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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have asked partner to miss his hobby?

241 replies

Passmethemalibu · 16/07/2019 00:28

Okay I didn’t think I was being unreasonable but I’m starting to think I might have been so I’d be interested to hear other opinions.

Partner does a hobby every Monday and Thursday morning meaning he leaves before the kids get up for school.

It’s sons birthday next week and he wanted to open his presents in the morning before school with us. All good.

I asked partner if he would miss one session so he could be there whilst son opened his presents. He said no he’s not missing it end of.

It’s caused quite a row. Aibu to think that he can miss one session a year for a child’s birthday? I feel like I’m probably just being over sensitive and owe him an apology but it’s really grated on me. Please shake some sense into me Blush

OP posts:
BoomBoomsCousin · 16/07/2019 06:55

If it's a personal trainer session, does he lose money if he misses it?

If so I can see why that might make him reluctant to miss, but some of the scenarios you describe, especially this one, should easily trump the cost of the session (and if they don't the session costs far too much).

LannieDuck · 16/07/2019 06:57

I would stand my ground on the illness days rather than this. Your DS can open his presents and your DH will miss it. Will DS really care?

But the days you're ill are a big problem. The order of importance should go health -> work -> family time -> hobby (maybe with family time before work...). Working that extra morning shift should absolutely have come before his hobby, and lying in bed ill should definitely come first.

Maybe you should make him get up to do a school run next time he's ill? Selfish git.

PS I do martial arts. Of course he can miss a session.

SparklesandFlowers · 16/07/2019 06:57

Have him be the one to tell your son he won't be there to see him open his presents. Don't make excuses for him and don't let him get away without seeing his son's face when he says that he's got to train rather than see him open his presents.

What a knob.

My dad was away for my tenth birthday, unavoidably, and I've never let him forget it, in a jokey way. If it had been his choice not to be there I'd have been heartbroken.

cakecakecheese · 16/07/2019 06:58

I'd be very concerned about where you and the children are in his list of priorities, not to mention how selfish he's being, I mean the birthday is bad enough, but refusing to budge when you were ill is really not on.

be47 · 16/07/2019 07:02

If it's a personal trainer type thing you normally have to pay if you cancel at short notice - he's clearly being a dick for not cancelling earlier, but might cost you to do it now

Peanutbuttericecream · 16/07/2019 07:07

Honestly some of what is said on here hmm....you say to your child Daddy has his gym stuff that he goes to in the morning and can't miss so we will as a family open presents and cards all together tonight. Son is going to have this massive thing at school meanwhile. OP it's only twice a week and being a gym person I understand the reasons behind not wishing to miss a session.

Some of you Mums on MN are real ballbusters and as for palaver comment about leading to divorce - yes and it works two ways . No wonder we read about so much cheating on Relationships

Utter bollocks!

poopypants · 16/07/2019 07:09

OP, if he won't miss it when you are ill, then he has shown you very clearly where his priorities lie. If not when you are Ill, what would he consider more important than his hobby? What if you were in hospital? What if you (god forbid) died? Seriously? Ask him. What did he do when you were pregnant and when you just gave birth?

isitwhatitis · 16/07/2019 07:11

He is an unreasonable idiot who needs to get his priorities right. What is this hobby?

Rosielily · 16/07/2019 07:12

@poopypants I suspect he made he book in for an elective C Section so he wouldn't have to miss his hobby.....

herculepoirot2 · 16/07/2019 07:16

What a wad.

Chloemol · 16/07/2019 07:18

@TheStuffedPenguin didn’t you read all the post? He won’t be home until 11pm, do you really think a 7 year old should wait until then to open presents! If gym is that important why didn’t he change the date and time if his session this once?

The poor child is 7 one missed session shouldn’t hurt daddy. He should sometimes put his family first

SouthernComforts · 16/07/2019 07:24

He doesn't sound like he cares about you or the kids at all. He's a dick.

SignedUpJust4This · 16/07/2019 07:26

And he wouldn't even see him in the evening? What an absolute selfish bellend. I'd be telling him that he's a shitty shitty dad for not making a fuss of his son on his birthday.

avocadochocolate · 16/07/2019 07:32

YANBU. I didn't hesitate to miss by normal gym class which I never ever miss for my DC's birthday. I kind of know how your DH feels - he probably thinks it's vital to keep up the momentum. However he can obviously afford to miss a training session now and again. It is easy to lose perspective when you are committed to your training.

thethoughtfox · 16/07/2019 07:33

It doesn't seem to come before everything Every day your partner makes a choice to put his wants and desires above the needs and happiness of his family.

Bottledate · 16/07/2019 07:37

YANBU. Iwas really trying to think of a hobby that miiiiiight justify missing your child's birthday morning, but no. Finding out that it is going to the gym?? FFS.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 16/07/2019 07:53

Your husband is a selfish prick.

Cannot imagine my husband putting his hobby before a child or a sick adult in need of help (as he has done).

I'd be having serious words.

Fairenuff · 16/07/2019 08:01

He's checked out of the family OP. You are just the person who takes care of his children for him. The childminder. Sorry but this is not a partnership.

Rm2018 · 16/07/2019 08:04

What a dick

CitadelsofScience · 16/07/2019 08:11

I can't stand the bike and gym wanker brigade other hobbies are available who think their needs trump everyone else's.

I'd be furious if mine couldn't put his wife and child's needs before his on occasion, fortunately mine does put us first when needed.

Armadillostoes · 16/07/2019 08:13

He is a failure as a father and a life partner. He needs to he told how pathetic and selfish he is. Also, with some martial arts, his total lack of respect for others would be an insult to its whole ethos.

dootball · 16/07/2019 08:13

All these people saying it's just 1 session , but it's not it is.

I think he realises that once he starts to give in there will be more and more reasons why he has to miss sessions, so he's holding out so as not to start this.

It seems like by going early in the morning he is minimising the impact the vast majority of the time anyway.

(Not that I agree with him missing present opening)

Soubriquet · 16/07/2019 08:14

Sorry but I would be giving him an ultimatum now

Start prioritising family over hobby or leave.

Birthdays, sick days, work sessions for you should always come before his hobby

HopeIsNotAStrategy · 16/07/2019 08:19

Sorry OP, but he sounds more awful with every update. 🙁

BookwormMe2 · 16/07/2019 08:22

What a sad post, your poor little boy. Did he hear you rowing and his dad saying he wasn't going to change his plans?

I couldn't be with someone who so selfishly regarded his children and me. He doesn't care about your happiness and sounds like he never will.

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