Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish that DP wasn't such a sex pest!

281 replies

AbiMcNabbi · 24/07/2019 23:49

My DP is relentless! We have sex about twice a week, more if we feel like it but I've noticed lately that if we go for more than a few days (last time was on Friday) that he starts to make comments "The warmth on this blanket is the only heat I get in the bedroom these days" etc.
He actually said to me that after we'd gotten the all clear after his vasectomy that he assumed we'd have more sex. He's always mauling me, undoing my bra if I hug him or squeezing my boobs. He makes the suggestion of having sex every day!
It's been really really hot here the last few days and I'm about due my period - both of those for me just scream "I'm not in the mood"
I said to him last night that surely it's the quality on sex we have (which he always says is good) and not the quantity. I just want a hug sometimes with him touching my boobs or elsewhere!
He took a photo of me and our DS, I was just sat in my shorts and a crop top so asked him not to get me in the photo but he did anyway and said "That'll keep me warm"

AiBu??

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 24/07/2019 23:51

He's disgusting.

theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 24/07/2019 23:52

Urgh, he sounds disgusting. That would put me off ever having sex with him again.

Aquamarine1029 · 24/07/2019 23:52

What a pig. Why are you putting up with this? I assure you, this is not normal or even remotely acceptable behaviour.

thecatinthetwat · 24/07/2019 23:53

Tell him to stop. Mauling you? That sounds awful. Seriously, make him stop.

Original poster
AbiMcNabbi · 25/07/2019 00:03

I have literally just said to him after posting this about his behaviour. He just kind of laughed it off Hmm

OP posts:
Mammalian · 25/07/2019 00:06

You need to sit down and have a proper chat with him about respecting your boundaries.
Just because you're in a relationship does not mean you're consenting 24/7 to being touched, and that's a serious issue.
Tell him the more he does it, the more it actually puts you off sex. So he's his own worst enemy

hadthesnip2 · 25/07/2019 00:07

Yes, disgusting behaviour to want to have sex with you partner. Kick him onto the kerb & get with someone who only wants it once a month.

Dirty disgusting pigs.

Theworldcouldbemymollusc · 25/07/2019 00:08

He is being sexually abusive.

madcatladyforever · 25/07/2019 00:10

I'd have divorced him by now.

AbiMcNabbi · 25/07/2019 00:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
AbiMcNabbi · 25/07/2019 00:14

@Mammalian It does put me off Sad I sometimes feel myself tensing up. Sometimes you just really aren't in the mood for sex.

OP posts:
abitfedup · 25/07/2019 00:19

@AbiMcNabbi

Ignore stupid comments like @hadthesnip2 ... clearly a man who thinks women are good for only 3 things... fucking, cooking, and sucking.

This man (your DP) is treating you like a piece of meat. My ex used to do this to me; constantly grope me when he felt like a fuck, and think it was OK to just grab my tits, and jab his finger up my arsehole as I was walking past.

He would also grab my nipples and pinch and twist them, and when I yelped, he seemed shocked that my nipples had feeling! Stupid cunt.

He would also come up behind me and rub his cock against my arse. REALLY fucking pissed me off.

Nothing made me feel LESS like having sex with him. I started to make excuses 'I am on my period' and 'I have a migraine' and all sorts of things as an excuse to not fuck him as I found him repugnant.

Some men are entitled twats who think the woman is there for their pleasure and service only.

Tell him to fuck off, and that you find his grotty advances repulsive.

Sunshine93 · 25/07/2019 00:23

I couldn't live with this. If he laughs it off you need to make it clear you are serious and that laughing it off just won't do. I like that my husband cuddles me and is affectionate sometimes in a very non sexual way. The idea that all intimacy leads to sex is depressing. Like he loves you because you have good sex not he loves you AND you have good sex. Your purpose is to gratify him sexually.

Even reading your post creeped me out.

Sorry if that hurts you but equally i want to make you aware that his behaviour is not the norm.

Original poster
AbiMcNabbi · 25/07/2019 00:28

@Sunshine93. It doesn't hurt me at all. It creeps me out too.

OP posts:
cranstonmanor · 25/07/2019 00:29

It sounds like he is touching you while he knows that you are not consenting. Does he even realize that that is sexual assault? Why does he want to have sex with a non consenting woman? Sex is an act to do together, not you giving it to him. I dumped an ex for being a sex pest.

Mac91 · 25/07/2019 00:29

I think the comments on this post are a little over the top. If you feel he’s too much you need to have a chat with him and say it’s making you uncomfortable and that the more he pushes, the less you want to do it. My partner is similar, he always tells me he can’t keep his hands off me and 99% of the time I love that after 6 years he still feels this way but rest of the time I’ll say it straight and say I’m not in the mood don’t do that. You’ve just got to make boundaries clear. He probably doesn’t realise how he’s coming across xx

ReanimatedSGB · 25/07/2019 00:32

It's icky, and it's fairly likely that he has other ways of showing that he thinks of you as a 'woman' rather than a person. In his view, you exist for his benefit and you are both 'naturally designed' and obliged to put him and his wishes first. I expect you do far more in the way of domestic work and childcare because he 'doesn't see the dirt' or 'if you just tell him what to do he will do it.' I bet things like where you go on a night out, who you socialise with and even what you have for dinner have just become things in line with his preferences rather than yours.

honeybuzzle · 25/07/2019 00:35

OP - Is hadthesnip2 your DP???

Original poster
AbiMcNabbi · 25/07/2019 00:36

@ReanimatedSGB I wouldn't go as far as that but we definitely watch his preference of film/TV show. I don't think he's ever offered to watch a film with me that I wanted to see.

OP posts:
Original poster
AbiMcNabbi · 25/07/2019 00:38

@honeybuzzle 😂 definitely not

OP posts:
Sunshine93 · 25/07/2019 00:38

I think the comments on this post are a little over the top
But you say 99% of the time you are happy with your partner's advances. The OP is not.

he always tells me he can’t keep his hands off me its an interesting and overused phrase. Often used by controlling and possessive partners. I am not suggesting always but wonder ....

Mac91 · 25/07/2019 00:42

Absolutely and everyone’s relationships are different. I think people jumping on the thread and telling her that her partner is ‘disgusting’ and ‘controlling’ when she’s written a very short message about him being a sex pest is a little harsh.
For example ReanimatedSGB has now written a whole paragraph of what she thinks her DP is like. I just find the advice on this thread to be very much jumping to conclusions?

Forgive me if I’m wrong x

1forAll74 · 25/07/2019 00:49

A creepy and mauling guy,is the biggest turn off ever.. I don't suppose that they can help this really,as some men are like this big time.. They would usually say, that it is all normal to be like this.and their rights to be as so. So,it's horrible behaviour, but not sure what you can do about it.

honeybuzzle · 25/07/2019 00:49

It sounds like an appropriate response from someone accused of what you have described! Perhaps he's exhibiting similar behaviour in his relationship??

ilovesooty · 25/07/2019 00:54

He's going the right way to turn you completely off him. Pig.

Swipe left for the next trending thread