How other people see British single mums

[louise5754]

I have a very close friend who was born and lived in Iraq until she was 29. She has4 kids with her husband.

Recently she said she can't believe how many women that live near her have children with at least 2 or more men. She said it must be a British thing. She said even if she divorced her husband she wouldn't have any more children.

My sister in law is from Russia and she's said similar.

No question really. I didn't answer my friend as I'd never thought about how other nationalities see us.

I do think the government make it easier / financially beneficial for couples to not stay together though.

Posted too soon...I'm ethnically from a ME background and a common one I heard from back home is that all British children get a suitcase packed prior to their 18th birthday and when the day comes they are thrown out of the house and left to fend for themselves. I made it very clear that very, very few 18 year olds have permanently left home. My IL's swore blind that this was true because it was on a TV programme It does seem to be a very common myth though.

@Teddybear45 how awful is that the men keep the children, is that even if the man has left the mother for another woman? Just another way to control women in the name of religion, awful, i’m so relieved my daughter isn’t brought up with this Stone Age backward thinking.

I was sat in a cafe with husband and two kids. After a while an older foreign (suspect Mediterranean) lady approached and asked if ‘he’ was the father of both kids. He doesn’t look like them as much as I do but the eldest has some resemblance. I’m often mistaken for being much younger, DH too despite greying hair, which may be a factor. But she laughed it off as “you know what British girls are like”. So yep it’s clearly a known stereotype.

@cardamoncoffee my son is 28 and still lives at home and i’m British

Gin96 under shariah law the children will remain with the mother and if she is unfit they go to the maternal grandmother before the father. This is a myth that people often spout without knowing the facts.

Also Gin i have colleagues who complain that their 30 something dc have no intention of leaving home, so I know it is definitely not true

I think it's a shame that the British aren't educated about the more contentious and less salubrious aspects of their history in the same way that Germans are. It might help them understand their place in the world today, and how perhaps they are perceived across the world as it is now.

Yes, indeed. Who knows what Iraqi culture would be like now if the British and their cronies had just let it be for the last 100 years instead of subjecting it to endless wars, coups, taxpayer-subsidised arms sales and political manoeuvring to keep it unstable and powerless. It might well have a less conservative culture.

I don’t think it is just a British thing to be honest. I am a teacher and find it a lot more common here in Australia where we live now.

Seriously op - acting all innocent and saying that the thread wasn't about judging single mothers....

This thread makes depressing reading. How judgemental people can be. The fact women don't feel obliged to stay in what may be a terrible relationship because society says they should is something that should be viewed as positive.
And as for putting it all down to intelligence- what a load of utter crap.

Your examples are Russia and Iraq? Really? These are your examples of society? Putin decriminalized domestic violence, OP. And, well, I won't go into what it must be lile living in Iraq.

No one thinks that women shouldn't be free to leave unhappy relationships, only that they should put the welfare of their children first when deciding what to do in the future.

I might not be getting the jist of this thread. But I cannot and will not rely on a man for my financial means, security and happiness. I have created this myself.

Everyday you read threads on here about how awful women are treated by their husbands and partners ..... how is that a happy home for children?!

I am a single parent by choice (donor) I do not have endless men in my life because quite frankly I can't think of anything worse than being let down continually like most woman on here are, also don't want that for my DC.

I'm well aware I have a total warped view of relationships, but it's just not for me and I am far more stable and present for my child without a man in the mix.

Why do so many people want to get married? For financial security? Is that the main reason? Why not create your own financial stability?

It’s education and choice that is important, not blame and a judgmental attitude, that helps no one. The average age for a woman to have their first baby now in the UK is 27, I see this as a huge positive for women.

And as for putting it all down to intelligence- what a load of utter crap

If you look up social care/work statistics you will find there is very much a correlation between the amount of fathers a mother has for her children to her level of education. This is only one factor of course and there will be exceptions to the rule but it is also tied to her socio-economic status. The vast majority of children in the UK who are in care have mothers (and fathers) who have lower than average IQ's, have higher than average rates of addiction, higher amounts of children and higher levels of multiple relationship breakdowns and DV.

The fact women don't feel obliged to stay in what may be a terrible relationship because society says they should is something that should be viewed as positive.

Why would anyone have to stay in a terrible relationship?

The topic is about having children with multiple different partners. You can leave a bad relationship and enter a new one without having another baby.

More sexist bollocks and, often, victim blaming.

I think every young girl should be taught in school about financial help stops after 2 children, unless you are extremely wealthy in your own right, to have more than 2 children can put you in poverty which is very hard to get of with more than 2 children .Whether you’re married or not. marriage is no guarantee you won’t become a single parent in the future.

handsoffmysweets
I will freely admit that it can cause damage, if not done right. But that damage is not necessarily worse than staying in the same relationship where you are unhappy.
Kids pick up on that unhappiness. It doesnt have to be as extreme as screaming and hitting between partners for them to know that their parents are unhappy.

I try not to judge people in general, nobody knows what others are going through but that said 3kids with 3 fathers is extreme in my opinion. I am divorced with twins and a single parent to them as their father has no interest. I am a working single mum with a mortgage (nothing to do with their dad, bought house before I met him) and I get no benefit entitlements so not your a-typical single parent but I have remained single since their dad walked away when I was pregnant as I really wuold not like to have more children with someone else. It happens, a couple of my friends are on a second relationship with more kids and they are all well adjusted kids but it would not be for me at all.

I don't think it's about how many children by how many fathers that is the issue, but how the creation of blended families are handled. So if children are happy, have stability and parents (of both sexes) take their time to establish new relationships and listen to their existing kids then all might be fine.

But some of the threads on here often seem to show a very cavalier attitude to creating babies which I cannot fathom at all. Women choosing to have babies with a man who has a track record of abandoning his older kids, having babies with partners who resent your existing kids or whose kids you resent, or having 6 kids between you and cramped living space and deciding a baby together is a good idea. Completely selfish.

Someone is wearing very big judgy pants today.

Christ, reading this thread is like reading the innermost thoughts of the Daily Mail readership. All that judgement over things that have zero impact on your lives.

OP I can't believe for one second you didn't begin this thread as a goady one. Well done on that score.

Thank you Cardoman, interesting view from social care worker. Of course you are right stereotypes on both sides and easy to fall into the trap on either side. When all that matters is compassion to whoever is in front of you.