How other people see British single mums

[louise5754]

I have a very close friend who was born and lived in Iraq until she was 29. She has4 kids with her husband.

Recently she said she can't believe how many women that live near her have children with at least 2 or more men. She said it must be a British thing. She said even if she divorced her husband she wouldn't have any more children.

My sister in law is from Russia and she's said similar.

No question really. I didn't answer my friend as I'd never thought about how other nationalities see us.

I do think the government make it easier / financially beneficial for couples to not stay together though.

Let's say a girl gets pregnant at 16(in whatever circumstances) and keeps the baby, but doesn't stay with the father. At 20 she meets someone,married at 22 ,another kid at 26 (change the timeline however you want). At 35 husband leaves her for another woman/dies/he was abusive and she finally got the strength to leave. By 40 she might already be in an established relationship and still wants more kids. Cue baby number 3 with dad number 3. So what?

I think that some people deep down mainly judge the 3 kids by 3 dads scenario because there's absolute proof a woman had sex,many times..with more than one man.

I think you mean you still have problems with abusing indigenous populations/ illegal immigrant abuse/ past catching up to slavery laws. You dont get to decide its suddenly the fault of the british to cover those less progressive aspects, or that white people dont have massive privilege traditionally and still in those places.

Not really sure why you're here telling us how brilliant you country is though anyway?

To address your final question - to indicate that respect for women's and LGBT's rights is not something the UK has a monopoly on. It's not Britain or bust when it comes to being a woman with rights.

As to the impact of colonisation and imperialistion on past colonies of the UK. LOL. It's not up to me to just 'suddenly decide' no. There's quite a few eminent historians that went there first. I think it's a shame that the British aren't educated about the more contentious and less salubrious aspects of their history in the same way that Germans are. It might help them understand their place in the world today, and how perhaps they are perceived across the world as it is now.

My husband has said he's been asked several times how many women his children are with and people seem shocked when he says they are all with me

I don't think I've ever been outright asked but I do think sometimes people wonder - but I think its because we have 3 close together then an oops several years later - which people assume is a new relationship

This is an eye opener of how western women are perceived in the Arab world
Not only Arab. I overheard once (in a totally innocent way, not eavesdropping) how my (educated, middle-class) Indian colleagues discussed another colleague who was a single mother (and senior to them), and it was hair-raising.

@sincethereis

I know that some people will always think there is a certain connotation to a woman who has 3 children to different fathers. I am not that un-self aware to think people would not judge me personally based on my family set up. But others' opinions don't bother me really. If they actually met me and got to know me they'd soon realise I'm actually very lovely 😇 😁

I guess actually seeing those views written down in black and white is somewhat of an eye-opener though, as it is concrete proof that people really do think like that in real life!

I am a single mother. I escaped an abusive and violent man. Let's say (and let's be honest, it's never going to happen as I don't have time to breathe, let alone meet anyone or go out!), I enter a new relationship (hypothetical) and that ends up in a child. Would you still judge me, knowing my history? I have scars. As does my daughter. But if I managed to somehow forge a new relationship...

Russia and Iraq...paragons of women's rights 😞
In Russia husbands can beat their wives as it's now not a crime.

Oh and I am not a complete idiot. I have a degree, and MA and a PGCE

I have observed there seems to be times when a woman leaves an abusive relationship with a child, only to repeat the experience and then do the same with another abusive man. Maybe it results from the past and they don't seem to learn and repeat the same thing. I can understand it might happen once but to go on repeating it seems strange, and unfair on the children who then have to deal with the fallout.

What about the women who have learned their lesson the hard way? And who now will never ever ever trust a man again?

I also do know someone who deliberately slept with her ex to get pregnant because she wanted another baby and didn't want 'to be one of those women who have two kids by two dads''

My opinion of her did go down - in a way it wouldn't have if she'd conceived in a new, stable relationship (in credit to her - her ex was a decent father to their other child and supported her financially far more than he needed to by CSA standards)

Do you think all those who judge women in this way feel the same about Mick Jagger or Rod Stewart?

I do not give one single fuck how many children by how many fathers any woman has

@iolaus
What's wrong about having another child with your ex? If you get along and you parent well together, that's actually a great idea!

I think it really depends on a situation.
Had a friend who got married at 19, baby at 20, divorced at 21 because he started beating her. She remarried 6 years later and had another baby. No one judged her. The guy actually had to move out of the town in the end. People did make it obvious what they thought about a wife beater.
On the other hand a girl from a different class got pregnant 3 times before 24 during VERY short relationships. She and the 3 guys were judged for being irresponsible. Neither of the 4 had any security, and as I already said the benefit system in there doesn't work like UK one at all. And none of them 4 properly thought about the children and how this complicated family situation can affect them.

So women who leave an unhappy relationship or whose husband/partner leaves them shouldn't be allowed to have another relationship and have a child? What rubbish. Does anyone question men who have children in a subsequent relationship?

Op you said you wonder how other nationalities see us. I honestly don't care about the opinion of someone from a country like Iraq where women have such few rights or freedoms. I'm proud to live in a country where women can make their own choices.
I lived in the Middle East for thirteen years. My dh is an Arab and I have friends from almost every Arab country, so I have a pretty good ideas about attitudes to women and their rights. There are lots of lovely Arab men but few women have any true choice over their lives, which for me is a basic human right. Thank god I'm raising my dd in the United Kingdom.

What about all the men who father these children? Do they get a free pass and no judgement because they have dicks?
Some stunningly horrible stereotypes on this thread 😠

I’m sure it happens much less there but when it does I’m sure it’s covered up. My father is from a Muslim country and got a girl knocked up when they were 17 and she had to have an abortion. My grandmother got pregnant at the age of 14 in 1940s Catholic Ireland and was sent to the laundries. The child was adopted, my grandma married and then refused to mention the first child for 50 years until she had a mental breakdown.

I’m grateful our society is getting progressively more humane.

Well I hope you all judge men just as harshly as women who father multiple children with multiple women! Why is it always women who are judged so harshly? Honour killings is on the base of family honour that is only put on women. We really do need to change society view of women, it’s just another way to control women’s freedom and choices

@YourSarcasmIsDripping
I guess in that situation I would wonder to myself why she wanted another child at 40 with the 3rd partner. It's not just about what she wants, it's also about how she is making her existing children feel about her trying yet again to create the perfect family. It implies her existing children are not enough as they are not fathered by the new partner.

@PooWillyBumBum (great name) my dh is Muslim and had a friend who got his girlfriend pregnant at the age of 20. She was taken to Europe to have an abortion by her family. She ended up killing herself 🤢. His parents arranged a marriage for him and now he's happily married with three kids.

I don't judge women. We all walk our own paths, to our own stories. And men - the same.

@bobbybella that's me. Im a single parent to a 3.5 yo and have been single for 3 years. Absolutely terrified of ever letting a man back in my life.

When I'm googling for single parenting advice all that seems to come up is rubbish relating to single parent dating . NO THANKS!!