How other people see British single mums

[louise5754]

I have a very close friend who was born and lived in Iraq until she was 29. She has4 kids with her husband.

Recently she said she can't believe how many women that live near her have children with at least 2 or more men. She said it must be a British thing. She said even if she divorced her husband she wouldn't have any more children.

My sister in law is from Russia and she's said similar.

No question really. I didn't answer my friend as I'd never thought about how other nationalities see us.

I do think the government make it easier / financially beneficial for couples to not stay together though.

Several children with several fathers, and those fathers having more children with other women is fine, as long as the adults can afford all those children. I'm on my second marriage. We won't have more children because it will compromise the lifestyle of the children already here.

@Screamanger I believe you could say out loud that you judge people who have multiple kids with multiple partners. Not everyone is lucky enough to have a happy marriage. Sometimes things don't work out. Besides, nobody has any right to judge anyone's personal choices as long as they don't affect anyone else.

No one is slagging of single mums here. It can happen to any of us.

the control of women continues

It does, and sadly with the contribution of other women too..because of fear,brainwashing, jealousy etc.

It's a fucked up world we live in, but it's a world wide issue.

I can't fix my home country, or the UK,or England, or the little town I live in. I can even help all the kids at my school. But I did break the cycle, DD is growing knowing she can do anything,be anything and had no limitations so far due to her sex. I know on time society will have it's go at her, try to put her in her place. Hopefully by then, she'll have strong enough foundations and self esteem to say no.

@WitchesGlove

Domestic violence is widespread in Russia. An estimated 14,000 women die each year in Russia from domestic-violence-related injuries, or about 38 per day. According to Human Rights Watch, as many as 36,000 women and 26,000 children faced daily abuse at home in 2017. Domestic violence affects one in four Russian families

You know @Handsoffmysweets, maybe people actually care about and consider the emotional well-being of their own children.

So stop with the ‘won’t anyone think of the children?’ stuff.

It also depends on the availability of abortion.

In the UK it is freely available, but carries a stigma

In Russia, abortion is more common and no one judges anyone for aborting an inconvenient pregnancy.

n the UK it is freely available, but carries a stigma does it???

@Screamanger you maybe in a happy marriage but what if your daughter was in an abusive relationship, wouldn’t you want her to be able to leave him and start a new life without being judged? I know what i’ll be teaching my daughter, she has freedom of choice and ignore the judgemental small mindedness of others. I am lucky enough to have been happily married for 26 years but I think it is because I am with my husband because I choose to be and not that I have to be.

In February 2017, with the support of the Russian Orthodox Church, Russia decriminalized domestic violence in cases where it does not cause "substantial bodily harm" (such as broken bones or a concussion)[26] and does not happen more than once a year.[27]

Fun times...

@YourSarcasmIsDripping well done for giving your daughter a better life and choices 😊 you must be a very strong woman indeed to break the circle 😊 you will also hopefully break the circle for the next generation of your family. We worked so hard in the UK for women’s rights and I feel we are going backwards especially when you read threads like these.

I've got 3 by 2 dads

Was a single mum at 26, his father turned out to be an abusive shit head. Met dh a couple years later, and we wanted children together, I was still very young so why the hell not? And over a decade later we are still very happy as are our 3 kids

Your friend and others like her can judge away I care not one shit 🤷‍♀️

I think it's bit short sighted to frown upon people who frown upon people (yes, that was intentional!) who have children with several partners, in the context of "women's freedom".
Many comments here suggest, if someone doesn't think having children with several partners is great, they are backwards, brainwashed and opressing women, while women who have children with different men are free and emancipated.
It always depends on the specific situation and the reason for the choices one makes. Claiming that women who have children from several men are free and unopressed is equally correct and equally wrong as saying those women are opressed.

It CAN be a sign of freedom - they are free to follow their own wishes.
It CAN also be the opposite - having children with every partner because they believe you need to produce a child together to be a proper family, or because they feel a woman's main role is that of a mother, or because they believe the more offspring they produce, the more they are worth.

In the UK it is freely available, but carries a stigma Does it? Does it really? Plus ,it's more permissive than in Russia.

In Russia, abortion is more common and no one judges anyone for aborting an inconvenient pregnancy.
Would be awful to judge when there is no sex ed, contraception isn't free and quite expensive,and the most used method is calendar and pull out . However, let's be honest here ..they do judge. And don't say they don't when there are groups campaigning and lobbying to actually ban abortion. No one judges

Three children with three fathers or whatever would make me wonder about the person's judgement (and taste in men). Same would apply for men with children with different mothers.

I think you should know someone really well before you decide to commit to them and have children. Don't rush in to it. Because if you have a baby with a dickhead you're stuck with having contact with him pretty much for the rest of your days.

I keep banging on about this with my DC especially DS, now at University. If he gets a girl pregnant it is entirely her choice if she wants to keep it and he could be paying out for 20 years.

@smartPlay I agree, I personally would only ever have 2 children because anymore you are putting yourself in a financially vulnerable position. That is my own personal choice though.

@Gin96 thanks, I'm nothing special really, just tried to show I do get both sides.

I get why the judgement and misogyny and policing of women is wrong and how pervasive it is,how many forms it can take etc.

I also get why women from certain countries,with a certain history might find it hard to reject all their past/culture/upbringing/conditioning. I mean, even women born and raised here ,full beneficiaries of the rights and freedoms in here agree with these comments and can be just as bad when it comes to slut shaming,victim blaming, homophobia ,prejudices etc.

Is there a stigma to abortion in the UK? Not in my peer group. Lots of people have had them, usually in their early 20s, and it's a fact of life not shameful. Better than be stuck with someone you don't want to spend the rest of your life with.

From what OP is saying, it doesn't sound like her friends are judging. Just making an observation which seems likely? 🤷

According to Islam the woman only gets to keep custody of the kids (and alimony) if she doesn’t remarry. That’s why you don’t often see women from Muslim countries remarrying until their existing kids (especially sons) are considered old enough to be adults. There is also no religious requirement for the men they marry to support their stepchildren and many don’t - which is often the reason why a lot of women who do remarry when their kids are young leave their kids behind to be raised by grandparents / older siblings (Man called Mobeen touches on this).

@Teddybear45 I know two women who have handed their children over to their family in order to remarry. One was my dh's cousin and the other my ds's friend. I can't believe anyone would do this. They shouldn't have to of course. I do know lots of Muslim women who have remarried and not had to do that because their exes are reasonable. The fact remains, though, that it could happen if the ex husband changes his mind.
We know a Christian lady married to a Muslim man in Egypt (very unusual). He died suddenly when their kids were young. Everyone said how charitable his brother was in 'letting' his Christian wife keep her own children as apparently he had the right to take them in his custody. Outrageous.

In Muslim countries the children are the property of the father.

There absolutely is a stigma against abortion.

Very few people openly admit to having one.

Most people would rather carry on an unplanned pregnancy (no matter how dire their circumstances) then just have an abortion.