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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to give my dc two MH days a year

350 replies

Codywolf · 15/07/2019 10:13

Hi
I was talking to my friend about how I give my secondary aged children two mental health days to use when they need a break
and she looked horrified

My dc cannot take the day off if there is a test or activity but otherwise can use them when they need to

So Aibu to allow them these days

OP posts:

doodlejump1980 · 15/07/2019 10:14

Brilliant idea. Wish more people were in touch with their kids’ mental health.

Sirzy · 15/07/2019 10:15

I think it’s odd to have a set amount like that.

I think if you can tell they are completely worn out for some reason then depending on circumstances it may be a good idea but I don’t like the idea of having them almost pre planned

Pinktinker · 15/07/2019 10:15

You mean like the weekend and school holidays?

Yellowweatherwarning · 15/07/2019 10:15

Haven't they already got 2 every week?
Saturday and Sunday....

SuzieQ10 · 15/07/2019 10:16

It's up to you as the parent I suppose. But I don't think I would, unless there was good reason such as anxiety, perhaps.
They already get over 13 weeks holiday a year to decompress.

wishiwasabettergardener · 15/07/2019 10:17

A bit odd for me.
I wouldn’t plan in any physical health days or mental health days.
If you’re ill, you’re ill, regardless of it being physical or mental?

PhantomErik · 15/07/2019 10:18

I don't have a problem with allowing a child a day off school if they are exhausted/stressed/struggling with something etc but surely that would be a judgement call at that moment rather than 2 days you could choose?

cocomelon23 · 15/07/2019 10:18

They get lots of time off already for school holidays and weekends. Why do they need more time off in the week?

Chloe9 · 15/07/2019 10:19

I wouldn't pre plan days like this but I do think mental health is a valid reason to take the occasional day off. But I would see it like any other sick day, and just let them stay home if they really need the rest.

stucknoue · 15/07/2019 10:19

No, in the real world we have commitments, kids have 13 weeks of holidays a year from school. If they are ill take time off but it's wholly unreasonable to teach kids it's ok to take time off unauthorised otherwise.

NC4Now · 15/07/2019 10:20

That’s a bit odd, yes.
If your child needs a day off for MH reasons then you let them take a day off, but don’t allocate them and tell them to use them!
Do you do the same with physical sick days? They are exactly the same thing in my book.
They should be encouraged to go to school whenever they are up to it.

lazylinguist · 15/07/2019 10:20

YABU. It seems totally pointless to allocate them a set number of days when you don't know if they'll need them at all or if they'll need more than those. If a child has a genuine MH crisis, they obviously need to be off school, because they are unwell, not because they've got MH days saved up.

Original poster

Codywolf · 15/07/2019 10:22

Thank you for the repiles

They all have great attentance and have good grades
I just feel it about them taking care of their own MH

Some years they haven't used any.

I thought most families had a similar approach now realising that it unusual

OP posts:

Stealthymcstealth · 15/07/2019 10:22

Was she surprised that you cut them some slack sometimes or that you give them a set amount of days?

I think most parents just use their best judgment as and when. This approach however isn't as easy to slip into conversation there by highlighting your amazing parenting

WildAngel · 15/07/2019 10:23

I thinks it's a bit OTT. You know your child and should know if they need a bit of time out. I'm a bit from the tough love school - the real world demands that you pull big knickers up and get on with it. Don't get me wrong, my job is within the mental health/therapy area so I wholly support the need to take care of your mental health, but I do not agree with it being a trend or excuse used lightly. Resilience is a life skill and makes you appreciate when you really need to put the brakes on

Floralnomad · 15/07/2019 10:23

I think it’s bizarre to actually label it MH day and allocate a number allowed . If your dc have MH issues then surely they need as many days off as necessary for them to be in a better place mentally .

Sparklingbrook · 15/07/2019 10:24

What do you do on these 2 days?

Bookworm4 · 15/07/2019 10:25

Eh? Do you have concerns for their MH? Sounds a bit precious, parents should teach their kids to be resilient and prepare for life not take unnecessary days off.

RB68 · 15/07/2019 10:26

this is what half term bank holidays and summer hols are for - you are being ridiculous

littlepaddypaws · 15/07/2019 10:27

so all the weekends and school holidays aren't included then to relax and wind down ? a real mh crisis would probably need more than one or two days off anyway.
it is very possible that too much social media isn't helping young people either, even if they have limited time on it, it's still discussed with friends, there is a lot of pressure on young people to look and conform a certain way. no wonder anxiety and depression is on the increase.

JacquesHammer · 15/07/2019 10:28

Totally with you OP, except I don't set an arbitrary limit.

DD has used one this year.

I think teaching children to acknowledge and take care of their mental health is a vital life skill.

Sciurus83 · 15/07/2019 10:29

No, most families don't have a similar approach. Kids get a lot of holidays, unless your kids have specific MH issues this seems unnecessary

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 15/07/2019 10:30

I think it's weird to have it as a set amount like that - if you felt that they needed, say, three days to take care of their mental health, would you give them the extra one or make them go into school? Similarly, why does it make a difference if they have a test in school that day or not? Surely if their mental health doesn't permit them to go into school, that is true whether there is a test or not?

Just like a physical health day off - would you say "I give my kids five days sick leave a year - if I feel they are too ill to go into school then I let them have up to five days off a year, as and when I feel they need them"? No, you wouldn't - you'd make the call on a case by case basis if you felt your kids were too sick to be in school. It wouldn't be a thing.

I suppose it sounds a bit...I don't know... like you don't ACTUALLY think this is a mental health day, just a fun indulgent day off you give your kids? Like "mental health day" in this context is code for "I let them skip school if I think they would enjoy a bit of a break and there aren't any major things they will miss". So in a way, it's a bit insulting to actual mental health issues - what you mean is 'duvet day' or 'holiday'.

Which is fine - they are your kids, you don't have to make them go to school if you don't think it benefits them - but dressing it up as a mental health day is a bit precious.

Dreamingofkfc · 15/07/2019 10:30

It's odd to have a set amount. It's great you are looking after their mental health but weird approach to it, almost assuming they will need them

CassianAndor · 15/07/2019 10:31

Don't they have 52 weekends a year and 13 weeks holiday?

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