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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL stuffing her face at ours

336 replies

jamiecooks · 14/07/2019 10:15

I probably ABU BUT MIL driving me mad! She never has any food at hers (pleads poverty but that's a whole other story) - came to ours the other day to look after our baby (we pay her for doing this despite SIL having 5 years of free child care) and basically chomped through almost a whole packet of chocolate hobnobs. They were in a tub in the corner of a cupboard so she also obviously went looking for them.

Previously she'd also been in my cupboard and helped herself to the posh chocs my DH had bought me for my birthday! After that, I started having to hide nice food but didn't get chance to this time as her coming to ours was unexpected - logistical reasons which DH organised without telling me.

She's also previously looked at financial documents in our house (I know because something had been left out and moved and she is very nosy by her own admittance) and I had been doing a tax return the other day so had left out my folders with all my statements/payslips etc in at top of stairs to put away - had I known she was coming I'd have put it all away but I didn't know and when I got home it was clear she had been looking at it as docs were popping out of folder which weren't before, specifically my pay slip so she now presumably knows what I earn

AIBU?

OP posts:

fedup21 · 14/07/2019 10:17

Pay for childcare elsewhere then she doesn’t need to be alone in your house.

EatingBreadAndHoney · 14/07/2019 10:17

Find other childcare then. You know she's going to poke around in your cupboards so don't give her the opportunity.

Orangeballon · 14/07/2019 10:18

Chocolate hobnobs are very addictive, she needs to eat while at your house, do you expect her to order in a takeaway?

Original poster

jamiecooks · 14/07/2019 10:19

We can't really afford alternative childcare though as we don't pay her what we'd pay for childcare elsewhere. I know we are getting a good deal on that (though SIL didn't have to pay at all and didn't provide nappies, wipes, food etc whereas we send DC with everything he needs)

So I guess I just have to suck it up and seethe quietly

OP posts:

Somersetlady · 14/07/2019 10:20

The food wouldn't bother me but i would be looking for alternative childcare of she was rifling through private documents.

Original poster

jamiecooks · 14/07/2019 10:20

No I don't expect her get a takeaway but I am annoyed at the fact she ate almost a whole packet - she was only here for 2 hours before taking DC to hers

OP posts:

missyB1 · 14/07/2019 10:21

Look you know she’s nosy so don’t leave private documents on display. But please don’t be mean about a packet of bloody hobnobs! Just get some treats in for her when she’s going to babysit.

Somersetlady · 14/07/2019 10:21

Get a lock for a room in your house and keep anything you don't want her to see in the locked room?

BertrandRussell · 14/07/2019 10:22

Lock documents away. But chocolate biscuits? Blimey......

Northernparent68 · 14/07/2019 10:22

I think these are three issues, the biscuits is nt a big deal, eating your chocolates is bad and reading your financial documents is appalling.

Somersetlady · 14/07/2019 10:23

If you are getting discounted childcare add the cost of the Hobnobs to the childcare and divide by two for the rate you are paying her as if she had brought her own hobnobs along. Is it still cheaper than paying a childcare professional? If ao you are still onto a winner —once you’ve hidden all your personal stuff—

Tableclothing · 14/07/2019 10:23

Packet of hobnobs is pretty cheap as childcare costs go.

Could your MIL be having financial difficulties?

Wintersnowdrop · 14/07/2019 10:23

When I used to pay babysitters or was part of a babysitting circle , I always used to buy nice snacks for them to eat and leave them out and say help yourself. Sadly my mum never babysat for me, always used to say, I’ve not come to babysit , I’ve come to see you.🙄 and my mother in law lived to far away to babysit really, although she did babysit occasionally.
I would either pay a babysitter, join a babysitting circle, or buy her some snacks for when she’s babysitting for you.

Tweetingmagpie · 14/07/2019 10:23

God it’s a pocket of biscuits, not even a packet because you said almost!!

The snooping I can understand being annoyed at though.

I think you need to be less stingy with food.

Original poster

jamiecooks · 14/07/2019 10:23

Good idea re lock. Yes, I knew I was BU re biscuits. I think it was also after the chocs - I do think that's not ok to help yourself to posh chocs - a bar of dairy milk etc fine but not posh chocs.

But maybe you're right, the way forward is to get her treats in (though I have done this before and she's said she doesn't want them) so she doesn't then eat all the stuff I'm saving!

OP posts:

Billben · 14/07/2019 10:24

I wonder what replies were you expecting to your post when the answer is obvious. Either pay somebody else for your childcare or hide everything in sight you don’t want her to see or eat when she comes around. But then again, maybe the “Ooh, the nosey, greedy bitch. You poor thing” replies are the ones you were after.

Original poster

jamiecooks · 14/07/2019 10:25

And yes, I think I do need to be less stingy with food!!!

I am BVU

OP posts:

Chilledout11 · 14/07/2019 10:26

You obviously cannot stand her so why have her over. You can't have it e everyway.

Billben · 14/07/2019 10:29

You are feeling hard done by because your SIL gets her help for free but she’s charging you. That’s the root of your problem, isn’t it? 😀

Usingmyindoorvoice · 14/07/2019 10:30

I hope you thanked her for looking after your children, even if it cost you 75p/ hour in biscuits
You are bonkers, but I suspect you know that

Singlenotsingle · 14/07/2019 10:30

How much does a packet of chocolate hobhobs cost? £1? Can't you afford it? And I don't really understand why people are so secretive private regarding finances. My ddil leaves all her private papers on her kitchen table. I don't look because I'm not interested, but she doesn't care.

I think there's more going on here. You seem to resent your MIL. She's human, imperfect as people are - even you.

bordellosboheme · 14/07/2019 10:30

Well eating a whole pack of hobnobs is not the end of the world. Do you leave her anything to eat and drink whilst she's there looking after your child. A sandwich or some fruit and snacks? If not YABVU

Oddbins · 14/07/2019 10:31

I'd hate someone rifling through my stuff too.

The chocs would bother me the biscuits wouldn't.

It's not pleasant to have to let people have free run in your home if you can't trust them but you have to do it in this case.

It's one of those times when you just have to be organised and move everything you don't want seen or eaten away. Perhaps a biscuit tin left out would help?

cranstonmanor · 14/07/2019 10:32

I do think that's not ok to help yourself to posh chocs

I think you should calculate how much money she is saving you per month, and then get her the nicest chocolates you can afford. You are really mean, you want someone working for you for free (which is what childcare is) but they can't eat some posh chocolates? You should be ashamed of yourself.

LemonSqueezy0 · 14/07/2019 10:32

You mention the sil getting a better deal couple of times, so that may be clouding your judgement a bit, making the biscuits, for example, seem like the worst infraction in the world. If that was my MIL I'd say jokingly "blimey you ploughed through those biscuits, you must've had the munchies?!" I'd mention the chocolates too, as they were a gift, and potentially ask for a new box, giving her the old unfinished box to take home ' I see you were tempted by the posh chocs DH got me, so you should have this box. I Can't wait to try them myself when you replace them, what was your favourite?"

In relation to the paperwork, some people are just born nosy. I'd be annoyed at myself for leaving it out tbh, even though the visit was unplanned. But ask yourself what you are really worried about? Does her knowing what you earn bother you? Does it impact on anything? Perhaps she offered your sil free babysitting as you and your DH earn more?

It may be time to suck it up, or get outside, more professional help, for your own sanity, if nothing else!

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