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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL stuffing her face at ours

336 replies

jamiecooks · 14/07/2019 10:15

I probably ABU BUT MIL driving me mad! She never has any food at hers (pleads poverty but that's a whole other story) - came to ours the other day to look after our baby (we pay her for doing this despite SIL having 5 years of free child care) and basically chomped through almost a whole packet of chocolate hobnobs. They were in a tub in the corner of a cupboard so she also obviously went looking for them.

Previously she'd also been in my cupboard and helped herself to the posh chocs my DH had bought me for my birthday! After that, I started having to hide nice food but didn't get chance to this time as her coming to ours was unexpected - logistical reasons which DH organised without telling me.

She's also previously looked at financial documents in our house (I know because something had been left out and moved and she is very nosy by her own admittance) and I had been doing a tax return the other day so had left out my folders with all my statements/payslips etc in at top of stairs to put away - had I known she was coming I'd have put it all away but I didn't know and when I got home it was clear she had been looking at it as docs were popping out of folder which weren't before, specifically my pay slip so she now presumably knows what I earn

AIBU?

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 14/07/2019 11:33

People only use the phrase 'stuffing their face' about people they don't like.

Chocolate Hobnobs are engineered to be moreish and there is something about babysitting in someone else's home that does bring on the 'babysitting munchies' - plus a sense of freedom from your own everyday and an enjoyment of novelty (I may be projecting my own teenage babysitting experience here!).

Financial documents is a whole other kettle of fish. Get a safe, or locked filing cabinet.

WhenOneFacePalmDoesntCutIt · 14/07/2019 11:34

yes a few biscuits you might expect to lose, but eating an entire packet of hobnobs is very out of order. And the posh chocs too.

Grin Grin Grin

how tight are you! And what do you actually leave out for your baby-sitter or anyone to use?

HorseyMamma · 14/07/2019 11:35

In a way I think you are both being unreasonable.

  1. I think it is polite to either leave food or say - help your self to X,Y,Z if someone is going to be in your house helping you out. Instant boundaries and no hangry baby sitter.
  1. It IS rude of her to take things without asking or at least saying that she's helped herself/offering to replace. This could be averted by step 1.
  1. Snooping through other people's financial affairs is not on at all. You wouldn't read someone else's post, and actually I don't think you should have to lock things away. There are just things that are off limits.
PuppyMonkey · 14/07/2019 11:36

So all the people here criticising OP for being annoyed, if you were babysitting in someone else’s house, you’d think nothing of going through their fridge and cupboards and helping yourself to whatever you fancy without asking? You’d all think that was acceptable behaviour?

Okay....

Socksontheradiator · 14/07/2019 11:36

It would irritate me tbh. YANBU.
If I couldn't help myself and ate nearly all their biscuits I'd buy them some more

Passthecherrycoke · 14/07/2019 11:37

I’m almost impressed at someone eating an entire pack of hob knobs

NoSauce · 14/07/2019 11:38

I can’t believe the people saying it would annoy them. When we’ve had someone babysit we would leave them chocolate/crisps or a pizza to put in the oven or money for a takeaway.

One packet of chocolate hobnobs? Mind bogglingly mean.

PuppyMonkey · 14/07/2019 11:43

One packet of hobnobs placed in a tub in the corner of a closed kitchen cupboard, you mean. You’d have gone in and just helped yourself would you, NoSauce? Confused

AlaskanOilBaron · 14/07/2019 11:46

I’m almost impressed at someone eating an entire pack of hob knobs

Me too, they are incredibly dense (and not very good, IMO) but how much could they actually cost? I think they're less than a pound? Surel you'd expect that a babysitter might eat a pound's worth of food when working in your home?

I'd be incandescent over the financial documents, but they should be filed away.

Teacakeandalatte · 14/07/2019 11:46

Some of these things are annoying but what do you mean when you say she pleads poverty? Is she genuinely hard up right now, does she really need the money you are paying her? Is she eating properly? I'm not saying she is not getting enough food but if she is eating cheap food that can lead to filling up on cheap carbs and that can lead to some bingeing on snacks. I know one time I was eating a lot of carby food like toast and potatoes and I would end up bingeing on biscuits which is what made me think of this.
I think if my MiL acted this way I would be a bit concerned about her.

ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 14/07/2019 11:47

My biscuit rules (for me/DC):
1 biscuit = normal
2 biscuits = oh go on then
3 biscuits = verging on greedy
Whole packet = face-stuffing!

The above are for a 1-hour visit; allowances double for a 2-hour visit Grin face-stuffing is still face-stuffing though!!

ReturnofSaturn · 14/07/2019 11:48

Wow I really could not care less if my parents ate a full pack of biscuits while babysitting for me.

Think yourself lucky that you even have family who can babysit for you!

If my parents were able to babysit for me they could eat the entire contents of the fridge for all I would care!!

AlaskanOilBaron · 14/07/2019 11:48

So all the people here criticising OP for being annoyed, if you were babysitting in someone else’s house, you’d think nothing of going through their fridge and cupboards and helping yourself to whatever you fancy without asking? You’d all think that was acceptable behaviour?

I've always expected that babysitters help themselves to snacks around the house. Most adults don't go five or eight hours without having a snack.

Whatsforu · 14/07/2019 11:48

What a horrible phrase stuffing her face!!! It was some biscuits!! Tbh it is coming accross loud and clear that you despise her but she's good enough for cheap childcare Hmm. Get alternative childcare then it will free up her time and she isint in your house alone, win, win.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 14/07/2019 11:49

I agree with @puppymonkey MIL is being rude. Just because she's in their house doesn't mean she can hope herself to whatever she likes. Or are you all saying you would go to your daughters houses and eat a packet of biscuits without asking?

Maybe try saying what she can help herself to, l found that helped with mine. And l would say 'l know you've said you're nosey but would you mind leaving my financial.paperwork alone please?'

Nonnymum · 14/07/2019 11:51

Seems a bit mean if you begrudge her biscuits. I usually look for something to nibble on when I look after my dds children. I don't charge her for childcare though. But even if she had. A paid babysitter I'm sure she would tell her to help herself to food.
Looking at your financial info is a bit different but if you leave them out it might be difficult for her not to see them.

PuppyMonkey · 14/07/2019 11:52

It was two hours Alaskan.

BertrandRussell · 14/07/2019 11:52

“So all the people here criticising OP for being annoyed, if you were babysitting in someone else’s house, you’d think nothing of going through their fridge and cupboards and helping yourself to whatever you fancy without asking? You’d all think that was acceptable behaviour? ”

Not in a babysitter, no. In a member of my family? Yep- perfectly fine.

MardyMavis · 14/07/2019 11:53

It's a pack of biscuits ffs work out how much you are saving in childcare to how much a pack of hobnobs is....or a few choccies, let her have her hobnobs fuck sake.

Pinktinker · 14/07/2019 11:53

What do you expect her to eat? Do you leave her some specific items or do you expect her to bring her own?

Since you’re getting such a good deal on childcare I’d personally let a packet of hob nobs slide, they’re only a quid. Buy her some food and stop being a tight bugger or pay for actual childcare if you don’t want her in your house.

RubbingHimSourly · 14/07/2019 11:53

How much is a packet of hobnobs these days £1 ?

I think you need to get over yourself and stop taking people for granted. If you're that bothered pay proper rates for childcare.

I agree she shouldnt be going through your paperwork, that's a far bigger issue than scoffing a packet of cheap biscuits.

NoSauce · 14/07/2019 11:54

OP says MIL never has any food in and pleases poverty which maybe why she’s eating a packet of biscuits at her house. Surely it’s good manners to leave your babysitter some food/drink out anyway? We’re talking about one packet of biscuits here not the entire contents of her fridge!

ssd · 14/07/2019 11:54

All this crap about biscuits....
Does she live and care for your kids op? Is she letting you work by being paid a token amount rather than the usual childcare charges? Is she doing you and your hubby a massive favour?

If the answer to all these questions is yes then wind your neck in, drop the attitude and learn to be grateful.
If you don't want to do that, pay a nursery or childminder, like the rest of us.

Reallybadidea · 14/07/2019 11:55

Completely OT, but I'm so glad to see that I'm not the only person who has problems with "posh chocs". The threads around Christmas about "posh hot choc and snuggly PJs" also make me grind my teeth Grin

StrangeLookingParasite · 14/07/2019 11:55

Do you leave her anything to eat and drink whilst she's there looking after your child. A sandwich or some fruit and snacks?

Most adults don't go five or eight hours without having a snack.

She was there for two hours.

Many posters also seem to be missing that the last visit was without notice or knowledge of the OP, so documents were left out when they wouldn't normally be.

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