DH has been a gamer for 40 years . He started playing tabletop games, role playing games and computer games when it was deeply deeply uncool in the late 70s and early 80s. I thought it was uncool when I met him as well, though it obviously didn't put me off him that much!!. He is still a gamer.
He is also the most engaged father and husband I know. He does more than his fair share around the house and with DS has done since we met, let alone since DS was a baby and I had bad PND, when he stepped up and did A LOT more than I did until I recovered when he went back to 50:50 again..
He only has a handful of gamer friends that he meets regularly to play but they all seem like engaged and active husbands and fathers. I won't say that most of them aren't a bit odd (DH is too 
) but none of them are wasters or big drinkers or lazy. They all work hard and talk a lot about their familes and children in a kind and affectionate way, so while I can't say for sure that they are not lazy tossers at home but they don't seem to be and DH definitely isn't.
It was obvious when I met DH though, that although he did like to play games and all of his desktop PCs were bought with this in mind, as well as buying new ones every 2-3 years to allow the better games to be played, he was in no way addicted. He liked to spend an afternoon playing if we had time but he never played all night and never if we had something else that needed to be done. He is also very organised and hardworking, which was also clear.
Being a gamer is not the problem, being addicted to it is but that would have been pretty clear quite early on I think.