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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have asked partner to miss his hobby?

241 replies

Passmethemalibu · 16/07/2019 00:28

Okay I didn’t think I was being unreasonable but I’m starting to think I might have been so I’d be interested to hear other opinions.

Partner does a hobby every Monday and Thursday morning meaning he leaves before the kids get up for school.

It’s sons birthday next week and he wanted to open his presents in the morning before school with us. All good.

I asked partner if he would miss one session so he could be there whilst son opened his presents. He said no he’s not missing it end of.

It’s caused quite a row. Aibu to think that he can miss one session a year for a child’s birthday? I feel like I’m probably just being over sensitive and owe him an apology but it’s really grated on me. Please shake some sense into me Blush

OP posts:
IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 16/07/2019 00:30

You dont need any sense shaking into you lovely.

You sound like a lovely mother. Your partner is not playing fair Thanks

raspberryk · 16/07/2019 00:30

Your DH is being a selfish prick.

VodkaRevelation · 16/07/2019 00:31

Of course you’re not being unreasonable. Why wouldn’t he want to be there when your son opens his presents? I’d be really cross if my husband prioritised a hobby over important family events.

Iwrotethissongfor · 16/07/2019 00:31

YANBU - I’d be pissed off that he didn’t want to be home for presents and that he said it wasn’t up for discussion. It’s just a hobby for free time, what is with some people (men?) that think hobby time is sacrosanct and prioritise it so oddly?

Catinthetwat · 16/07/2019 00:33

Wow, doesn't he want to see his son open his presents?

Or was he expecting everyone to wait for him? Either way, yanbu.

Expressedways · 16/07/2019 00:34

YANBU. Unless this is a team activity where he’ll be letting others down then I don’t get it in the slightest. Does he not miss the hobby on occasion e.g. if you’re on holiday, if he needs to go into work early? Your poor DS Sad

chzarind · 16/07/2019 00:35

YANBU. He should want to be there.

blackteasplease · 16/07/2019 00:39

You are completely reasonable in everything except not telling us what the hobby is.

ChicCroissant · 16/07/2019 00:39

YANBU.

Original poster
Passmethemalibu · 16/07/2019 00:43

Nope not a team activity, not letting anyone down. The hobby takes priority over a lot of things but I didn’t think it would a birthday.

He basically said we can get up super early so he can open them before he leaves, do the presents without him or wait til after school. Regardless he is not missing the hobby.

I feel like I’m being unreasonable really as I already nagged him into booking the day off work. He initially didn’t want to and I had to nag quite a bit to get him to do it. I only did this as he works until 11pm and isn’t home til midnight every night so wouldn’t have seen ds at all which would have upset him. He had loads of annual leave left and no issue with booking the day off at all I just don’t think he could be bothered. I feel like I ‘won’ that so probably shouldn’t have got wound up over this.

I just think it’s once a year and surely it’s not much of a chore to focus on your child for a day. On their bloody birthday. I’m not one to get wound up over birthdays or make a fuss I don’t celebrate my own but the kids are surely different right?

OP posts:
Percypigparade · 16/07/2019 00:44

YAnbu. Problem is that even if he agrees now to miss the hobby, you know he didn't want to for himself he's been shamed into it. Sad

Iwrotethissongfor · 16/07/2019 00:45

I wouldn’t be interested in any argument about being team activity and letting others down. Let down people who do my hobby or my child hmmm no, in those circumstances you just plan ahead and give people notice in advance you won’t be there. It’s not difficult.

Original poster
Passmethemalibu · 16/07/2019 00:46

Sorry Grin. The hobby is just martial arts/ gym training. Absolutely nothing exciting or important that it can’t be missed.

OP posts:
dontfluffthefluffer · 16/07/2019 00:48

Yanbu. He is being a selfish shit.

McShakey · 16/07/2019 00:49

YANBU he’s being extremely selfish

PrincessFiorimonde · 16/07/2019 00:51

But if he's taking the day off work, why can't he go to the gym later that morning, while DS is at school?

Iwrotethissongfor · 16/07/2019 00:52

OP, sad to see that update, he sounds selfish and disinterested. Get up super early on your bday to accommodate my non essential activity for my own pleasure or else open them without me cos it’s not important to me? There’s a lot you can justify and overlook in a partner but disinterest in your lovely wee son is not one of them. Is this and the self importance a common theme? 😞

Original poster
Passmethemalibu · 16/07/2019 00:59

He apparently can’t go any later as they’re personal trainer sessions at a certain time. I’ve asked this before when I’ve been poorly and asked if he can do the school run then go and have been met with a resounding no it’s has to be at x time!

It’s a reoccurring theme with the hobby. He enjoys it. It’s important to him fine. I’ve never had a problem or stopped him going but it just seems to come before everything and anything.

Glad to see others agree with me. I was about to go apologise!

OP posts:
pallisers · 16/07/2019 01:03

but it just seems to come before everything and anything.

It doesn't "seem to" it does come before everything else.

Think about it. He sounds monumentally selfish and self-centered.

WomanLikeMeLM · 16/07/2019 01:15

Will it not be the school holidays? Either way your DH is a prick, i would keep your DC off school for the day and go enjoy the day without your selfish other half!

bpirockin · 16/07/2019 01:16

YANBU - not at all. He helped to create a life, and that life deserves to be recognized, appreciated and nurtured. That is his task as well as yours, and I hope that he comes to understand that, before your DS realises how selfish his own father is.

He won't miss one session for a birthday that will never happen again, and share a special time with your son? Unless I'm missing something he needs a kick up the arse, and reminding that he is part of a family and his being there would make all the difference.

If he really can't be arsed to be there may I suggest that you make a life size cardboard cut-out and feature it heavily in a bunch of photos so at least your son might find a way to laugh about it.

What sort of man can't be bothered to show his own child that he's glad he was born, and share his special day once a flaming year?!?

Poor boy, I feel sorry for him to not be made to feel like a priority by him, even on his special day :-( It isn't the same, but thank goodness he has a Mum who gives a toss!

BlackCatSleeping · 16/07/2019 01:17

You were about to apologize? Shock

This isn’t normal, OP.

As you said, he isn’t interested. You can’t force him to care. Sad

BoronationStreet · 16/07/2019 01:18

Your DH is an appallingly selfish twat. YANBU.

Rachelle11 · 16/07/2019 01:23

How old is ds? If you dh booked the day off work why not just keep ds home too and do something special? Will you be off work during the day too?

greenlynx · 16/07/2019 01:26

YANBU .Open presents without him.
Actually I’m more concerned that he refused to do the school run when you’re poorly.