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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to give my dc two MH days a year

350 replies

Codywolf · 15/07/2019 10:13

Hi
I was talking to my friend about how I give my secondary aged children two mental health days to use when they need a break
and she looked horrified

My dc cannot take the day off if there is a test or activity but otherwise can use them when they need to

So Aibu to allow them these days

OP posts:
avalanching · 17/07/2019 12:21

@EatSleepWine that is for workers. I'd be interested to know how teachers would find this sustainable if all their pupils were entitled to a set number of MH days at their choosing.

Dungeondragon15 · 17/07/2019 12:24

I totally disagree with that blog EatSleepWine. Public sector workers already get fairly generous annual leave and sick pay and if they are experiencing mental health problems I don't see what difference a couple of extra days would make.

EatSleepWine · 17/07/2019 12:43

It may well be for workers but it is a real thing!

Disagree away. This is a debate, after all?

EatSleepWine · 17/07/2019 12:44

And ... hold onto your handbags ... I don’t give a monkey’s about the teachers think! Sick days are sick days.

JumpingJaneFlash · 17/07/2019 12:49

@Codywolf you know your children better than anyone. If they a need break, you let them have one. That’s it.

LolaSmiles · 17/07/2019 12:50

I don’t give a monkey’s about the teachers think! Sick days are sick days.
I'm a teacher and agree sick days are dick days, be it physical or mental health.

I also think bunking off days are skiving and calling them something twee and fashionable to gain cool parent points doesn't change that fact.

JacquesHammer · 17/07/2019 12:53

I'm a teacher and agree sick days are dick days

Well that could be a new Ofsted slogan Grin

bellinisurge · 17/07/2019 12:53

I have my daughter's back. I will be the judge of whether she has mental health issues that can only be resolved by a day off school. Or whether there are better ways of tackling it including discussion with the school.
No free pass just on the off chance.

Somersetlady · 17/07/2019 12:56

As an employer this sounds like you are setting your children up for a hard awakening when they get into the real world.

Dungeondragon15 · 17/07/2019 13:08

It may well be for workers but it is a real thing!

It's not a "real thing" just because someone had written a blog saying that they think it is a good idea. It would be real if public sector workers actually were given a couple of "mental health" days each year. Their employers would probably argue that they were given days off in the form of annual leave and calling it a "mental health day" rather than annual leave makes no difference to mental health so a bit pointless.

HeadintheiClouds · 17/07/2019 13:23

This is why nonsense like gender reveal parties and two week long hen do’s catch on so quickly - one person does it, another persons hears about them doing it and runs around screaming “it’s a real thing!!” and a shower of other lemmings follow suit.
It’s not a fucking thing.

FelicisNox · 17/07/2019 13:30

As someone who suffers from mental health issues and 2 children who also have issues, no, YANBU at all.

If you haven't experienced it, you don't get it and there are a LOT of people on this thread making scathing comments because they just DON'T GET IT. But I dare say they won't be told.

They are the same folks who will be bewildered when their children develop problems, either at school or Uni and will have no idea what went wrong.

Yes, children have lots of holiday but as they get older, the academic pressure can be unbearable and children crack more easily than you may think: factor in any other health problems, problems at home (your kids DO notice if you're not getting on with your partner or are having problems at work) or sustained bullying and you would be surprised how quickly they go downhill.

I don't factor days in as such but I keep my eye on them and pull them if necessary and truthfully it won't be more than 2 days a year.

I just say something like "you're looking a bit run down, are you ok?"

If they're not ok, they will normally say they have a headache or tummy ache (often they don't know what's wrong and just offer one of those as a suitable excuse) and I give them the benefit of the doubt and a duvet day.... your children can only abuse this if you're not on the ball and that's not an issue in my house.

Are the aware they have leeway? No.

Do they know they can tell me if they're feeling "off"?

Absolutely.

Some of you need to educate yourselves... mental health problems increasing and you wouldn't send a child to school with a high temp/vomiting so why would you send your child if they were having a crisis?

Dandelion1993 · 17/07/2019 13:30

No way!

There is the weekends and school holidays.

Term time is for school, to learn and progress.

HeadintheiClouds · 17/07/2019 13:34

Some of you need to educate yourselves. No, dear. Just because we’re not on board with this sort of nonsense doesn’t mean we’re not on the ball regarding how our children are faring, in any way.
Or that we’re not dealing with any problems completely appropriately.
Feck off with your patronising crap

Kazzyhoward · 17/07/2019 13:53

No, dear. Just because we’re not on board with this sort of nonsense doesn’t mean we’re not on the ball regarding how our children are faring, in any way.

Well said. If my son is genuinely "sick", whether physically or mentally, he gets a sick day. If he just fancies a day off because he's a bit tired, stressed or whatever, then he gets his ass into school and told to get on with it.

Funny thing is, that when he's been whinging in the morning about not being fit to go to school for spurious reasons, he always comes home after school and has completely forgotten about his "ailments", in fact usually had a good day.

And people wonder where the term "snowflake generation" came from.

JacquesHammer · 17/07/2019 13:55

And people wonder where the term "snowflake generation" came from

Not really, I do wonder about people who use it though

HeadintheiClouds · 17/07/2019 14:10

What do you wonder, Jacques?

MadMadaMim · 17/07/2019 16:12

"I thought most families had a similar approach now realising that it unusual"

Really? Doubtful and not sure why you'd say this when it seems you didn't think this. If you did, then why ask???

Do your children have mental health issues? If they do - why are you limiting/dictating/restricting their needs? Surely a person with mental health issues should be able to address those issues as and when they need to whether that's one day or 100 days.

If your children really have mental health issues that result in time off school, you wouldn't have such a rule and wouldn't have made this insensitive post.

Mental health issues are a very real daily challenge for some children. Belittling that in this way is misguided, at best, and to some - highly insensitive and offensive.

If your kids have issues - work with the school. Find a solution that works for everyone.

2 MH days per year. This probably means 'duvet days' which means 'can't be arsed days'.

If you want to give your children 2 extra days off in addition to the 2 days per week, one/two weeks every 6 weeks and 6 week summer break, then do so. Just don't call it mental health days

JustMe70 · 17/07/2019 17:12

Absolutely agree @madmadamim, mental health isn’t dealt with by two random days off, the OP really should call them what they are which is duvet/can’t be arsed days. I fear for future generations if this truly becomes a ‘thing’, it’s frightening!

IsobelRae23 · 17/07/2019 17:29

How can you ‘plan 2 mental health days?’ If they have mental health problem they will need days off and as many as needed when the issue arises. If they don’t have mental health issues, it’s just 2 days to skive with parents consent.

Kids get 2 days off a week, and 13 weeks holidays a year.

It’s children like this, that become the work colleagues who take random ‘sick’ days, and let the rest of their colleagues down.

I’m not dissing mental health problems, I have bipolar and GAD, but don’t use it as a excuse for your kids skiving, that is disrespectful to those who do have mental health problems, and try their best to be at school and work, even when they are not 100%.

Lweji · 17/07/2019 18:07

As someone who suffers from mental health issues and 2 children who also have issues, no, YANBU at all.

But in the OP's case there are no issues. It's just random days.

Much better to monitor them regularly and ensure they are not overwhelmed by academic and other demands, IMO.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 17/07/2019 18:43

Some of you need to educate yourselves... mental health problems increasing and you wouldn't send a child to school with a high temp/vomiting so why would you send your child if they were having a crisis?

Literally nobody on this thread has said that they wouldn't allow time off for DC who are experiencing a genuine Mental Health crisis. That's not what the OP is talking about though. She's talking about completely healthy DC being given two extra days off a year because they fancy having a rest, which is absolutely not the same thing at all.

Kenny33 · 17/07/2019 19:12

@Codywolf @JacquesHammer

Good for you, totally agree it’s vital to teach kids to value and look after their mental health. Not sure I’d prescribe a set amount, maybe just when needed.

@Bookworm4 resilience is important but taking care of your mental health isn’t just about resilience, in fact I think that’s a worrying attitude to have.

BitchQueen90 · 17/07/2019 19:30

I wouldn't let my DS have days off just because he was feeling worn down, that's what weekends are for. I would never take a day off work for that kind of thing myself.

If he were suffering with his MH then that would be another issue entirely. I don't think a day off school would solve a real MH crisis.

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