DH coming home at 3:30am on a week night

[LackofsleepX]

So last night Thursday my ‘D’H went out on a works event. We both have to be up for work the following day. I get up at 6:30am. He promised he would be back by 11pm. At 11pm he text to say he was still in the restaurant. I decide to go to bed. I don’t sleep very well when I’m in the bed on my own so I woke up at 2am to find ‘D’H to still not be home. At this point I worry why he is not back so I text him. I did send an arsey text coz he has done this before on a work night. He said he has gone out drinking and is in a club/bar. He comes home eventually at 3:30am.

So my question is AIBU to expect him to come home at a reasonable hour in the week?

Also AIBU to if he is going to be later than the time he said he should text me to let me know and then if I wake up in the night I will see the text that he is ok?

When he got in we started arguing and I believe we we both in the wrong for that aspect.

@ShirleyPhallus

I used knife crime as an example .. anything could happen .. I would rather know where my other half was if plans changed and vice versa ..

Each to their own but honestly, how is that controlling??

OP I hope he can understand your point of view .. esp as he got the day off and you had to work ..

Best wishes 🌷

“OP hasn't done anything wrong apart from be upset by her husband being a bit thoughtless.”

“I’m upset” doesn’t equal “I am right”.

It’s like being offended. People seem to get upset or offended at the drop of a hat now and seem to think this is in itself significant or meaningful.

I think he should have sent you a text to let you know he was staying out later than planned, so that you didn't worry, but he is an adult and I think it's unfair of you to dictate what time he should come home - that's controlling and unreasonable.

“I’m upset” doesn’t equal “I am right”.

Yes, but the pile-on seems a little mean to me.

He did send her a text. He texted at 11 to say he was still out.

Stop treating him like a child, he is an adult who does not need your permission to go out.

YANBU if it was not arranged and is on a weeknight. Plus, won't he get fired if he goes in still pissed?

Are you an anxious person? I can understand feeling worried, but he is an adult. When one of us goes 'out out', we don't put a time limit on it. If it doesn't happen that often, and it's a work social thing that's expected of him, let him get on with it.

Put your phone on silent so next time if he 'loses' his key he won't wake you up.

How long have you been together OP? You say you're new to marriage and living together but also say that you've slept next to him for years and years so you don't sleep well without him. If living with him is new I assume you didn't sleep together every night before you lived together?

Anyways, personally this isn't a problem for me. I'd do my own usual night time routine and get up as per the next morning. DH will usually sleep on the sofa if he comes in late. I do often forget to take the key out the door when I lock up though so often get called to come unlock the door for him.
The thing is, DH is exactly the same for me. Well send each other the odd text but just expect no contact that night.
I think you need to just have a chat tonight, apologise for your part in the argument, ask him to text you next time just saying he'll be late, then have a nice weekend together.

Of course he can, but when you're in a loving relationship you have to have some consideration for the other person. If you're going to just do what you want and sod everyone else, then you shouldn't be in a relationship

👆🏼👆🏼Exactly my thoughts
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

All I see on most of the PP is lack of respect. If you have a partner that thinks like you in this respect then great, however if your partner has a problem with it then both of you would have to work on it (if you really care about each other's feelings). I wouldn't want to have/be a controlling partner the same that I wouldn't want to have/be a selfish unconsidered one.

I think a partnership should be based in respect for each other and use communication to find a middle ground. In my opinion, all this "he's a grown up, can do what he wants" is BS.

He said he would be home by 11 but he sent you a text at 11 to say he was still out. Therefore he DID let you know the plans had changed. He didnt give you a new eta so didn't need to keep updating you. He is entitled to stay out as long as he wishes and he is perfectly entitled to return to his own home not his mothers.

Not normal.

I never text my dh in the middle of the night to ask where he is. He's a big boy