MIL stuffing her face at ours

[jamiecooks]

I probably ABU BUT MIL driving me mad! She never has any food at hers (pleads poverty but that's a whole other story) - came to ours the other day to look after our baby (we pay her for doing this despite SIL having 5 years of free child care) and basically chomped through almost a whole packet of chocolate hobnobs. They were in a tub in the corner of a cupboard so she also obviously went looking for them.

Previously she'd also been in my cupboard and helped herself to the posh chocs my DH had bought me for my birthday! After that, I started having to hide nice food but didn't get chance to this time as her coming to ours was unexpected - logistical reasons which DH organised without telling me.

She's also previously looked at financial documents in our house (I know because something had been left out and moved and she is very nosy by her own admittance) and I had been doing a tax return the other day so had left out my folders with all my statements/payslips etc in at top of stairs to put away - had I known she was coming I'd have put it all away but I didn't know and when I got home it was clear she had been looking at it as docs were popping out of folder which weren't before, specifically my pay slip so she now presumably knows what I earn

AIBU?

You begrudge one packet of biscuits?

Did you say help yourself to anything you can find? Because if not, I think it’s pretty rude to go looking through someone’s cupboards and help yourself to their food? I wouldn’t dream of doing that in someone else’s house, even mine own parents or brother. I know HobNobs are cheap in the scheme of things but that’s not the point - I surprised so many people think it’s acceptable!

I’d expect family to help themselves to anything they fancied. Non family less so.

Did you post about it when MIL are your chocolates? I think they’d been put away for Christmas.

Anyway fucking hobnobs? Are you for real?

*'Posh chocs'

Vom*  - twee induced vomit

😂😂

yabu for saying ‘posh chocs’

What passes as 'posh chocs' these days?

Purchased at Fortnum & Mason?

Poundland buttons with a picture of Victoria Beckham superimposed on each one?

I'll try either 🐷

Well I am in the minority because I'd be pissed off at everything the OP has described and don't think she's BU at all!

OP, I'd be buying her her own pack of biscuits each time and leaving them out. I'd also start hiding anything remotely private and drop it into conversation with other family members ("So I was just hiding all the private documents the other day, because, you know, MIL is so nosey!" ). I'd also get padlocks on my bedroom door but then I'm a PA bitch....

A packet of biscuits is hardly stuffing your face 😂. I thought you were going to say she raids your cupboards and tonight's dinner was gone.

Going through documents isn't ok.

Right off to eat ice cream now

As others have sugestedd - get a lock for your bedroom door and put everything in there you don;t want her rifling through.
I'd also put out ont he kitchen table/counter top a packet of biscuits, a bag of sweets or whatever yout hink she might fancy and tell her 'there's some snack on the counter top if you are hungry MIL' then she can help herself and doesn;t need to go poking. I don;t think she shoudl have eaten your chocs (must have been pretty obvious they weren;t for general consumption) and a whole packet of hobnobs in 2 hrs is good going by anyone's standards. But if you put stuff there she can have and just replenish it, then you are still getting a good deal on childcare and you won't feel irritated that she's helping herself.

You surely allow her to have something to eat and drink while she's at yours, and a biscuit with her coffee isn't OTT - I'd provide what you would provide if you were paying a nanny.

Posters are so mean
maybe the OP did have some nice chocolates

How much is a pack of hobnobs? A pound? Cmon. You're getting subsidised childcare. You can afford a few quid on biscuits also.

And who cares if she knows what you earn. Put your stuff away in future.

Keep private papers under lock and key and any food or sweets you don't want her to have, hide carefully.

You said you do pay her for babysitting.

It's customary to leave some food out for a sitter. French bread and cheese, fruit or whatever.

I can't help feeling it's a bit sad that MIL looks for something to eat at your house. Fair enough, she shouldn't have eaten your posh chocs but I would have thought a packet of biscuits was fair game, maybe she thought they were for her. Hardly the end of the world surely.

What did you expect her to eat whilst babysitting for you?

My babysitters get pizza, pack of something like chocolate buttons, crisps , ice cream and pop to pick and chose from. And I pay a tenner an hour.

We don’t go out much, but I never have trouble finding a sitter.

YANB entirely U and you are getting a really hard time. MN is being very uncharitable today!

I am really bad at eating things like chocolate hobnobs in moderation. Maybe MIL just couldn't stop once she'd started? I'd probably forgive her for that.

But eating your fancy chocolates and snooping on your private paperwork is rude and out of order. I would always assume that an expensive box of chocs was likely to be a gift and you just don't help yourself to someone elses' present! And there's no excuse for invading your privacy. You should be able to trust her in your home without having to put padlocks on doors. Definitely tell her that this is unacceptable to you.

I'd be annoyed about the biscuits too. Of course eating a whole packet (or "almost") is stuffing your face! I wouldn't eat more than one at a time (unless I've donated blood when they give you a packet of three).

No wonder we have an obesity problem in the UK...

It seems rather unfair to look after SIL's kids for free but charge the OP.

IMO it’s very greedy to eat a whole pack of hobnobs, let alone a box of chocs that would definitely have been a present. It’s also not on to look through people’s paperwork. So YANBU.

Sorry OP, but OMG you are seriously petty and tight fisted.

She is part of your family!
I honestly cannot believe you hide biscuits and chocolates from her.
She shouldn't have looked at your tax return, but come on, put private stuff like that out of sight straightaway. What do You expect?

Invent some juicy private documents for her to find, you could have such fun at her expense!
As for a packet of Hobnobs, that's cheaper than paying childcare.

Blimey OP, not sure why everyone is giving you such a very hard time - yes a few biscuits you might expect to lose, but eating an entire packet of hobnobs is very out of order. And the posh chocs too. I would definitely argue it is not entirely normal behaviour when babysitting to help yourself to all this stuff from someone else’s fridge or cookie jar. Perhaps my standards are a bit too high?

And the rifling through your private financial stuff. Shudder.

I don’t care if you do pay her less than normal rate for childcare, your DH needs to have a word with his mum about boundaries.

When my mum watches our kids she can eat what she wants- even if she wanted to do a roast all to herself she could. Don't be stingy.

You are very jealous of your sil. Maybe your mil doesn’t want to be taken advantage of anymore and that is why she is charging you a token amount. Use it or get the more expensive option.

Your post and updates read like nit picking. She ALMOST finished a whole packet of biscuits, paperwork had been moved and THAT confirms your mil snooping.

Learn to manage the situation. Get into habit of putting correspondence away. Leave some biscuits out if you know she likes them.

If she’s ‘pleading’ poverty your husband needs to chat to her and suggest way she can make bills cheaper. Mil is your family would it kill you to have compassion?

If we had family nearby that was able to babysit at a discount, I would be putting out a full platter of goodies including "posh chocs" just because I would be so excited to get some time away and have people I trust watching our children.

My MIL kept going into her bedroom so.l made it very clear she was not to go in there. She did it the very next time so l bluntly said 'l thought l.made it clear...' she made an excuse as to why but didn't do it again. Fortunately she doesn't come over now DD is at school. She also used to eat silly amounts and would open stuff that we hadn't opened. No sense of boundaries whatsoever. I sucked it up until l could say 'we don't need you anymore, thank you for your help' through gritted teeth.

Presumably you LO won't need her soon? I also put DD into nursery 2 days a week when l went ft to limit her time with us.DH was most insistent they have a relationship totally understand that as she isn't around the corner.

Our bedroom obvs not hers