To not want to contribute to honeymoon fund

[toooldforthisshite]

Friend is getting married for the second time for both of them. They both earn good money but spend over their means (she tells me so and will quite happily admit to maxing several credit cards to pay for £1000+ on a gift, holidays aboard etc expensive trips) they seem to want to out do each other in the elaborate gift giving for birthdays etc.
They have asked for money for their honeymoon. I don't generally agree with people doing this anyway but in this instance it's really bugging me and I don't want to fund their honeymoon when they could budget for that themselves (they are going away a week or so after the wedding to Europe as part of one of these elaborate birthday gifts but they don't want this to be a honeymoon as it's not enough apparently)
I do however want to get them a gift. I'm not sure what though.

A piggy bank?

We asked for specific gifts like a fantastic Michelin starred meal or a photography course to do together. Vouchers?

If you're happy to give them a gift went not give money? The net effect is the same.

I think this is a bit judgy. Most people could save up and pay for a toaster or some fancy sheets too if they wanted, but they still get them as wedding gifts. If you want to get them a present, get them what they want instead of trying to insert your own moral principles into the situation.

You want to get them a gift but not the gift they want?

Surely it's better they have something they like and will enjoy rather than something that someone else thinks they like but will end up in the back of a cupboard

Do people really still ask for toasters?

I honestly think so many vouchers go unused.

Isn't it easier to just send £20/£40 in a card and forget about it? Or a fiver if you really want to make a point. In coins.

Really? What difference does it make whether you give them £50 or a £50 toaster from John Lewis? Just give them a gift which will be well received and appreciated, and if that is cash, then so be it. 😶

@AutumnCrow would £40 be acceptable amount though?

I don't get this hate towards having money instead of physical gift. Just put money you would spend on something they will probably never use into na envelope.

Give them the money - I prefer to give people money were possible at least you know they can get what they want with it.

Just like at Christmas I usually get colleagues a bottle rather than mess about with little candles and chocolates.

Just give her the money that you’d have spent on the gift. Why wouldn’t you?

They may not ask for toasters but people still give toasters though. I only got married 5yrs ago and I got given a toaster by an elderly relative of DH. It was quite a nice toaster though! at least I didn't get a kettle

Tbh I rather donate to their honeymoon than trudge around the shops trying to find a present.

I think you’re being petty and making a mountain out of a molehill.

They want money instead of crap gifts they won’t use, many couples ask for this nowadays. You’re only judging because you think they’re rubbish with money otherwise I assume you’d gladly just put money in a card without thinking twice.

YABU

I agree with @VivienneHolt, I can buy myself the items people buy me for birthdays etc but I still ask for them (when asked) as it’s something I need/want as opposed to another item gathering dust in the cupboard.

It's not like you're being asked to pay for the entire honeymoon...

Yabu. In this day and age couples don't need cutlery, sheets, and kettles! They already own them! Money is both easier for the bride and groom AND easier for the guest- you don't have to search/ check wedding lists/ put any thought AT ALL in. Chuck money in a card (yes £40is enough) and enjoy the day.

(Though it seems you don't like this couple, and judge their lifestyle behind their back, so really I pity them paying a minimum of £25 - £70 per head to have you at their wedding. )

YABU

their lifestyle is totally irrelevant. You give them a gift, so something that they will enjoy and make the most of- they made your life simple by directing you towards honeymoon fund.
There's nothing to "agree with", the gift is for people who receive it. Not the time to put your judgey pants.

YANBU. Grabby as AF. £40 isn't enough? C'mon, it's a second wedding, shouldn't be asking for 'gifts' of any sort. Just don't go to the wedding and send them a card.

Just tell them they have each other, they have you as a friend, they shouldn’t ask for more

If you really don't want to contribute to the honeymoon fund, don't then get them a gift, because everytime they see it they will be reminded that you didn't give them anything toward the honeymoon. Unless it is SUPER thoughtful and sentimental (and they like that sort of thing).

I'd give them a card, and maybe make a donation to an appropriate charity to mark their marriage. A charity which funds holidays for those who wouldn't otherwise be able to afford one would be my preference.

I don’t see the issue. I always hate buying vouchers as you always feel like you have over spend rather than hunting around for a bargain. I think £40 is def enough. When it’s kids birthday parties/weddings etc I usually think how much they have spent inviting me/DC and then add a bit more.

maybe make a donation to an appropriate charity to mark their marriage

that's so patronising and smug it's hilarious.

I think the fact that it is their second marriage is irrelevant. Lots of people marry more than once.
Why would you want to give them something they don't want?
Quite frankly hardly anyone is a teenage virgin living at home with their parents when they get married are they? Therefore they don't need a toaster.