To think I've blown it? Came on too strong?

[laughoutloudt]

I'm casually dating someone and we've been getting on great.
We speak every day and have fun together.
I've asked him twice if he wants to do something and both times he said he had plans.
Am I coming on too strong by not going with the flow?
He's texting me every day still and he said he just needs me to relax and not be so intense.

@laughoutloudt Just because he was not available those two dates did not mean he no longer has an interest in you. Sometimes things are as simple as people having prior engagements.

You could have said to him when are you next free then or let me know when you're free and put the ball in his court, instead you've allowed yourself to come across as clingy and needy.

You evidently want things to move fast, not everyone is like this. You two are still getting to know one another and he's not using you as a booty call either it seems. He came out of a relationship, did it not occur to you he would not rush into being exclusive quickly?

You're reading into things far too much at such an early stage, it does not need to be this difficult.

Anyway as I mentioned before, you are probably better off with someone who wants things to move as quick as you do. The fact this man is able to control your mood so much without even being exclusive is strange, it again shows you are being needy.

He messages you some days a lot some not so much, that is normal as some days it's easier to message constantly and others not.

I'm rambling on now, but I do think you come across as needy and it's something you should work on before you go on further dates. At the beginning stage it should be relaxed and just fun to get to know one another better to see if there is any potential.

He hasn't given me the time of day today
I sent him a WhatsApp message,he's been on but didn't even look at my message
I don't understand why yesterday he was messaging lots and today this.
I'm so tempted to send a final message and just say don't message me again
Your clearly an arse

I would rather he disappeared for good than hot and cold.

Take charge of your own life and tell him to disappear. Then block so he can't keep messing with your head. Problem solved.

It's not any specific combination of words that makes you appear needy (and vulnerable) but the way you're prepared to passively allow him to treat you like a puppet on a string.

For future reference, people who care about others - and care about you specifically - don't engage in hot and cold manipulative behaviour like he has. (Or the kinds of silly games you queried playing in return.)

I honestly think he's better off without you. You sound so needy and desperate it's quite embarrassing. I think you should address the reasons behind your neediness and apparent low self-esteem.

@VladmirsPoutine how am I needy and desperate ?
He's messing me around
How else am I meant to feel apart from hurt and confused

Except do you want to send a "final" message in the hopes he'll beg you to stay involved?

And then sit around pining waiting for him to reply and get yourself upset if he doesn't?

Because blocking him would be a more effective way to prevent him from messaging you again, if that's what you want. Rather than messaging him to say "don't message me".

If you send a message to tell him you're no longer interested in continuing this, then you need to be prepared to block him immediately.

Otherwise you're just going to get sucked back in.

You don't seem to be reading anybody's replies though, so that's your look out if you're not prepared to act in your own best interests.

I don't understand why yesterday he was messaging lots and today this.

Have you actually bothered to read any of the posts from multiple different people on this thread painstakingly explaining to you exactly why he's blowing hot and cold with you, ignoring you then love bombing you?

Don't send him a final text OP. It will make you look unhinged.

Instead, dust yourself down, know your own worth, delete his number and walk away with your head held high. Then you're ready for someone who wants and deserves you.

@thetimekeeper I have done,I've read all the replies.
It just makes no sense as when I first told him I fancied him months back he said he couldn't believe it ..he was actually so happy I was into him.
From one day to the next such a change for me is crazy.

Nothing wrong with feeling hurt or confused (until people explained it to you).

Continuing to chase after him instead of acting to step away is your choice to continue hurting needlessly.

What I don't understand is why you don't just take control of your own life.

He's just totally messed with me,I feel awful about myself.

@thetimekeeper truth be told,I just want him.
I know it's pathetic and he's proved he doesn't care but I really do.

I want him to just tell me one way or another

He is telling you. You’re just refusing to see it. ☹️

@laughoutloudt Please don't feel awful about yourself. We've all given time / affection / love to people undeserving, or who don't reciprocate. It's a fact of life sadly.

You're human and you have feelings, so don't beat yourself up. We all make and learn from bad decisions and I guarantee that you'll now spot this type of fuckboy on future dates before you get in too deep.

You've got this. Thie man isn't worth your stress and tears.

You know, if a guy is really into you, it's obvious. He's just not THAT into you. He likes you. But not like crazy.

@AlexaAmbidextra he isn't tho as I said
Shall I stop asking you and he didn't answer then went on to keep texting me

You can't have him. (He's not a prize.)

We can't give you a magic spell to change that.

No matter how many times you post the same thing on here.

You need to turn your attention to sorting yourself out. And valuing yourself enough not to want someone who treats you badly.

Your self worth needs to come from within yourself, not be dependent on how others are treating you.

Chasing after people who (deliberately) make you feel shit about yourself is a guaranteed route to thoroughly destroying yourself.

You should want someone who doesn't treat you like you're disposable.

No op asking to make plans with him isnt coming on strong unless you are plaguing him every minute of the day, I dated a guy like this very non committal, hes a fuck boy

@poopypants up until the last week I thought he was into him
It was only when I started pressuring him to set a date he went funny.

Don't feel bad. Just remember out of all the people in our lives who we like or who like us, it only ever works out a very small number of times. Hopefully just the once!

The next person you become involved with might be far keener on you than you are on them. And that's ok too. I personally had to experience that side of it before I could be more at peace with someone I liked being 'just not that into me'.

If you want something serious, wind this one down and make sure you're open to new opportunities. The next person you meet might be the person you've been looking for all along.

What did you do before you met him? Go and enjoy life, he may realise what he's missing then, if not, move on.

Nah, if you're real then you quite clearly didn't read those earlier careful replies from pp.

Oh would you just stop!

Stop being so passive. Waiting for him to decide how things pan out as though you don’t have a choice.

All this what do I doooooooo neediness! You’re a grown woman so grow up.

You’re attitude is needy.

You need him to tell you have he feels.

You need him to text you.

You need him to like you.

Please dump him and get some self respect.

You’re waaay too strong here op. It’s only natural but you need to compose yourself a bit, it’s quite embarrassing.

He’s not as invested as you are, there’s only one way forward.
And please please please will you find some love for yourself before you become desperate for the next person to love you.

Is it possible hes still attached to the person he said he split up from?