn’t seem to know the child. Here are my questions -

Has she asked the nursery to give every child an invite - are they allowed to do this for privacy reasons? If so I’m happy she’s has!!

What do I say when I rsvp, as I don’t know her and will be walking in not knowing her or the birthday girl?

What’s the etiquette re presents for the child?

Does my dh come to the party too?

Does my daughter dress up or in play clothes?

I’m breastfeeding a six month old, can I bring him to the party?

I won’t know anyone there and am so scared but will do it for her.

Are there any unspoken party rule things I should know about before we go??

I wouldn't expect a reply to your RSVP, the party parent will probably just tick you off the list and expect you to turn up on the day

Don't stress if you don't get one

Oh god, don't worry about not getting an RSVP - even if you did ask for present ideas she might not reply.

They won't remember your name anyway and you will be saved in their phone as 'DDs mum' 🤣

Yup, still the same here, and mine are older teenagers.

Really? But I asked if baby could come...if she doesn’t answer I’ll feel awkward taking him

No, the important thing is she's seen the message. No reply means 'acknowledged, no response needed.'

Letting her know about the baby was a courtesy only. He's too young to get involved in a way that could have any impact on the party.

She will answer if the baby can’t so don’t worry if she says nothing.
It will all be fine.

Just a little update.... we went and all was fine, she had a great time

Thanks to all who helped.

That's great, welldone x

Hooray! I remember my first party as a mummy. I was terrified, settled into it after the first couple. X

I'm so glad it went well for you.
I didn't see your thread first time around and I'm glad because your OP made me all emotional you rotter!! It makes me want to throw you a big party with jelly and ice-cream and party rings and pass the parcel and pin the tail on the donkey and musical chairs to the Ghostbusters theme! (Guess when I grew up )
You sound like a lovely mum and now you'll have a better idea of what's what when it's time to throw your DD a big nursery party!!

Bless you @TregunaMekoides!!! That’s made me smile 😊

There were party rings there actually, they must still be a thing 😂

Our first invite came after three years at nursery, not until the 4th birthday parties started and only in the summer before the end of their last year.

We just turned up after accepting and brought a small gift

That's lovely to hear OP

OP thanks for coming back to update, I’m so happy it went well and your little girl had a great time. It’s an amazing thing to set your own anxieties aside and do something so your child can have a better childhood - you’re doing a great job x

So pleased it went well - you’ll be more relaxed for the next one. Be prepared for many, many years of many, many parties! You’re doing great, going out of your comfort zone for your daughter - she’s a lucky wee girl to have such a lovely mum.