To wish that DP wasn't such a sex pest!

[AbiMcNabbi]

My DP is relentless! We have sex about twice a week, more if we feel like it but I've noticed lately that if we go for more than a few days (last time was on Friday) that he starts to make comments "The warmth on this blanket is the only heat I get in the bedroom these days" etc.
He actually said to me that after we'd gotten the all clear after his vasectomy that he assumed we'd have more sex. He's always mauling me, undoing my bra if I hug him or squeezing my boobs. He makes the suggestion of having sex every day!
It's been really really hot here the last few days and I'm about due my period - both of those for me just scream "I'm not in the mood"
I said to him last night that surely it's the quality on sex we have (which he always says is good) and not the quantity. I just want a hug sometimes with him touching my boobs or elsewhere!
He took a photo of me and our DS, I was just sat in my shorts and a crop top so asked him not to get me in the photo but he did anyway and said "That'll keep me warm"

AiBu??

The disparity in your weights is certainly going to be a factor in your enjoying sex.

OP, him putting his hands in your knickers while you were trying to explain your feelings on the constant groping and whining for sex tells you all you need to know.

He does not acknowledge you as person - just a hole he can wank into. Sorry if that's harsh - but think about it.

The thing is, men who are like this, more often than not, will be being abusive in other ways too. He doesn't respect OP, as shown by the TV watching. These men also think that if they're married, it is their right to have sex, it never occurs to them that their wives have a right to not have sex (coercive consent, is not consent, and is illegal), they have a right to feel respected and safe in their own homes.

Notice all the pps who have replied saying they experienced this, ended up leaving. They would have tried to talk about this, many times, but their partner's were men who are mysoginists. They think that women are inferior to them, so take no notice of how their partner feel.

OP, the only answer is to leave him, you'll never change him. There are men out there, who will treat you with respect.

but he obviously has a high sex drive and doesn't seem to know how to communicate his attraction to you appropriately and respectfully.

You think?

Grabbing her when she is doing something else, undoing her bra, controlling what they watch on tv, taking photos of her she doesnt want him to... there are a lot of areas he is overstepping boundaries.
It doesnt take a genius to know that grabbing your partner roughly in intimate areas when you suddenly decide you want sex, never showing affection without an agenda, and laughing at them when they state they dont like that and want them to stop doing it is as far away from respectful as you can get.
He obviously doesnt think there is a problem, how do you think op is going to convince him that she isnt there for his personal use 24/7?

I had an ex (note, ex) like this. It is miserable. Reducing it to “you want sex this much and he wants sex that much” as pp have done misses out the whole dynamic of how horrible it is to be mauled and pawed and pestered constantly, and how that by itself can kill your sex drive dead.
Yep nothing worse for turning you off someone than being pestered and groped at inappropriate times just because he has decided to stop ignoring you (while he does 'more important things than actually spend time talking to you) and now wants sex!

Even last night, after I'd tried to explain my feelings - he started to put his hands under my knickers and asked if I wanted to have sex. I'm not going to lie, I did say" You're not seriously asking me now? "

Cross post!

That tells you all you need to know. He is vile, he doesnt get it, never will, its all about him and what he wants, you are just the means to get it.

Sorry op but you need to leave before it gets even more demanding and you wake up one night and its not 'just' groping.

You were talking about your feelings and he thought it was a good time to touch you? That's completely disrespectful. I'd tell him if he continues, he can sleep on the sofa or fuck off completely. He's grim.

This is so gross. You need to tell him exactly how uncomfortable it makes you feel, he is objectifying and degrading you. Twice a week is average I think, it’s fairly normal for cohabiting partners.

Sn0tnose

I covered this:

What suggestions do you have which will permit him to have the intimacy he is craving without having to do something you don't want to do?

@Greeve Yes, I did notice that, but chose to ignore the implied suggestion that the OP should be the one responsible for coming up with a solution to their problem.

Oh no, op, that sounds suffocating. I'd hate every time I cuddle DH for him to try and turn it into sex. It'd make me feel claustrophobic to say the least.

Definitely have a "sit down, we need to talk" talk and, if he doesn't respect what you have to say, then counselling is a good next step.

I find it appalling that he put his hands on you even when you just told him that you don't want it. Dumb question, but when he does it, do you clearly tell him no or just move away? How does he not get that you are turned off by his mauling?

Undoing your bra straps when going in for a hug is gross tbh. Just sit him down and have a chat about what your boundaries are and to respect them.

Definitely have a "sit down, we need to talk" talk and, if he doesn't respect what you have to say, then counselling is a good next step.

Op did this, this is what happened...
Even last night, after I'd tried to explain my feelings - he started to put his hands under my knickers and asked if I wanted to have sex. I'm not going to lie, I did say" You're not seriously asking me now? "

Dont think counseling is going to benefit op one bit.

So the answer is to stay in an exclusive sexual relationship which doesn't satisfy him?

He’s almost twice her weight and his idea of foreplay is boob squeezing and shoving his hand in her knickers. Perhaps if less consideration was given to his satisfaction and more consideration was given to the OPs satisfaction, they’d both be better off.

@Seahorseshoe councelling is actively discouraged when one partner is controlling or abusive - and constant groping and asking for sex IS controlling and abusive. Marriage does not make this ok.

So the answer is to stay in an exclusive sexual relationship which doesn't satisfy him?

He is free to leave!
Why should op stay with someone who cheats on her?

Good luck with him finding a woman who wants to be regularly gropped and he attempts to bully to have sex just because he wants it and doesnt give a hoot about her feelings.

*Yes, disgusting behaviour to want to have sex with you partner. Kick him onto the kerb & get with someone who only wants it once a month.

Dirty disgusting pigs*

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I notice that there are an awful lot of us with ex's that did this. My ex-h was like this too. It was embarrassing as he'd do it in front of other people, even his parents. We couldn't have so much as a hug without it turning into a grope. It was so off-putting and really affected our sex life. When I had our son, the first thing he said to me when we were carrying our newborn out of the hospital was "when can we have sex". He had an extremely high sex drive and would have had sex all day every day if he could. He eventually had an affair and left..maybe OW is happy to fulfill his unreasonable "needs".

It's bloody difficult dealing with somebody like this. It's certainly not something I would or could put up with now. I now have a different relationship where we are not in eachother's pockets so sex is brilliant and he's totally respectful of me. You deserve better OP.

A 17 stone man pestering me for sex and groping me. I can’t really imagine any greater hell.

"You need to sit down and have a proper chat with him about respecting your boundaries. Just because you're in a relationship does not mean you're consenting 24/7 to being touched, and that's a serious issue".

THIS. Absolutely this. Personal boundaries don't disappear the second you're in a relationship. He sounds like a horny teenage boy, not an adult who's supposed to care for the person he's with.

Nip this behaviour in the bud ASAP.

You deserve better OP

Indeed she does.

It's not cheating if one party acknowledges they are unable to meet the sexual or romantic needs of their partner so permits sexual activity outside of the marriage.

I love my husband dearly. If we came to such a place where one party was clearly dissatisfied with our intimacy that we could make such an arrangement instead of breaking up the marriage altogether. And yes, we have discussed this.

Sigh. OP HAS tried to talk to him about this. His answer was TO PUT HIS HANDS IN HER KNICKERS.

ffs.

@Greeve

ODFOD.

@greeve so your idea of foreplay is to grab your DH's cock and squeeze his balls when he is walking by then?

Having read the follow up post from the OP I've changed my mind set a bit - being told no and continuing to grope and pester anyway isn't nice. I had a brief fling with someone who did this and it's not a nice feeling. You should never feel pressured into having sex just to shut someone up.

Oh and I never said boob honking was foreplay, more of a jokey greeting in our house 😂😂

A total disregard for your feelings and comfort is such a turn on! He's an arseholes. Kick him in the balls and then ltb.