How other people see British single mums

[louise5754]

I have a very close friend who was born and lived in Iraq until she was 29. She has4 kids with her husband.

Recently she said she can't believe how many women that live near her have children with at least 2 or more men. She said it must be a British thing. She said even if she divorced her husband she wouldn't have any more children.

My sister in law is from Russia and she's said similar.

No question really. I didn't answer my friend as I'd never thought about how other nationalities see us.

I do think the government make it easier / financially beneficial for couples to not stay together though.

I must admit that when both halves of a couple have children from previous relationships I don't really understand the (often very early) need to add to the number of children.

I judge women that have more than 3 children with different fathers, I just think they must be a bit stupid or trying to get benefits or a council house. I also judge men who have children with multiple partners, I also see them as stupid although they probably don’t get the same benefits (I’ve never met a man like this who looks after all the children, they’re usually with their mothers). I do believe that people should be more picky about who they want to reproduce with, they owe it to their offspring. Unfortunately people abuse the system that is supposed to support those in need.

I have no issues with how many kids somebody has, or how many different fathers, gay, straight, whatever, it’s not my business & I’m happy to pay taxes for them as we live in a democracy, no judgement from me. But for the love of god, please manage their behavior…..because allowing your children to rampage through a restaurant & scream at the top of their voices for attention is not cool… not at all. I travel around the world for my job & with the exception of 3 little French demons in Lanzarote 8 years ago British children are, without a doubt, the most ill mannered & badly behaved in the world. Unfortunately, parents seem to want to be friends with their children, not parents to them…they don’t want to manage their behavior & everybody around is affected…….. the amount of places (restaurants & bars) that are starting to restrict customers with children, due to the inability of some parents to parent is very apparent. My colleagues from other sites around the world comment on British children’s behaviour often & ask why their parents allow it.

I'm on my second marriage and do think women and men should be able to leave unhappy/abusive relationships or marriages.
I work in a school in a rural area and there has definitely been an increase in split and seperated families. 20 years ago, divorce splits, stepchildren were all more common than when i was at school in the 70s. Now it is increasingly common for half siblings to be connected all over the school. Lots of dads have fathered 2, some 3 and a few 4 kids with different women across the years 7-13.
One family i know have 4 kids with 4 dads. The dad also had a kid with the sister one of the mums (one night stand apparently) and so there are kids who are half siblings and cousins.
I also know of a few mums who had kids with 'a friend with benefits' so dad is around but was never in a relationship with mum.

Broadly speaking I feel that many people rush into the decision to have children with a partner. I know accidents can and do happen but I have many friends who ttc with partners they have known less than 6 months. Our choices of fathers for our children will impact negatively or positively on them all their lives and I think people should treat that decision with the gravity it deserves.

Good to know that some people are feeling in position to judge my situation, intelligence and judgement having never met me and knowing nothing of my life

Given the choice of a liberal Western approach to families or the mysoginist attitudes of other parts of the world, and their bits in this country, it would be no choice.

Well i know which country Id rather live in-!

I guess in Iraq if a woman divorced, the kids would be more likely to go with their dad, and if she remarried or got pregnant the kids would definitely go to their dad.

My best friend is a single parent who has two children with different fathers.
She always assumes people judge her on this, and I tell her it's just her being paranoid and that society has moved on.
Reading this thread would depress her, I can't decide which view is coming out on top.
That said I am analysing my own thoughts now and realise that at the time she became pregnant with her second child, I did think it was a poor choice.
She was in a newish relationship with a man who ticked every red flag box going. She knew this on some level, but chose to hope for the best. It didn't turn out that way.

I wouldnt bat an eye if a mother had kids with different dads.

I save my eye batting for bad/ absent parents.

My daughter had a first class education and has 4 children by 4 different men 🤷🏼‍♀️

But for the love of god, please manage their behavior

Why write that on a thread about single parents?

I know that divorced women from my husbands country will never remarry because they aren’t virgins anymore so are considered no good

I'm guessing they wouldn't dare as women and children belong to men in those cultures.

In Russia the Law permits men to beat their women. And beat them they do.

Tell them we live in a liberal society.

Having multiple children to multiple men doesn't make someone eligible to a council house I noticed it's been mentioned a few times that people would presume women were doing this to get/keep a council house. You don't just get booted out of a council house once your existing children are a certain age so there's no need to have more to keep the property and nowhere on the application form for council housing does it ask whether your children have the same father.

Anyone can become a single mother, I don't think woman are judged as a single DM, or getting into a second relationship, I do believe those with more than 2 Dad's are judged harshly.
I think men with several DC to different women are treated harshly too, if not worse.
How many times can you blame women lying about using contraception, my cousin has 4 with 4 different woman.
He is irresponsible.
Everyone can fail and meet another.

But for the love of god, please manage their behavior…..because allowing your children to rampage through a restaurant & scream at the top of their voices for attention is not cool… not at all.

Why link bad behaviour to single parents? That's not all judgemental

@stairway wow what a terrible country to write every woman off for not being a virgin, so glad to be a British woman free to make my own choices and not worry about loosing my virginity

I’ve been a single mother in the past.
I had 2 children to my first partner and once our relationship finished, I knew I’d never have anymore children as I didn’t want to be ‘one of those women’ who have different children to different men.

If I split from dh I have no desire for more kids with anyone else. I do not want to do the hard work of blending a family, I have my two and don't think I could love anyone else's child as much.

There are lots of options for women in the UK compared to other countries and it is not unusual for people to have half siblings, step siblings. Some people believe that having kids with multiple men shows that you are 'loose' or morally lacking. In reality people fall in and out of love, relationships break down for all sorts of reasons. I do think that some women are very quick to have a baby with someone they barely know, known for a few months but whilst not for me that is their prerogative.

I thank God, that I was not born in the Middle East or Russia, must be a British thing about liking democracy, women’s rights oh and I not getting put in prison or killed for being gay FML

It’s such a shame that people who have had misogyny drummed into them, are snide about women who haven’t. Misogyny is self policing unless we keep calling it out.

As if marrying a man is some form of ethical achievement - Christ alive, get a life.

Well I feel judged....

I'm a single Mum after he ran off with a Nurse. I'm also on Benefits due to a severe disability which I've had for many years before my child came along. I have chosen 0% of my situation so it's lovely to feel so utterly judged for it.... 😳

Many Russian and Iraqi men have multiple partners and children.

Very true, some have multiple wives too...

Sexist nonsense. Life is not easier for single parents whatsoever.

I save my eye batting for bad/ absent parents.

This too.