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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL stuffing her face at ours

336 replies

jamiecooks · 14/07/2019 10:15

I probably ABU BUT MIL driving me mad! She never has any food at hers (pleads poverty but that's a whole other story) - came to ours the other day to look after our baby (we pay her for doing this despite SIL having 5 years of free child care) and basically chomped through almost a whole packet of chocolate hobnobs. They were in a tub in the corner of a cupboard so she also obviously went looking for them.

Previously she'd also been in my cupboard and helped herself to the posh chocs my DH had bought me for my birthday! After that, I started having to hide nice food but didn't get chance to this time as her coming to ours was unexpected - logistical reasons which DH organised without telling me.

She's also previously looked at financial documents in our house (I know because something had been left out and moved and she is very nosy by her own admittance) and I had been doing a tax return the other day so had left out my folders with all my statements/payslips etc in at top of stairs to put away - had I known she was coming I'd have put it all away but I didn't know and when I got home it was clear she had been looking at it as docs were popping out of folder which weren't before, specifically my pay slip so she now presumably knows what I earn

AIBU?

OP posts:
FuriousVexation · 14/07/2019 10:47

Why the fuck do you have chocolatey "snacks" in your house?

You know they are basically poison and are propping up the drug industry?

Butchyrestingface · 14/07/2019 10:47

You are feeling hard done by because your SIL gets her help for free but she’s charging you. That’s the root of your problem, isn’t it? 😀

Maybe SiL leaves all her financial information plus diary plus hob nobs lying around for MiL to rifle through? This may be the price she has to pay.

TanMateix · 14/07/2019 10:48

You shouldn’t leave alone in your house ANYONE you don’t trust. But good grief, leave out something out for her to snack on while you are out. That’s what you do with babysitters. Begrudging a stupid packet of hobnobs says far more about you than her.

I think you are right and nasty if you get to that level. (Sorry)

dottiedodah · 14/07/2019 10:48

If she is providing low cost childcare ,then I think it is unreasonable to worry about biscuits/chocolates and so on .I think it would be best to have a secure place for your paperwork anyway .If you usually get on well with her and she helps you with Childcare then I think you are BU TBH. Does she struggle with money herself go you think?.

Starfish28 · 14/07/2019 10:48

Look the looking through the personal documents outrageous. But the biscuits and chocolates, for fuck sakes. Honestly can not believe this has made you so angry. I would have given my right arm for one-on-one super cheap child care. Wind your neck in or find other options. And for goodness sakes leave her some nice treats.

Juells · 14/07/2019 10:48

You're being mean about the hobnobs, but not about the nosing around. Buy a lockable filing cabinet - you'll need it anyway if you subsequently have other childminders alone in the house. I used to keep all docs in a bedroom, lock the door and take the key with me if leaving anyone in the house.

herculepoirot2 · 14/07/2019 10:48

I think it’s unreasonable to say “posh chocs”, but perfectly reasonable to eat hob nobs. 🤷🏻‍♀️

TanMateix · 14/07/2019 10:48

TIGHT and nasty, not right and nasty.

WhenOneFacePalmDoesntCutIt · 14/07/2019 10:48

I would always say that full packets of anything are off limits, maybe that’s my mums influence ‘they’re for best’

that's a complete alien concept to me, so no one I know would stay away from full packets.

Most people would leave enough snacks out, or tell babysitters and others to help themselves, so it wouldn't really be an issue.

Butchyrestingface · 14/07/2019 10:49

Why the fuck do you have chocolatey "snacks" in your house?

You know they are basically poison and are propping up the drug industry?

Yeah, but they taste good so fuck it.

VivienneHolt · 14/07/2019 10:49

Looking through your private documents is a huge violation of privacy - once would be enough for me on that, afterwards I would find alternative childcare.

You’re being petty over the hobnobs, but that issue is absolutely inconsequential compared to the snooping.

Butterymuffin · 14/07/2019 10:50

If you really can't afford other childcare, then your only option is to find ways to constrain what she does. So accept you have to keep all your paperwork locked away. The other suggestion I've seen on here is getting forms to emigrate to Australia and leaving those around for her to 'find'. Stock up on Aldi's own version of hob nobs. 41p a pack.

mum11970 · 14/07/2019 10:51

You are moaning over a £1 packet of chocolate hobnobs!

ILearnedItFromABook · 14/07/2019 10:51

I'm willing to give you a little more support in your annoyance, as I'd have been irritated, too, in your position. I'll admit that I'm a bit possessive of my "treats", and yes, I'd be peeved if I came home and noticed that someone I'd been paying to watch my child had helped themselves a little too freely to my snacks. Especially if I was already disposed to feel annoyed with her (re the chocolates, being asked to pay when her other grandchild got a free ride, her snoopiness)!

It does seem rude to eat that many of someone else's biscuits when they hadn't been offered. However, since you already make a habit of hiding things when you know she's coming, I don't know that there's much more you can do, however, short of always keeping them under lock and key as a pre-emptive measure against future unexpected visits/sittings.

SandAndSea · 14/07/2019 10:51

If she's a good babysitter apart from the nosing, lock everything private away as a matter of course.

I would also buy her a special tin and fill it with nice biscuits (etc) especially for her. I know it's annoying paying her when she's done it for free for others but, she's still doing you a favour.

notapizzaeater · 14/07/2019 10:52

Maybe by not charging you full whack she's skint and the only treats she can afford are your biscuits ?

If you know she's nosy then lock stuff away.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/07/2019 10:52

My mother thinks she has the right to look at my finances if the papers are not filed away so I never leave stuff out. The will consequently is very well hidden in a place, which will only appear once furniture is removed. She would go ballistic if I did the same. Have you ever thought to rifle through your mils affairs?

Pannalash · 14/07/2019 10:52

Crikey OP you sound a bit precious.

Thequaffle · 14/07/2019 10:53

The nosing around your personal documents isn’t ok. YANBU on that one.
But, you’re happy to pay her below going rate for childcare but you’re mad that she ate a few biscuits? YABU there.

YoThePussy · 14/07/2019 10:53

Try having a teenager in to do babysitting. I used to get paid for my babysitting services handsomely and would clear the biscuit tin everytime and drink all the Ribena. Admittedly the children used to get a Lego creation made for them each time to find when they woke up the next day.

herculepoirot2 · 14/07/2019 10:59

It does seem rude to eat that many of someone else's biscuits when they hadn't been offered.

True. But then it’s rude not to say to someone who is offering you cheap childcare, “The biscuit tin is in the kitchen. Help yourself.”

Thesummeriwas16 · 14/07/2019 11:02

Crikey, there are some downright nasty comments on here today!!

BertrandRussell · 14/07/2019 11:03

I just suspect that the OP doesn’t care for her mil. Not sure what gives me that idea-I’m intuitive that way. The “stuffing her face” gave me a clue- others may not have noticed....

viccat · 14/07/2019 11:06

Isn't it normal to say to anyone doing any sort of work like this in your house "help yourself to tea and biscuits/fruit/etc"?

I agree opening your posh chocs wasn't acceptable but biscuits from a tin?

Looking through your papers is of course not on and sounds like a bigger issue than a few biscuits.

Mistley · 14/07/2019 11:07

Does it matter really? Why is it a big deal if she knows what you earn? Genuine question...I'd have no issue with a family member knowing my annual salary, it's not a secret.

Or are you concerned she won't continue to provide you with cheap childcare now she knows you earn a reasonable salary? Grin