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Original poster

To think I've blown it? Came on too strong?

146 replies

laughoutloudt · 23/07/2019 10:00

I'm casually dating someone and we've been getting on great.
We speak every day and have fun together.
I've asked him twice if he wants to do something and both times he said he had plans.
Am I coming on too strong by not going with the flow?
He's texting me every day still and he said he just needs me to relax and not be so intense.

OP posts:
letsdolunch321 · 23/07/2019 13:40

What you do now is get yourself a life without him in it !!!!!

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 23/07/2019 13:41

Honey if he was into you he wouldn't be able to resist seeing you at every opportunity.

Find someone like that, not someone who can't be arsed and is stringing you along.

sonjadog · 23/07/2019 13:41

No. You just get on with your own life and put him to one side. Don't try to make him feel anything, don't try to show him anything. If he wants to see you again, he'll text and ask you to meet up.

fuckoffwinter · 23/07/2019 13:42

What do I do now?
Try and make him jealous ?
Show him I'm going out everywhere ?

Nope. Blocking him and moving on with your life will have the effect of 1) giving him a taste of his own medicine 2) making him realise you do have self esteem, self respect and he underestimated you 3) open the door for you to meet someone else who isn't a head fuck.

It's win win.

MaryMcCarthy · 23/07/2019 13:43

He's literally told you to relax and stop being so intense.

Why do you need answers from Mumsnet?

VivienneHolt · 23/07/2019 13:43

What do I do now?
Try and make him jealous ?
Show him I'm going out everywhere ?

God no, none of this! It isn’t worth playing games which will only make you miserable.

I think you should bow out gracefully. Stop asking him to hang out, stop calling and texting all the time. Let it fade. If he asks you why, tell him you didn’t think either it you were really feeling it and that it was time to let it go. Invest your emotional energy in someone who wants to be with you without you having to play psychological games first.

Mylittlepony374 · 23/07/2019 13:44

Stop contacting him. Delete his number. He does not want a relationship with you. If he did, you would have one.

You need to know & believe you are better than this.

TheSmallAssassin · 23/07/2019 13:45

Don't second guess yourself, don't play games, just be honest - you don't have to go with his flow. If you'd like to "do something" (how are you "having fun" other than texting?) then you're hardly being intense! Maybe he's blown it with you, rather than the other way around?

Crunchymum · 23/07/2019 13:53

Have to agree with the PP who say if a man "wants you", he will make it known.

This is very brutal - you've had sex with him before and even the fact you would have sex with him again, hasn't piqued his interest.

Move on!

bebeboeuf · 23/07/2019 13:55

I wouldn’t date anyone who told me I was too intense or coming on too strong.

Il give out what I would like back and those words would be a clear indication that he wasn’t on the same page as me

SomewhereInbetween1 · 23/07/2019 13:58

If someone wants you, they will make an effort to be with you. It's that simple.

In a few weeks when you're well shot of this time waster you'll read this thread back and won't believe how much of your time you wasted in him. Cut your losses now and move on.

TanMateix · 23/07/2019 14:04

What do I do now?
Try and make him jealous ?
Show him I'm going out everywhere?

Why on Earth would you do that??? Honestly OP, how old are you? If under 16 I would understand but this not on. Just be yourself, if they appreciate you as you are let them stay, if they don’t let them flow.

Original poster
laughoutloudt · 23/07/2019 14:06

Why do you think he has days when he speaks loads then others I might as well be invisible ?

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 23/07/2019 14:11

Why do you think he has days when he speaks loads then others I might as well be invisible ?

It's been pretty unanimous OP, yet you still won't listen.

He doesn't want to date you, he doesn't want to engage with you half the time and he doesn't seem to want to have sex with you again (even if he was only after a fuck buddy he'd be putting in the leg work!)

Have some self respect and stop flogging a dead horse!

letsdolunch321 · 23/07/2019 14:14

Op why are you not taking on board what other posters have advised ......

Leave the situation where it is. Stop over thinking 🤦🏼‍♀️

VladmirsPoutine · 23/07/2019 14:21

You're letting this man reduce you to a over-wrought hysterical mess. Stop. If a man wants you, you will know it. Caveat is that men can quite easily set a date for say Saturday and not require an entire week of conversing about the weather; whatever else - most women will accept this but quite a few will spend the week worrying he's gone off her.

Find someone who wants to accept what you want to give them.

fuckoffwinter · 23/07/2019 14:23

Because he wants to keep you hanging on so you're around when he might feel like it.

Tallgreenbottle · 23/07/2019 14:27

He's a fuckboy OP. He doesnt want a girlfriend. He wants casual sex. Get some self respect and run like the wind.

Jellybeansincognito · 23/07/2019 14:42

I got quite invested in a thread yesterday because it’s really sad to see the opposite side (you in this scenario) get an emotional pounding for no reason.

He’s keeping you interested enough so that he can have sex with you again, nothing more. That’s insanely clear to me.

Please delete his number, and block him.
If its an emotional yo-yo already that’ll never change, you don’t like it. You’re not compatible. His behaviour has been enough, he really doesn’t need to spell it out.

Look after yourself!

AnneKipanki · 23/07/2019 14:42

STOP
BREATHE
READ VIVIENNE HOLT POSTS AND FOLLOW
BREATHE
AND BLOCK

CatInADoghouse · 23/07/2019 15:02

OP please listen to everyone on here! He's playing games with you. He's blowing hot and cold on purpose to keep you dangling so he can make you his booty call. No more benefit of the doubt! He's shown his true colours. DELETE AND BLOCK!! You're worth more than to be treated like this!

Original poster
laughoutloudt · 23/07/2019 15:02

I'm gonna try and just get him out of my mind.
I'm just making myself Ill and it's no use

OP posts:
15YemenRoad · 23/07/2019 15:50

What do I do now?
Try and make him jealous ?

My goodness woman, you do sound intense. You have only been on a couple of dates yet you've already pestered him about letting him know if he is interested in you or not so you can find someone else. You're still getting to know each other, why not just let things take it's natural course?

You honestly do come across as very clingy and needy and I would be pissed if someone I was still getting to know kept messaging asking where we stand and so forth.

Furthermore, you're not even exclusive yet and this person is affecting your mood so much? Do you not see how needy you are coming across?

He has arranged dates as have you, the past two suggested did not work out, you could quite easily have let him suggest a day next instead of jumping straight to the are you interested or not nonsense.

Considering how you are OP, I suggest just walk away. You'll be better off with someone who wants things to move fast.

Original poster
laughoutloudt · 23/07/2019 16:05

I asked him on two dates and he said no.
Obviously I wanted to know if he was still interested in me.
Otherwise why would I waste my time.

OP posts:
GruciusMalfoy · 23/07/2019 16:12

Some people like the attention or excitement of having someone on the end of a phone to chat to or flirt with, but aren't looking for anything more. You've seen him a handful of times since May, for me that would be long enough to start seeing each other more regularly. He just doesn't sound like he's interested in anything but mild flirtation and the odd night out. When you go out he's worried he's missed the boat.

If I were you I certainly wouldn't be waiting around for him to show interest.

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