Aibu to give my dc two MH days a year

[Codywolf]

Hi
I was talking to my friend about how I give my secondary aged children two mental health days to use when they need a break
and she looked horrified

My dc cannot take the day off if there is a test or activity but otherwise can use them when they need to

So Aibu to allow them these days

Resilience is a brilliant skill to learn, and one which I think, sadly, a lot of kids aren't being taught

I strongly agree with this, and so would my friend who works in the field of young people's mental health and spends a lot of her time trying to teach these young people how to cope with the normal stresses of life. Too many are convinced they have mental health problems when they really don't.

I'm on the fence about pre-planning a set number (in case it creates a 'must use' mentality) but I think it's a great idea.

I used to say I had tummy ache/a headache etc. and battle to be allowed to stay at home, whereas it would have been so much easier if I'd been allowed to say I needed a day off because I didn't feel up to going in for whatever reason. I would also have felt less anxious if I had the option (and probably wouldn't have used it very often if I knew it was open to me).

I do think @FineWordsForAPorcupine makes a valid point... I'd probably call it a 'duvet day' rather than a 'mental health' day if you'd make them go in if they had a special activity (actual mental health issues don't discriminate and often flare up around special events).

Why call mental health issues to being tired, exhausted, drained, fatigued, overworked etc..?

Mental illness like schizophrenia, Bordeline, Bipolar are too serious for some precious parents calling them MH days when their kids are tired and stressed because of school.

Just pull your fingers out of your asses. If your kids need a rest say so. It they are tired, say so. But don't effing call them MH days. It's discriminatory and makes a mockery of mental illness.

"On the days off which they never take on the same day we go for walks in the woods, gardening and sometimes they like to just relax in the bath for hours reading"

I had no idea that this was a "thing"

Obviously I mean specific days allocated for MH, not MH being a very important issue.

I agree with others that it seems a bit arbitrary to label 2 days for this. I agree in principle that children sometimes are too unwell to go to school - mentally not physically - but I would keep them off school for that as, if and when needed. Dd (9) had a day off last year for this. She had undergone a traumatic sudden illness , recovered and gone back to school fine. 2 months later it all seemed to catch up with her and she woke up crying and ‘sad’ - I kept her at home with me , we had a relaxed day and time to talk and she went back in the following day. Ds has never needed such a day off.
Long winded way of saying I guess i view it like a normal ‘sick’ day

I think that pre-allocating 2 mental health days is, as Ellisandra said, a kind of conspicuous right-on flag waving.

And as for “which they never take on the same day” 😂

I had no idea that this was a "thing"

It isn't, in the real world.

One of the problems with mental health stigma is that it's viewed as 'different' to physical health. If your children are genuinely suffering from poor mental health then it should be dealt with in the same way as if they were physically ill. There certainly shouldn't be a set amount of days, that's not how any illness works!
If you're talking about say workload getting on top of them and feeling stressed or anxious then a day off isn't going to fix that. You could instead be teaching them methods, strategies and resilience to deal with these things in the long term.

I think it also trivialises mental illness and adds to the stigma that genuinely mentally ill people face. Mental illness cannot be cured by taking 2 days off and going for a walk.
It really pisses me off when people talk about taking a MH day from school or work just because they fancy a day off to catch up on the ironing because some of us have to work despite having shit mental health. No wonder mental health issues aren't taken seriously enough.

What! They already have weekends and holidays, they go to school if well and if ill they don’t. Allowing them to have two days off a year is bonkers. Believe me when they get 8nto the real world of working no employer is going to allow that

It's called "the weekend " or "the school holidays ".

Fine if you can see they are getting a bit frazzled and need a breather, however, should be done ad hoc.

Surely stipulating the amount and the days which they CAN'T have one, defeats the purpose all together. In this case it's just a skive day surely?

Or at least don't tell them they have 2 specific days

What if they need 3 'mental health' days? Or 4? Do you tell them to suck it up because they've used their allowance?? My understanding of a mental health day would be that they're struggling to cope for some reason. I don't understand why you'd have a set, planned amount for that.

What happened to "it's OK not to be OK?" Not much of that going on here at all.

“It’s ok not to be ok”, but only for your annual allocation of two days and only on days when there isn’t a test or other important event scheduled?

I wouldn't have a set amount of days: it has to be more situational, part of a conversation about recognising and thinking about mental health on an ongoing basis, and talking about taking a day. Some years, they might need more, other years they might not need them at all. I'd be worried that they'd not feel able to ask for a third day when they really need it. Posters who say 'that's not the real world' should consider that it actually is offered in many posts. I get paid mandated leave for decomp, as do many of my colleagues. I spend the time sunning myself on a short getaway to my favourite villa. It's very beneficial and enables me to perform at my best: something my employer values... and yes, I also get holidays and weekends.

My parents gave me the odd day off from school every once in a while during primary school in particular. I was doing high school work and found the social stigma that carried overwhelming, and needed a break to be with adults. The school knew and agreed with the decision, it did a lot of good - yes, even one day. It didn't do me any harm, it made me less anxious, and I ended up with a PhD (with great attendance overall).

Our staff have duvet days/mental health days. Don't see why kids should be denied them. If they really can't face school because of exhaustion, I give them the day off. Attendance is over 95%, so don't see the problem.

The school I work at do this for primary and seniors. They have planned wellbeing days, usually at the end of term when the kids are worn out and playing up. They do all sorts of different activities and the kids choose which ones they want to do. The teachers also get involved and don’t work either, guess they need as much of a break as the kids.

I support it if the school run it, but not so sure just taking random days off is a good idea. Doesn’t really send a signal about how important it is to to go to work when you might not feel 100% but still able to go in and put a days work in.

Definitely call it wellbeing days not MH days though.

YANBU, especially if your kids otherwise have a good attendance and do well at school.

What happened to "it's OK not to be OK?" Not much of that going on here at all.

The point is that they clearly are okay, if the OP can specify that they don’t take the days when they have exams, that they don’t take them when the other one takes them, that nothing “important” is happening at school (as if the usual things that happen at school aren’t important). If the child wasn’t well enough to go to school and wanted to take one of their “mental health days”, but had an exam, what would the OP do then? Clearly she would keep them off. So it stands to reason that when she usually lets them take the day off for “mental health” on the basis that nothing important is happening, the child is actually fine.

2 days for MH? What if they need more? What if they don't need any?

Seems very wishy washy and 'right on dude' without actually being very useful.