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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to give my dc two MH days a year

350 replies

Codywolf · 15/07/2019 10:13

Hi
I was talking to my friend about how I give my secondary aged children two mental health days to use when they need a break
and she looked horrified

My dc cannot take the day off if there is a test or activity but otherwise can use them when they need to

So Aibu to allow them these days

OP posts:
BarbariansMum · 15/07/2019 11:30

Giving kids a random 2 skive days isn't exactly looking after their mental health or teaching them to do so though, is it?

arethereanyleftatall · 15/07/2019 11:31

This is such a stupid idea, I'm assuming it's a joke.
Of course it's not normal.
Good mental health is an ongoing process that started from day 1.

For sure, if there's an actual reason they need to take an extra day off, then I'll use my judgement there and then.

Unless there's a reason that you can't go for a walk in the woods, or do gardening, on a weekend, a school holiday, an inset day, or, in the 6 hours after school before bedtime every day.

I don't get how this would improve their mental health whatsoever.

CrunchTime0 · 15/07/2019 11:31

I think it’s reallt odd and no I wouldn’t do it

herculepoirot2 · 15/07/2019 11:31

I think a lot of adults extrapolate from their own experiences when it comes to MH. They’re stressed (unsurprisingly, given they have to work, pay the bills, look after kids, try to maintain some semblance of a healthy lifestyle) and they also have more baggage to carry, so they suggest to their children that they might also be very stressed. Actually, for a lot of young people, being young is great fun, and possibly the only time in their lives when anxiety and stress won’t be an issue. We should really be led by what our children are saying to us, not convincing them that the normal rough and tumble of life is something to fear.

LolaSmiles · 15/07/2019 11:32

bingbongnoise
Promoting mental health and wellbeing is something that feeds into all areas of life, including strategies for resilience and support for tough times. If someone is really struggling then they need time off and appropriate support.

Saying 'you've got 2 days to take off school to use how you like' isn't about mental health. It's about having a jolly couple of days off. It's good old fashioned letting the kids bunk off but rebranding it using more fashionable terms, which does nothing to help build awareness or real understanding of mental health.

Meanmate · 15/07/2019 11:32

They won’t get two MH days a year when they work OP, you know that right? I don’t think there is anything wrong with keeping an eye on MH as you would physical health, and determining fitness for school by that measure. But giving children a get out of jail free card for school is a bit weird. Why not just play their health by ear, like everyone else?

Stompythedinosaur · 15/07/2019 11:34

I think that you care for your dc's mental health by teaching emotional regulation and resilience, and providing an environment they can talk openly and explore their own identities, not by giving them the chance to skive off.

littlepaddypaws · 15/07/2019 11:35

looking after dc's mental health to my mind is not over taxing them with activities at the weekend or during the holidays, letting them pace themselves and making sure they get enough sleep with restrictions on social media at night.

JacquesHammer · 15/07/2019 11:37

They won’t get two MH days a year when they work OP, you know that right?

Please don't make statements like that as fact.

As far back as 2001-2006, the place I worked offered mental health days. I've since run several different types of business and we ALWAYS offer them (fully paid).

arethereanyleftatall · 15/07/2019 11:38

That's exactly it hercule.
For many kids (most?), there is zero stress and anxiety in their lives anyway. Why teach them to search for something negative when it isn't there?

IveNotSlept · 15/07/2019 11:38

It’s called 2 skiving days. Mental health days oh please. Unless they are actually ill they should be in school, they might miss something that comes up on their exams whilst skiving which costs them marks on their exams. I think I had 3 days off all through high school, I got a vomiting bug twice. My parent’s were tough, but it paid off given we got excellent exam results.

Unless they are mentally ill don’t dress your skiving days up as “mental health”.

JacquesHammer · 15/07/2019 11:40

looking after dc's mental health to my mind is not over taxing them with activities at the weekend or during the holidays, letting them pace themselves and making sure they get enough sleep with restrictions on social media at night

Is it an either/or though?

We do all the above with the exception of social media as she isn't quite old enough to be on it!

Alondra · 15/07/2019 11:41

I don't understand why will you give two days off to your kids calling them "mental health" when they are not sufferers.

Would you give your kids a couple of "diabetes days" or "cancer days" because you think they need a break?

You are making a mockery of MH issues. Shame on you.

JacquesHammer · 15/07/2019 11:41

I think I had 3 days off all through high school, I got a vomiting bug twice. My parent’s were tough, but it paid off given we got excellent exam results

Congratulations Confused

I had no days off throughout my school career from 4 to 18. Absolutely zero. It isn't because my parents were "tough", its because I was very lucky to be incredibly healhy and never needed time off. I knew absolutely that should I need some time I would have been allowed it.

TapasForTwo · 15/07/2019 11:41

How old are your children?

When DD was doing GCSEs and A levels it would have stressed her more to miss a day of school due to worrying about the work she would have missed.

"I thought most families had a similar approach now realising that it unusual"

TBH I have never come across this before. Maybe you need to structure their week so that they get more proper downtime when they aren't at school.

I would love to hear some teachers' points of view on this.

ritzbiscuits · 15/07/2019 11:42

Seems a bit odd to me. If needed they should have plenty of time at weekends/during school holidays to have downtime.

Isn't this teaching them to expect the same when they go into the workplace as adults? Sick days, duvet days etc?

If there is a problem address it as and when the time comes, but having an allowance of MH days seems a bad precedence to set.

Fink · 15/07/2019 11:42

My dd has actual mental health problems. She hasn't yet missed a day off school with this, we've been dealing with it in other ways. If she really needed it, I would let her stay home just as I would for a physical health problem. It betrays an astonishing lack of awareness of mental health issues that you would consider needing to relax when you're a bit tired/burnt out/stressed to be a 'mental health day'.

If, for some reason, your dc need an occasional day off school even when they are not physically ill, that's your call. But yavvu to call this a 'mental health day'.

SuperSara · 15/07/2019 11:42

Resilience is a brilliant skill to learn, and one which I think, sadly, a lot of kids aren't being taught.

I agree.

Not giving in to (mildly) tough times and a bit of tiredness is an invaluable attribute for children to develop.

Notwithstanding awful circumstances like @Awaywiththefairies27 described, of course, but that's way beyond what I think OP is talking about here.

Proteinshakesandovieshat · 15/07/2019 11:43

OP you have given it a label to make it sound more justifiable. It's that, that people are raising their eyebrows at.

Up to a couple of times a year, you let your kids have days off if you feel they need it.

Lots if people do this. It's not really a mental health it's a day off to chill out.

Calling them mental health days, makes it feel far more dramatic.

I would consider though, why they dont feel the holidays and weekends are enough time to chill. Are the weekends busy, or is it something unavoidable.

Surely if you were doing because their mental health is the main importance, it wouldnt matter what was happening that day. If you really felt going in that day would damage their mental health, you wouldnt send them?

PurpleCrazyHorse · 15/07/2019 11:44

My kids don't go to school when they're too unwell to be there, whether that's through mental health or other reasons.

YABVU to call them 'Mental Health Days' and propose 2 days a year. I actually think they are 1-2-1 duvet days with you, where you enjoy relaxed time with your kids individually. If you want to do that then fine, but don't call them mental health days.

MilesJuppIsMyBitch · 15/07/2019 11:44

I think it sounds great OP.

I have MH issues, & I don't think it's insulting. (In fact, I think that those who say it is are on some slightly bizarre virtue-signalling trip. A persons life-choices are not automatically a judgment on someone else's).

Both my children have issues with anxiety which impact on their day-to-day life, and I think an idea like this could be a great part of the tool-kit for helping them to manage.

Having a fun MN bingo session on this thread. 'Snowflakes'. 'Mollycoddling'.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 15/07/2019 11:45

Why 2? Confused

Mental health is just the same as physical health. If you’re sick you’re sick so you don’t go to school. Do you stipulate your DC can have 2 sick day so a year and can take them when they need them? No, you don’t, you just take each day as it arrives and if you’re child wakes up ill you keep them home. Why wouldn’t you just have the same approach for mental health?

BrokenWing · 15/07/2019 11:46

So what do you do when they are struggling but have already used up their allotted 2 days that year when they fancied some time out of school for whatever reason?

If you think your child has MH challenges deal with them appropriately depending on the cause, help them find solutions and only use days off only if really required. If they don't have MH issues, then no need for preallocated "MH" days. They only spend maximum of 190 days in school (in Scotland), they have 175 days not in school to walk in the woods and have baths to their hearts content.

unfortunately I am not surprised that you do this as I am aware of other parents doing this too. ds(15) tells me about friends whose mums let them off school if they are "finding it too much", they coordinate the days off (1-2 a term), laughing behind their parents backs, and they get to spend yet another day gaming with friends and nothing is done to get to the root of their made up problems as they are suddenly all ok after their days off so it must be working Hmm.

Meanmate · 15/07/2019 11:47

Jacques I’m not sure where you worked but I have worked my entire career With and around HR for thousands of business and never has anyone given ‘MH days’. This is not the norm.

RedSkyLastNight · 15/07/2019 11:47

They come over as skive days because you say they can't take a MH day if they have a test or activity. If they need time off for MH issues, then they need time off, they are not miraculously fine to go in because there is a test ...