How other people see British single mums

[louise5754]

I have a very close friend who was born and lived in Iraq until she was 29. She has4 kids with her husband.

Recently she said she can't believe how many women that live near her have children with at least 2 or more men. She said it must be a British thing. She said even if she divorced her husband she wouldn't have any more children.

My sister in law is from Russia and she's said similar.

No question really. I didn't answer my friend as I'd never thought about how other nationalities see us.

I do think the government make it easier / financially beneficial for couples to not stay together though.

Wow how little a woman’s life is worth in some cultures 😞

Some of you witches are really judgemental cows aren't you ?

Horrible women.

As for your judge of a friend OP why did she come here at all ??!!

@TeachesOfPeaches mine is now 20 months... it's quite scary isn't it. Thinking perhaps I will never ever ever trust someone to enter my life. Sometimes I count myself lucky, when my work collleagues moan on about their husbands... 😳

Surprised by Russia, they have a very very high divorce rate (as much as 60% at times) so inevitably this leads to second families. They also have, I believe, the highest rate of young men dying from accidents and addiction in the world, so you’d expect more widows from that situation.

Anecdotally my 2 closest Russian friends both come from divorced families and have been married more than once themselves

It's not a new thing. We no longer have to pretend otherwise, that's all.
My mother is in her 80s now, she has friends who were ferried off to somewhere where the neighbours didn't know them, or the baby was taken away at birth, they were disowned completely or they pretended to be widows and raise children alone without the stigma.

Thankfully society has moved on a bit since then. I am a single parent of 3. All have the same father but 1 has a different surname through his own choice.
Anyone who cares to judge is welcome to walk a mile in my shoes and tell me how to do it better.
Sometimes life doesn't pan out the way we plan it to.

I am very happily married with kids, We don’t consider divorce as a option available to us. I do judge women and men who have multiple kids with multiple partners

I do feel divorce is too easy, people no longer seem to want to work at marriage.

Divorce is never easy but you don't know until you've experienced it and stop preaching about others getting divorced, walk a mile in my shoes get beaten up get your arm broken get a few facial injuries then come back and tell me people don't work at marriage

@bobbybella I've spent too much time reading horror stories about child sex abusers and 'step-fathers' that end up murdering their step children or abusing their girlfriends to ever let a bloke near my child.

A quick read on the step-parenting board will also reveal the untold horrors of blended families and the relationship board is just as bad.

My son and I are a brilliant team of two and I feel so lucky we get to spend all this time together and have such a special relationship. You will feel this too as yours gets older and more interactive.

I was in a DV relationship at 14. I left my DDs 'father' at 16, just before I had her. I swore I'd never have another child.

Married and financially stable, at 27, I had DD2 to a different man. He cheated on me when she was 7weeks old, because he was frustrated from the lack of sex post birth

I have a partner now and will definitely not be having anymore. My family are happy, my children well adjusted, although not close to an ideal situation I know.

I wouldn't have chosen this for them, but this thread is quite depressing, I thought people had progressed passed these sorts of judgments on women....and it is women who are judged for it.

At least in the “western” world, it seems like more of a socio-economic thing. In some circles, divorce and blended families are frequent, but having children with a new partner is rare.

Funny how the blokes who father loads of kids and then walk away never get judged as harshly.

Ok, I’ll tell you what 10 years ago me thought before moving from Paris to the UK: British single mum = 20yo young mum of several children living in a council house, smoking, useless boyfriend optional.

Please note, I have changed my mind and opened my eyes since living here 😔

I do wonder why people from certain cultures come to the UK for a better life, for the freedom it offers but when it comes girls and women having the same freedom it is completely frowned upon so hypocritical

Your Iraq friend has probably grown up with the idea that if she were to start a second family she would lose the children from the 1st marriage. All cultures produce different problems, there is no point judging others unless you can judge your own situation accurately first.

@Gin96 because knowing things are better and completely rejecting your social conditioning,upbringing and culture are two entirely different things.

I always thought the British Mum cliche was the teenage mum as don’t they give you a housing commission council house if you are a single mum ?

@YourSarcasmIsDripping so the control of women continues, the circle will keep going, girls going missing in the summer holidays because of an arranged forced marriage, honour killings are written off as acceptable for the honour of the family, very sad 😞

Just a thought but how many women abroad are tolerating behaviour (and domestic violence) that we simply wouldn't. We have a greater variety of choice.

@prawnsword we don’t have hardly any council properties left they’ve been sold off, the chances of getting your own house now are very rare

Has wide eyed louise[some numbers] divorced the thread?

I have three children from two different relationships.

Got married stupidly young and then had an accidental pregnancy, DD arrived and I left exh who was an immature dick when DD was two.

I got remarried in my early 30s, my DH wanted children and I wanted more children too, and our two sons arrived.

TBH I couldn't care less what other people think, I think I have had only a handful of people get a bit judgy. In an ideal world I would have had children with only one man, but we don't live an ideal world.

Ok so my DD has different surname, and it hasn't been plain sailing being a blended family. Exh has two more children now, so DD does have four half siblings. But I still wouldn't change it for the world and DD loves her siblings to bits.

That said if I ever split with DH I probably wouldn't be able to have a child with another man (I don't want another child in general!)

Merlotqueen-

Where is your evidence that Russian men beat their wives?

FYI, divorce is very common in Russia, but kids with multiple fathers isn’t.

A lot of people only have one child, as well.