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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL stuffing her face at ours

336 replies

jamiecooks · 14/07/2019 10:15

I probably ABU BUT MIL driving me mad! She never has any food at hers (pleads poverty but that's a whole other story) - came to ours the other day to look after our baby (we pay her for doing this despite SIL having 5 years of free child care) and basically chomped through almost a whole packet of chocolate hobnobs. They were in a tub in the corner of a cupboard so she also obviously went looking for them.

Previously she'd also been in my cupboard and helped herself to the posh chocs my DH had bought me for my birthday! After that, I started having to hide nice food but didn't get chance to this time as her coming to ours was unexpected - logistical reasons which DH organised without telling me.

She's also previously looked at financial documents in our house (I know because something had been left out and moved and she is very nosy by her own admittance) and I had been doing a tax return the other day so had left out my folders with all my statements/payslips etc in at top of stairs to put away - had I known she was coming I'd have put it all away but I didn't know and when I got home it was clear she had been looking at it as docs were popping out of folder which weren't before, specifically my pay slip so she now presumably knows what I earn

AIBU?

OP posts:
TeachesOfPeaches · 14/07/2019 10:34

Why not have a packet of biscuits there for her to eat if you know she is coming over ?

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 14/07/2019 10:35

If you are going to continue having her over for childcare, then a) put all your personal documents somewhere secure b) get a stash of snacks in for her. If there are snacks on offer then she won’t need to go hunting through cupboards and it’s a relatively small concession to make.

LoisLittsLover · 14/07/2019 10:35

'Posh chocs'

Vom Envy - twee induced vomit

Sciurus83 · 14/07/2019 10:36

Wish my childcare only cost a packet of hobnobs

Yutes · 14/07/2019 10:36

Can she look after dc at her house?

luckygreeneyes · 14/07/2019 10:37

Not sure I’d grudge anyone in my house a £1 packet of hobnobs

WhenOneFacePalmDoesntCutIt · 14/07/2019 10:37

snooping is unacceptable
If you can't afford another arrangement, then you will have to stick with it, but it's just rude on her part. I cannot stand people like her, but sadly it's quite common.

SIL having free childcare has nothing to do with you - she's not your mum, leave your DH to deal with arrangements within his own family.

Eating a pack of biscuits? You are completely over-reacting Grin
What food and snack did you leave out for her whilst she was babysitting? Did you even ask what she wanted?
I pay my babysitters full whack and I feed them, it's basic manners.

FamilyOfAliens · 14/07/2019 10:38

Why are so many people ignoring the fact that the OP pays her MIL for the childcare?

It’s not just the cost of a packet of Hobnobs.

BertrandRussell · 14/07/2019 10:39

She pays her for child care- but can’t afford an alternative. So she doesn’t pay much.

AgileLass · 14/07/2019 10:40

We can't really afford alternative childcare though as we don't pay her what we'd pay for childcare elsewhere. I know we are getting a good deal on that (though SIL didn't have to pay at all and didn't provide nappies, wipes, food etc whereas we send DC with everything he needs)

But you said she came to your house (and ate your biscuits) - do you expect her to bring nappies, wipes and food with her to look after your child in your house? Confused

ilikepurple · 14/07/2019 10:40

Leave a load of docs hanging around with a note in the middle saying fuck off you nosey bitch....

BertrandRussell · 14/07/2019 10:41

“Leave a load of docs hanging around with a note in the middle saying fuck off you nosey bitch....”

Excellent plan. Hmm

Tigger365 · 14/07/2019 10:41

Going against the grain here OP. There would be murder if someone stole my chocolate hobnobs, especially if they were hidden and I might not know until I was desperate for one.

I would always say that full packets of anything are off limits, maybe that’s my mums influence ‘they’re for best’

OP said it was a bit of a rush, so didn’t get chance to hide everything away, though it’s VVVU for your MIL to snoop your private documents

Cherrysoup · 14/07/2019 10:41

Wish my childcare only cost a packet of hobnobs

Op clearly states she pays mil.

The chocolates is a very rude thing to do, very out of order. The snooping would get her a bollocking from me, that’s disgraceful.

Pipandmum · 14/07/2019 10:43

Some posters seem to have missed the fact you are paying her (not just in biscuits). As you know she’s nosey just keep your papers in a locked desk or filing cabinet - would only take a few seconds no matter how last minute the babysitting is.
Forget about comparing yourself to your sister in law’s free babysitting (though what’s your husband’s thought on this).
If your mother in law is taking good care of your child and it’s cheaper than normal childcare then count yourself lucky. And stop being so precious about the chocolates!

PrincessSarene · 14/07/2019 10:43

This would drive me mad as well. Fair enough if she eats some snacks if you’ve said help yourself. But there is no reason why she should be going through your paperwork!

Boysey45 · 14/07/2019 10:43

OP just lock your private documents away and buy some biscuits for MIl and put them in a special tin/container.Also get her some proper food in so she doesn't have to totally binge on biscuits.
If shes doing you a favour and is there a while she needs to eat obviously.

user1493413286 · 14/07/2019 10:43

It sounds like she’s just generally rude and has no boundaries from the other examples you given. A packet of hobnobs is a lot to get through in one day

limitedperiodonly · 14/07/2019 10:44

It's a packet of Hobnobs v possibly the best childcare you could buy (and you're doing that on the cheap). I think you're getting a pretty good deal, but sack her if you want.

RowdyYates · 14/07/2019 10:45

I'd leave some interesting documents lying about - applications for emigration to Australia, contract for DH to work as a porn star etc

GPatz · 14/07/2019 10:45

cranstonmanor. She pays for child care.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 14/07/2019 10:45

How much do you pay for the childcare? Because until we know that we can't really say whether YABU or not.

Oysterbabe · 14/07/2019 10:45

You are pretty tight to begrudge her some biscuits. You can buy chocolate oaties in Aldi for about 40p a packet. Buy plenty of food you're happy for her to eat and leave it prominently for her to find.

WhenOneFacePalmDoesntCutIt · 14/07/2019 10:46

Why are so many people ignoring the fact that the OP pays her MIL for the childcare?

what's that got to do with anything?

MrMakersFartyParty · 14/07/2019 10:47

This is sad. I would never begrudge anyone food when they are saving you about £40 a day. I buy food specifically for our parents when they baby sit.