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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that you should never marry a gamer

344 replies

Somersetlady · 12/07/2019 15:54

A glut of threads on here recently reference DH being useless/not contributing/ not looking after kids because they are in the xbox. Often they stay up late on the xbox.

One but of advice for those dating would seem to be to steer clear of gamers as your future OH!

OP posts:
Original poster
Somersetlady · 12/07/2019 15:54

Obviously they are on the xbox. Not in it.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 12/07/2019 15:57

I think cyclists are more reviled.

FWIW DH likes to game. But because he's an adult, he does it when we're elsewhere, DD is in bed, when I'm watching something he doesn't like. A selfish man can turn anything into family-avoidance. Even shitting.

flyingspaghettimonster · 12/07/2019 16:00

My husband was a gamer - warhammer and tabletop though more than computers. I prefer his hobby to having a husband who feels he has to go down to the pub all the time. His hobby takes him away a few times a year for tournaments, and he does play online sometiems too, but he knows family stuff comes first. I used to resent it a lot as it seemed unfair he gets to go away with friends for a weekend leaving me with the kids, but he is pretty good at the games and often wins prizes, and it is pretty harmless. He would gladly let me go away by myself, if I had any friends or desire to go. I am pretty anti social so I prefer being at home.

Not all gamers are on 24-7

Celebelly · 12/07/2019 16:01

Given that gaming is how we met in the first place, I can't really agree Grin

Don't marry a man child, regardless of their hobby, is probably a better idea.

Yellowweatherwarning · 12/07/2019 16:01

My exh ruined my 40 th birthday....
Filed for divorce before my 41st.....

YetAnotherUser · 12/07/2019 16:07

It never ceases to amaze me the number of women who marry men with obvious character flaws and just hope that marriage/children will change them...

EnterFunnyNameHere · 12/07/2019 16:11

No - you should never marry a lazy arsed manchild who is unlikely to contribute to a shared life.

Millions of gamers are completely reasonable, loving, equal partners to their spouses!

WhatTheWatersShowedMe · 12/07/2019 16:18

There's plenty of people who are capable of enjoying games and also contribute to family life in an equitable fashion. My DH loves gaming and has been an avid gamer since before we met when we were still teenagers. But he does it when the kids are in bed, for an hour or so, after everything else has been done, and it's not at the expense of us spending time together. And there are games out there we can enjoy together, or play with the kids.

Hobbies are hobbies. It's when they have a negative impact on family life that they become a problem. That's as true for gaming as it is for running, cycling, football, sailing, crochet... whatever.

Ginnymweasley · 12/07/2019 16:22

My dh loves gaming. But he never ignores his responsibilities to game. With the type of men you mention it is cause they are selfish twats not the hobby they partake in. You could replace gaming with football, rugby, gym, drinking with his friends and if the guy cares more about his hobby than his family the result will be the same.

PoppyFleur · 12/07/2019 16:22

I have a hobby I feel passionate about and yet it has never led to me neglecting my family or my responsibilities. This must be down to having a uterus....or it could be because I’m a responsible person, accountable for my time and actions.

Avoid having a man child as a partner and co-parent would be my advice.

CastleCrasher · 12/07/2019 16:24

Not a thing wrong with being a gamer. Don't marry a child, or a selfish arse. Dh is a gamer and it has never, ever come in the way of family life. He's a fantastic husband and father, has a very responsible job, and, given the gaming, would probably be handy if there's ever a zombie apocalypse! Wink

Namechange8471 · 12/07/2019 16:26

We're both gamers , we manage to work full time, parent an autistic child , and have quality time.

I'd rather that than marry say a football mad bloke, always in the pub, taking over tv etc.

Each to their own

idril · 12/07/2019 16:28

My husband is a gamer but, he is a husband, father and decent human being first so it's never been an issue at all.

OverthinkingThis · 12/07/2019 16:30

DP and I are both gamers. We're also professionals and parents. We only game when DC in bed and the chores are all done. It's about time management!

Teacakeandalatte · 12/07/2019 16:32

A selfish man can turn anything into family-avoidance. Even shitting.
😂 I hope MN write a book of relationship advice one day and include this quote.

TeaForTheWin · 12/07/2019 16:35

I guess it depends on what they mean by 'gamers'. I don't think I'd marry someone that spent their life on COD or some fifa game or something but if they liked a little bit of everything I actually think that would be cool. I can certainly be talked into a bit of gaming here and there and it would mean there would be plenty to talk about and maybe things to look forwards to as a couple though.

daydreams about finding a husband who likes animal crossing and both having our own towns xD

If they had an addictive personality with it though then that would be a problem. Everything in moderation I guess.

DoneLikeAKipper · 12/07/2019 16:37

I guess no one should marry me then! Don't put in gamers with irresponsible fuckwits, it's never affected my ability to be a good parent/partner, and it's the same for my OH. Your problem is your husband not the game console.

BasilTheGreat · 12/07/2019 16:44

I’m a gamer, have been since the 80’s. I’m also a mum, wife and a granny. I shouldn’t be married then?

femidom12 · 12/07/2019 16:47

Gaming cyclists are the worst...

MindyStClair · 12/07/2019 16:48

I do know first-hand that gaming can get addictive (I must never re-install WoW!).

However, ultimately it's selfishness that makes someone useless, not the gaming alone, and in most of these cases if it wasn't the Xbox it would be golf, or metal detecting or whatever else takes their fancy.

cheeseislife8 · 12/07/2019 16:51

Depends if they let it take over. My ex was obsessed and gamed ALL the time, drove me nuts. My DH plays when he's in the house alone or when I'm working in my home 'office' but will always turn it off when someone's around and does contribute round the house. Just good manners, he reckons

NannyRed · 12/07/2019 17:02

Nah!

My husband is a god among men, he loves playing his PlayStation. That doesn’t make him a bad man.

Maybe better to not marry a wanker who thinks it’s his wife’s job to do everything.

bridgetreilly · 12/07/2019 17:04

Don't marry a man child, regardless of their hobby, is probably a better idea.

This.

PaddyF0dder · 12/07/2019 17:07

With all due respect OP, f**k right off.

Most men (indeed most people) play video games to some degree. If you insist on being so silly minded, maybe just don’t marry anyone and just be alone.

Meowington · 12/07/2019 17:07

My DH and I have decided to remain childfree so outside of work all we do is either chill out or have fun. If he wants to game for 6 hours straight in his pants he can! If I want to binge watch Netflix and eat my weight in Doritos all night I can.

It’s amazing!! Grin